This Feels Like Home To Me

I know everyone has been patiently waiting and wondering what the outcome was last night. I am going to give everyone the whole story so well all know what is going on.

My rents got home at their usual time and dinner was started. I came down to help thinking that maybe they were gonna talk to me and all I got from my Dad was, “Derry, we will see you at dinner, why don’t you just wait upstairs until we are ready for you”. Ready for me? The last time my Dad said that to me I ended up winning an all expense paid trip over his knee. Well, not wanting to make em mad, I headed upstairs and just messed around on the computer for a bit.

I could smell dinner in the air, and it smelled good. They were making my favourite, Lasagna. Why were they making my favourite dinner? This could not be good. I felt as though I was being buttered up so that they could drop kick me out of the house. I gotta say, I was feeling very uncomfortable over the whole thing. I felt like a convict on death row waiting for his last meal.

After some time I was called to dinner. I grabbed my seat and we said grace as we usually do. Mom began serving and again the horrible silence. Once we all had our plates and had a few bites, it began. My Dad started the conversation. They started by telling me that the last 2 weeks had been the hardest two weeks they have ever spent. They thought dealing with my Cancer was hard but that this was just something they were not prepared for. They felt they failed me as parents and that might have been the reason why I chose this lifestyle…..I stopped them there. This was not a choice…I don’t believe you choose to live like this. I am a firm believer in genetics and I believe that I was genetically programmed to be this way. Just like you don’t choose to get Cancer, you just get it and may never know why. My Dad, corrected himself in an effort to respect my opinion and he continued. He went on to say that they had spent the last two weeks trying to figure out what was best for me and for them. They want me to be happy; they don’t want whatever time we have left together as a family to be spent fighting or hating on each other. He went on to say that though he nor my Mom will ever understand my lifestyle, they wont ridicule or cut me out over it either. He went on to say that it was my life and that whatever made me feel good on the inside was fine with them.

Dad stopped and Mom continued…it felt like I was caught in a movie…Mom went on to say that this love I have for Caleb may not seem natural to her it was also not natural for her to not love her Son or respect the adult choices he makes. She did not want to see me leave over something like that. She went on to say that her and Dad had talked at length and they want to meet Caleb…and soon. I stopped them and asked what the deal was with my room. They looked at each other as if they were unsure as to who was going to answer that…as if I had somehow jumped the script and now they had lost their page.

Dad decided to take the lead and said that he did not want me sneaking around with Caleb. He did not want me in shelters, or other less desirable places. He also did not want Caleb, whom he said was clearly going to be a part of this family for the next however long, to be running around with their son in a veil of secrecy. The room was changed to accommodate Caleb. I could not believe what I was hearing. My parents were inviting my boyfriend to live with us…I was speechless. Dad went on to say that there were going to be ground rules for both Caleb and I to follow.

Mom began to explain and here is what I was told:

Rules:

1) Caleb must continue to attend his addiction course
2) Caleb must learn ASL
3) Caleb and Derry will both have a 1 AM curfew to be observed
4) Two beds means no sleeping together
5) Caleb must find meaningful part time employment within one month of arriving here and must contribute to the household by doing chores
6) Caleb will also begin a High School Equivalency program once he graduates from his Addiction program

I could not believe it. I just couldn’t. Mom said that these rules were not mean to be overbearing or bossy. They were meant to protect me, the integrity of our household and help Caleb do something positive. I was also told that this arrangement would be terminated if any of the rules were broken. There would also be a 3 month probationary period in which we would be expected to demonstrate to them that we could handle this arrangement with maturity.

Dad chimed in and said that he and Mom wanted to meet Caleb no later than Friday and that he could then move in at his discretion assuming he is comfortable with the rules and the arrangement.

Once it was all said and done I couldn’t think of what to say so all I said was thank you. I didn’t know what else I could or should say at the moment. I got up and hugged them both very tight and told them how much I loved them and how hard it had been to leave them like that. How much it hurt to know that I was hurting them and that I really missed them. When my Dad wrapped his arms around me I began to sob like a little kid. I was just so relieved and happy at the same time that it was like a gate broke and my emotions just ran wild.

I asked to be excused from dinner and made my way to my room. I needed to absorb all of this and figure out how to tell all this to Caleb. That is what I am going to do next. Meet Caleb and tell him what is going on. I hope he agrees to all this. I really want him with me and I hope he goes along with it. I know the choice is his but hot food, hot shower, and a real home are all his if he can just go along with the rules. I can’t wait to tell him.

LiveSTRONG!