Saturday, April 12, 2008

Praying For Time

Time is a precious commodity and it is one we can not buy or sell. We each have an oversized hourglass and the sands of time flow freely through until our sand is gone.

I keep thinking about time these days. Its funny how I think about these things when things are going really well. I almost wish that time could stand still so that I could do much much more.

Today I am making my way to the Salvation Army where I will help serve lunch and dinner to those who are far less fortunate than I am. Well I am doing that my boyfriend will move in with us. Some would say that I should be at home helping him move in and get settled. I was going to do that until I got an email from a friend of mine. Let me explain...

The title of the email was, Pray For Time. I thought that was funny, and so I kept reading on. It went on to talk about a program I missed on TV called, "Idol Gives Back". I usually watch American Idol but I missed this special episode and apparently there was this very moving song called "Praying For Time" that was sung on there and this friend of mine thought of me. The email went on to say that they were thinking of the stuff I have been doing around helping people and stuff like that and that they felt very touched by the song. In the email was a link to the a video with the original singer, George Michael. I clicked on the link and I wept.

The lyrics in this song touched me deeply and made me realize that there is still so much I need to do and still so much we all need to do. This song did things to me that no other song before it has done. I find myself so very attached to it that I could not stop playing it. Not only did it make me think about how we all need to pay it forward, it also made me think about my fight with Cancer...I am starting to get emotional as I type this, my eyes are getting moist and I am almost feeling as though I need a break from typing this but my fingers wont stop. The emotion in my blood is raging and I need to get this message out and I need you to read it and I need you to stay with me. God I need to do this so badly, I need to get the word out. I feel it in my soul...it has touched me deeply. Whether its Cancer, or giving to others or just paying it forward, I listen to this song and I feel so completely overwhelmed about how much more I need to do. I need to do my penance to pay back so that I might reap some favour from God to let me beat this. Maybe if I just do one more thing, help one more person, give up one more material thing. No matter what I do I cant stop praying for more time.

Please, if you can do just one thing for me, I ask you to do this; listen to this song, listen carefully to the message it sends and then go out and pay it forward to someone you don't know. Anyone, it does not matter who it is, but please go out for me and show someone who is much less fortunate than you that you care.

I have done something in my life that I am being asked to deal with all of this and as I cling to the material things I have been given in this life, I question what it is that I did and I question what it is that I need to do before I can feel as though my penance is paid. As George sings it, these are the days of the beggars and the choosers. I will not be a beggar, I will do my part and I will pay it forward in the hopes that God pays it forward to me. I want my life to have meaning, I want it to have been worth it, I want all my suffering, anger, fear, tears, pain, love, and hope to be for something. I want it to all have been worth it. I am rambling, my emotions are flying out of me as my fingers type madly to keep up with all the things that are pent up in my soul. I can only pray that God is still keeping score...please, I just don't want to die! I'm shaking, I'm scared, my heart is on my sleeve and I am opening up like I never have before and I am afraid it will freak everyone out as a part of my soul lets go and comes to the surface...can everyone handle it, can you handle me when I am like this? Can you still love me when I am like this? Can you help me pray for time?

All I can do is pray for time and hang on to hope when there is no hope to speak of.

LiveSTRONG!

89 comments:

Anonymous said...

It would seem this song had a profound effect on you. There are more than a few songs in my life that I can recall having such an impact. My wedding song likely being top on that list.

Good for Derry for being so involved. Your a courageous young man and I would be more than happy to pray for you.

rachiesuzie said...

I just want to say that after I heard the song "Praying for Time," I too kept listening to it over and over again. I was searching for a meaning to the song, and I came across what you had to say about it, and it really gave the song a lot of meaning for me. I hope you know that if God is choosing for you to be with him sooner than later, then that just means that he must be so proud of you, and wants you to be with him. I have never been in your situation, so I can't say exactly how I would feel, but you and I both know that God is always taking care of you, and would never let anything that he thought was bad happen to you. Using the time that you have to help other's is amazing, and I want to say that you have helped me too. You helped me to see that nothing is more important than spending your time doing what God wants and needs you to do. So thank you. And I will be praying for you, and praying for time!

mel said...

thanks. i was looking for the meaning to that song too. i just wanted to let you know that God hasn't turned His back on you. He loves you. and He'll give you all the time you need to radiate that beauty in you to those that need it today. believe you have the time...time that truly counts. and it's yours.

i'll be happy to pray for you.

Anonymous said...

I know it so late to post on this and that you dont even know me. With everything in the world these days, I have been feeling really anxious lately. For some reason, this song "Praying For Time" came into my heart today and I decided to look up the lyrics, to really read them. I stumbled onto your posting and could not stop crying. You are a brave person and baring your soul did not scare me at all. I feel blessed to have been able to read your posting and will sincerly pray for you. You are a remarkable person and a blessing. God be with you through these difficult trials.

Anonymous said...

It seems to me that you are searching for something in your life. What you are truly seeking is Jesus Christ in your life and in your heart. What you need to do next is realize that you are a sinnner, (for all have sinned and come
short of the glory of God. Romans 3:12) repent, confess unto our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and if truly with all your heart believe that only He can save you from our sins then He WILL save you and you will be in Heaven with Him one day. Then you will not fear death, a true Christian is homesick for Heaven. Also, another great song is actually called Homesick by MercyMe. I hope this helps. I hope you find what you are looking for. I'm praying for the worlds salvation, not time. Time will run out so you must not put Jesus off anymore...or one day it will be too late...so please accept Him in your life today and know that you will go to Heaven when you die. This is what Gods Word, the Bible tells us! God bless you.

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