Praying For Time

Time is a precious commodity and it is one we can not buy or sell. We each have an oversized hourglass and the sands of time flow freely through until our sand is gone.

I keep thinking about time these days. Its funny how I think about these things when things are going really well. I almost wish that time could stand still so that I could do much much more.

Today I am making my way to the Salvation Army where I will help serve lunch and dinner to those who are far less fortunate than I am. Well I am doing that my boyfriend will move in with us. Some would say that I should be at home helping him move in and get settled. I was going to do that until I got an email from a friend of mine. Let me explain...

The title of the email was, Pray For Time. I thought that was funny, and so I kept reading on. It went on to talk about a program I missed on TV called, "Idol Gives Back". I usually watch American Idol but I missed this special episode and apparently there was this very moving song called "Praying For Time" that was sung on there and this friend of mine thought of me. The email went on to say that they were thinking of the stuff I have been doing around helping people and stuff like that and that they felt very touched by the song. In the email was a link to the a video with the original singer, George Michael. I clicked on the link and I wept.

The lyrics in this song touched me deeply and made me realize that there is still so much I need to do and still so much we all need to do. This song did things to me that no other song before it has done. I find myself so very attached to it that I could not stop playing it. Not only did it make me think about how we all need to pay it forward, it also made me think about my fight with Cancer...I am starting to get emotional as I type this, my eyes are getting moist and I am almost feeling as though I need a break from typing this but my fingers wont stop. The emotion in my blood is raging and I need to get this message out and I need you to read it and I need you to stay with me. God I need to do this so badly, I need to get the word out. I feel it in my soul...it has touched me deeply. Whether its Cancer, or giving to others or just paying it forward, I listen to this song and I feel so completely overwhelmed about how much more I need to do. I need to do my penance to pay back so that I might reap some favour from God to let me beat this. Maybe if I just do one more thing, help one more person, give up one more material thing. No matter what I do I cant stop praying for more time.

Please, if you can do just one thing for me, I ask you to do this; listen to this song, listen carefully to the message it sends and then go out and pay it forward to someone you don't know. Anyone, it does not matter who it is, but please go out for me and show someone who is much less fortunate than you that you care.

I have done something in my life that I am being asked to deal with all of this and as I cling to the material things I have been given in this life, I question what it is that I did and I question what it is that I need to do before I can feel as though my penance is paid. As George sings it, these are the days of the beggars and the choosers. I will not be a beggar, I will do my part and I will pay it forward in the hopes that God pays it forward to me. I want my life to have meaning, I want it to have been worth it, I want all my suffering, anger, fear, tears, pain, love, and hope to be for something. I want it to all have been worth it. I am rambling, my emotions are flying out of me as my fingers type madly to keep up with all the things that are pent up in my soul. I can only pray that God is still keeping score...please, I just don't want to die! I'm shaking, I'm scared, my heart is on my sleeve and I am opening up like I never have before and I am afraid it will freak everyone out as a part of my soul lets go and comes to the surface...can everyone handle it, can you handle me when I am like this? Can you still love me when I am like this? Can you help me pray for time?

All I can do is pray for time and hang on to hope when there is no hope to speak of.

LiveSTRONG!