There has been a lot of talk around whether I would abandon the blog in light of everything that is going on. I want to make it clear that I don’t intend to do that. I am going to stick with this and keep going until I can no longer go.
I want to say up front that I am having really bad days. My mood is not where it needs to be and I am snapping at people for no good reason. I blow up at the stupidest things now and I cant seem to stop it. A trade in my hockey pool gets reversed and I went off the deep end. The response I get back from my counterpart in Detroit is that I am selfish. It hurts, I wont lie. It hurts to be told I am selfish because of a deal that went south and for going off about it. I try very hard to be happy go lucky all the time, I try to be level and even but I find it harder everyday. I am not selfish…I know in my heart of hearts I am not a selfish person. Im hurt, Im sick, and I am tired and it makes me hard to deal with sometimes. It really hurts though to be called selfish after everything I have been through and continue to go through.
Now, the blog. My worst case scenario is that I have 2 years at most to live. I want to use this blog as my memoirs. I want to write about as much of my life as I can. Both past and present. I want to talk about all the things I have seen and done and all the things I am doing. When I die, I want this to be a living memorial. I want it to be my little mark on the world.
I am going to start in the next entry by talking about learning to talk. When you get your hearing you need to learn to talk and that is not as easy as it seems. I will tell you more later though.
For now, I want to say that I am not a selfish person. I am a kind person, warm, caring and genuine. I am a hard working person who tries to be honest and fair whenever I can. I am a strong person who battles through whatever life deals him. I am not selfish and it hurts me more than anyone will ever know to think that someone feels that way about me.
I just don’t want to hurt anymore and if that is selfish, than I am sorry.
LiveSTRONG!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
The End Is The Beginning Is The End
I think it is time that we face a little reality and do a reality check. It has been about 3 weeks since I started this most recent round of therapy. The idea was to focus some radiation right at the tumour on my brain stem and see if we could kill it or at the very least slow it down.
As of yesterday, it was not any smaller and it still appears to be very active. I have been given a choice to continue this for another 3 weeks or stop and hope for the best. The chances of another 3 weeks doing any good are very very slim. The odds of it stopping on its own are just as small.
My parents told me that they would support whatever decision I made and they would stand behind me on it because it is my body and my life. Therefore, I have decided to cease all treatment and make peace with myself and my God. My chances for survival are very slim and I am told that I will probably be lucky to live another 2 years. I dont want those two years to be full of painful tests, treatments, and just feeling like crap.
I know a lot of people would say that I need to do whatever I can to live and that I should keep going. The thing is, I am tired, and fed up with being poked, and proded. I want to live what is left of my life as fully as I can. I know its not the popular choice but it is still my choice to make.
Lets not lose sight of the fact that this COULD stop on its own at which point we could re-start some treatment. I know the odds of that are small but I will keep praying for that.
I am at peace with my choice, I am at peace with my God, and I am ready to live!
To those who read this, I want suggestions, what should I do with what I have left? will you help me make a "bucket list". Things I should do before I kick the bucket. I want this to be a good experience, not a downer.
I leave it to you, the readers of this blog. Tell me what I should go out and do with my life. What should be on my bucket list.
Lastly, pray for me. If your not religious, just think positive for me. I can not thank everyone who reads this enough for the support you have given me.
Thanks to all of you, I can and will....
LiveSTRONG!
As of yesterday, it was not any smaller and it still appears to be very active. I have been given a choice to continue this for another 3 weeks or stop and hope for the best. The chances of another 3 weeks doing any good are very very slim. The odds of it stopping on its own are just as small.
My parents told me that they would support whatever decision I made and they would stand behind me on it because it is my body and my life. Therefore, I have decided to cease all treatment and make peace with myself and my God. My chances for survival are very slim and I am told that I will probably be lucky to live another 2 years. I dont want those two years to be full of painful tests, treatments, and just feeling like crap.
I know a lot of people would say that I need to do whatever I can to live and that I should keep going. The thing is, I am tired, and fed up with being poked, and proded. I want to live what is left of my life as fully as I can. I know its not the popular choice but it is still my choice to make.
Lets not lose sight of the fact that this COULD stop on its own at which point we could re-start some treatment. I know the odds of that are small but I will keep praying for that.
I am at peace with my choice, I am at peace with my God, and I am ready to live!
To those who read this, I want suggestions, what should I do with what I have left? will you help me make a "bucket list". Things I should do before I kick the bucket. I want this to be a good experience, not a downer.
I leave it to you, the readers of this blog. Tell me what I should go out and do with my life. What should be on my bucket list.
Lastly, pray for me. If your not religious, just think positive for me. I can not thank everyone who reads this enough for the support you have given me.
Thanks to all of you, I can and will....
LiveSTRONG!
Friday, January 11, 2008
The Music Of My Heart
Something I get asked a lot is, "What kind of music do you like?" Its a fair question since I still very new to music period. I think I listen and look at music a little different then most. Where some people choose a category of music, I choose what I like based on some simple criteria.
1) The sound has to appeal to me. not just on a sound level, but also in terms of the feeling it causes me to experience. I have to feel an emotional connection to what I am hearing. I never thought that music could make me happy, sad, angry, excited any of that stuff. I never experience emotion in that way before. It was a very different experience, feeling something inside me, a sensation, because of a sound I was hearing. I know that prolly seems really weird to read but I can't describe it any other way. It is just something inside me that tells me that the sound is good.
2) The words have to convey a meaning to me. Words are precious to me, and when a songs words are well chosen and crafted they can be as beautiful and moving as the notes on the page creating sound. The voice is an instrument and words are the mechanism in which the voice is played. Again, I know that sounds wild to some people but it is very true. How many times have you heard someone say they regret saying something. Words need to be chosen, savored, and picked with care and consideration. For me, a song can have great sounds but if the lyrics are bad I wont like it.
3) Theme is the last thing that is important to me. A song without a theme or a message is a book without a plot. When I listen to a song I like the sounds and the words to take me on a journey, to a destination. I don't always care where I am going, I just care that I am going somewhere. So many of the songs I have chosen for this blog take you somewhere, not always visually or personally, but sometimes spiritually.
I hope this makes sense to those who read it. I wanted to take some time to put into words what I sometimes have a hard time trying to say in person. I think it will also help you understand why I like the music I do.
My current top choices:
1) Lifehouse -- From Where You Are
2) Ryan Dan -- Like The Sun
3) Pavarotti -- Nessun Dorma
4) Mercy Me -- I Can Only Imagine
5) Sarah McLaughlin -- Ordinary Miracle
I am attaching a song that is very near and dear to my heart. It is called, "From Where You Are" by Lifehouse. When I listen to it, I think about all the people who are battling Cancer and those who have lost that battle. The song can really apply to anyone who has lost someone.
Break out the Kleenex!
LiveSTRONG!
1) The sound has to appeal to me. not just on a sound level, but also in terms of the feeling it causes me to experience. I have to feel an emotional connection to what I am hearing. I never thought that music could make me happy, sad, angry, excited any of that stuff. I never experience emotion in that way before. It was a very different experience, feeling something inside me, a sensation, because of a sound I was hearing. I know that prolly seems really weird to read but I can't describe it any other way. It is just something inside me that tells me that the sound is good.
2) The words have to convey a meaning to me. Words are precious to me, and when a songs words are well chosen and crafted they can be as beautiful and moving as the notes on the page creating sound. The voice is an instrument and words are the mechanism in which the voice is played. Again, I know that sounds wild to some people but it is very true. How many times have you heard someone say they regret saying something. Words need to be chosen, savored, and picked with care and consideration. For me, a song can have great sounds but if the lyrics are bad I wont like it.
3) Theme is the last thing that is important to me. A song without a theme or a message is a book without a plot. When I listen to a song I like the sounds and the words to take me on a journey, to a destination. I don't always care where I am going, I just care that I am going somewhere. So many of the songs I have chosen for this blog take you somewhere, not always visually or personally, but sometimes spiritually.
I hope this makes sense to those who read it. I wanted to take some time to put into words what I sometimes have a hard time trying to say in person. I think it will also help you understand why I like the music I do.
My current top choices:
1) Lifehouse -- From Where You Are
2) Ryan Dan -- Like The Sun
3) Pavarotti -- Nessun Dorma
4) Mercy Me -- I Can Only Imagine
5) Sarah McLaughlin -- Ordinary Miracle
I am attaching a song that is very near and dear to my heart. It is called, "From Where You Are" by Lifehouse. When I listen to it, I think about all the people who are battling Cancer and those who have lost that battle. The song can really apply to anyone who has lost someone.
Break out the Kleenex!
LiveSTRONG!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Wear Yellow!
I am not one who usually gets up on a soap box and starts to get all political but I feel I need to say something about an organization that is near and dear to me right now. If you have not yet figured it out, I am talking about the Lance Armstrong Foundation. If you have never visited their site, you really should. They can be found on the right side of this page under my links of interest or going to www.laf.org
Most of you know the LAF for their signature slogan, “LiveSTRONG” and many of you will have seen or wear the yellow bracelets that show support to those of us fighting cancer and still living strong. If you have no idea what I am talking about I encourage you to go out and have a look at their site.
The LAF is different in a lot of respects. It has a political arm to lobby government, it has materials for survivors and those battling cancer, it has lists of fundraising events and of course it has a store where you can purchase LiveSTRONG stuff. This organization raises reams of money for Cancer and I feel very strongly about what it does and how it goes about doing it.
All I wanted to do today was accomplish two things. I wanted to get you to check out the site if you have not done so in the past and secondly, I want to encourage you to wear a yellow LiveSTRONG bracelet as a show of support. I have a favourite saying that I use on people and it is, “Wear Yellow”. I know it sounds corny but its true, when you wear yellow you send a message to all of us that you care and you support us. I cant tell you how much it gives me a boost when I see someone wearing the bracelet. It just makes me feel warm inside, it makes me feel like people care and it gives me hope.
We live in a world where currency is money, but I live in a world where the only currency that counts is the currency of hope. When I see someone wear yellow, it makes an investment in my bank of hope.
One day I want to be a hope millionaire
LiveSTRONG!
Most of you know the LAF for their signature slogan, “LiveSTRONG” and many of you will have seen or wear the yellow bracelets that show support to those of us fighting cancer and still living strong. If you have no idea what I am talking about I encourage you to go out and have a look at their site.
The LAF is different in a lot of respects. It has a political arm to lobby government, it has materials for survivors and those battling cancer, it has lists of fundraising events and of course it has a store where you can purchase LiveSTRONG stuff. This organization raises reams of money for Cancer and I feel very strongly about what it does and how it goes about doing it.
All I wanted to do today was accomplish two things. I wanted to get you to check out the site if you have not done so in the past and secondly, I want to encourage you to wear a yellow LiveSTRONG bracelet as a show of support. I have a favourite saying that I use on people and it is, “Wear Yellow”. I know it sounds corny but its true, when you wear yellow you send a message to all of us that you care and you support us. I cant tell you how much it gives me a boost when I see someone wearing the bracelet. It just makes me feel warm inside, it makes me feel like people care and it gives me hope.
We live in a world where currency is money, but I live in a world where the only currency that counts is the currency of hope. When I see someone wear yellow, it makes an investment in my bank of hope.
One day I want to be a hope millionaire
LiveSTRONG!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Growing Up
Ya know its funny, one thing I get asked a lot is, “What was it like growing up when you were younger in your house?” And I ask things like, “Whadya mean?” and they are like, “Did you get in trouble like normal kids do?” and so it begins from there.
I don’t know what the fascination is but some people seem to think that if your deaf, mute, blind, mentally challenged or in some way disabled, that you lead a life where you can get away with murder. I am going to spend some time in this blog telling you that it is not even close to the truth.
I may not have been able to speak or hear when I was younger but that did not stop me from doing the stupid things that kids do. I recall very well the time I was in the basement lighting matches and then putting them out by throwing them in the sink. I thought nobody would know until my mom came downstairs and had this look on her face that told me she was either about to have a coronary or was going to burst. She signed a bunch of things at me in a very angry way and the next thing I knew I was being sent to my room. I knew I was in for some serious hell cuz being sent to my room was usually just a lead up to something worse. Sure enough, 5 minutes or so later my mom walked in. She sat on the edge of my bed and signed to me how worried I made her, that I could have set myself or the house on fire or worse. She signed that I knew better than to play with matches and that I should never do that again. I knew I was in serious crap. The next thing I knew, she grabbed a hold of me and before I could register what was going on, I was over her knee, pants down, and learning life’s lessons the hard way. That’s right folks, just because I was deaf and mute did not mean that I was immune from being spanked. Its funny how people think that I would have been able to get away with murder HAHA
The fun though does not stop there. Just because you cant talk does not mean that your parents cant catch you swearing. I remember very well this one time that I was in some heated argument with my Mom and she was just as wound up as I was. Well, she turned away and so I flipped her the middle finger out of frustration but I was not quite fast enough…she turned around and caught the tail end of it. Well that was not going to go over too well. Before I continue, as you know, when you lose a sense the others tend to be stronger. I am not sure that taste is affected but I can tell you with a straight face, when Mom caught me flipping her the bird, it was a short dragging of me to the bathroom at which point I will never forget the god awful taste that a freshly unwrapped bar of Ivory soap leaves in your mouth. For five or so minutes I sat there well she signed to me about how rude it was to use dirty language. All the while the damn soap was melting in my mouth.
Now, I have to ask you, faithful readers, does it make any sense at all to wash out the mouth of a kid who cant even speak? Does that not seem really dumb to you? My argument later was that she should have washed my hands since it was my “dirty hands” that did all the talking. She did not agree with me but to me it only stands to reason. My mouth had nothing to do with it so why wash it out with soap?
Anyway, I just thought I would share some of the crazy things people have asked me around what happened to me when I was younger. In my next post I will cover some of the other more common questions I get. From there I will try to update you on my most recent round of treatment. Here is a hint, its called radiostatic therapy.
As always, thanks for reading, I hope you continue to enjoy my writing
LiveSTRONG!
I don’t know what the fascination is but some people seem to think that if your deaf, mute, blind, mentally challenged or in some way disabled, that you lead a life where you can get away with murder. I am going to spend some time in this blog telling you that it is not even close to the truth.
I may not have been able to speak or hear when I was younger but that did not stop me from doing the stupid things that kids do. I recall very well the time I was in the basement lighting matches and then putting them out by throwing them in the sink. I thought nobody would know until my mom came downstairs and had this look on her face that told me she was either about to have a coronary or was going to burst. She signed a bunch of things at me in a very angry way and the next thing I knew I was being sent to my room. I knew I was in for some serious hell cuz being sent to my room was usually just a lead up to something worse. Sure enough, 5 minutes or so later my mom walked in. She sat on the edge of my bed and signed to me how worried I made her, that I could have set myself or the house on fire or worse. She signed that I knew better than to play with matches and that I should never do that again. I knew I was in serious crap. The next thing I knew, she grabbed a hold of me and before I could register what was going on, I was over her knee, pants down, and learning life’s lessons the hard way. That’s right folks, just because I was deaf and mute did not mean that I was immune from being spanked. Its funny how people think that I would have been able to get away with murder HAHA
The fun though does not stop there. Just because you cant talk does not mean that your parents cant catch you swearing. I remember very well this one time that I was in some heated argument with my Mom and she was just as wound up as I was. Well, she turned away and so I flipped her the middle finger out of frustration but I was not quite fast enough…she turned around and caught the tail end of it. Well that was not going to go over too well. Before I continue, as you know, when you lose a sense the others tend to be stronger. I am not sure that taste is affected but I can tell you with a straight face, when Mom caught me flipping her the bird, it was a short dragging of me to the bathroom at which point I will never forget the god awful taste that a freshly unwrapped bar of Ivory soap leaves in your mouth. For five or so minutes I sat there well she signed to me about how rude it was to use dirty language. All the while the damn soap was melting in my mouth.
Now, I have to ask you, faithful readers, does it make any sense at all to wash out the mouth of a kid who cant even speak? Does that not seem really dumb to you? My argument later was that she should have washed my hands since it was my “dirty hands” that did all the talking. She did not agree with me but to me it only stands to reason. My mouth had nothing to do with it so why wash it out with soap?
Anyway, I just thought I would share some of the crazy things people have asked me around what happened to me when I was younger. In my next post I will cover some of the other more common questions I get. From there I will try to update you on my most recent round of treatment. Here is a hint, its called radiostatic therapy.
As always, thanks for reading, I hope you continue to enjoy my writing
LiveSTRONG!
Friday, January 4, 2008
Searching For Remission
re·mis·sion (rĭ-mĭsh'ən) Noun;
The act of remitting.
A condition or period in which something is remitted.
Abatement or subsiding of the symptoms of a disease.
The period during which the symptoms of a disease abate or subside.
Release, as from a debt, penalty, or obligation.
Forgiveness; pardon.
Those of us who suffer with Cancer define this word as victory, to win, to beat an opposing force. I also define it as a miracle. We all search for remission and we all hope to one day be able to live in the grace this state allows.
I spend so much time worrying about this tumour on my brain stem that I don't often think about the Hodgkin's disease that I am very much going to beat. Chemo and medication are helping me win this battle. I am excited to know that I am going to win this one. I sometimes spend so much time posting about the negative that is the tumour that I forget to post all that is so positive about beating Hodgkin's. Those of you who have been reading this blog know what I am talking about.
Lets take some time to look at all the positive things that being diagnosed allows you to have.
First off, your outlook on everything changes. You no longer go through the each day as if you were simply going through the motions. The little things that annoy most people now seem insignificant. What am I talking about you ask? How about this. Your standing in line waiting for your coffee well someone else frantically searches through their wallet/purse/pockets looking for change to pay. Meanwhile your standing there cursing because your running late and your body is having a Caffeine fit. I now stand in line and spend that time looking around the place, I smell the coffee brewing, the fresh donuts and pastry baking, the maniac pace that the other patrons try to keep up running from cashier to car. Its almost like watching things in slow motion.
How about a walk down a snowy street! Ever curse because your neighbours haven't shoveled their walk and your chances of slipping on the ice are now increased? Why not do what I do, look up! If you have not enjoyed the singular beauty of snow covering tree branches or better yet, tall pine tress, your letting some of the most beautiful natural creations slip right past you. Maybe you should also consider just stopping and listening to the sound of nothing. You know, dead silence. In our rush to do everything we are so bombarded with noise that we miss the sounds of the simplest things. Sounds like snow crunching under your shoe...try it, it sounds amazing like a bowl of rice krispies gone haywire LOL. If that is not your thing, try watching a winter squirrel digging through the snow for buried treasure. The winter squirrels are now quite fat and its funny to watch them run around looking for even more, completely oblivious to all the distractions.
I guess what I am saying is that despite all that is so very wrong with that I am dealing with, in a strange somewhat crazy way, there is also a lot of good. I stop and enjoy my surroundings a lot more. I use to think that the gift of hearing was the ultimate prize that life could have handed me. I was wrong, the greatest gift in life is time. Time to stop and smell the roses, time to stop and watch, time to just stop,
Turn off your computer, put on your coat and go and just jump in the snow, listen to it crunch, smell the clean crisp air, and watch a winter squirrel for me.
Remission may be the abatement of symptoms, but it is also defined as a release. Put your hustle, bustle and crazy life into remission for just one day. I promise you will never see the world the same way again.
LiveSTRONG!
The act of remitting.
A condition or period in which something is remitted.
Abatement or subsiding of the symptoms of a disease.
The period during which the symptoms of a disease abate or subside.
Release, as from a debt, penalty, or obligation.
Forgiveness; pardon.
Those of us who suffer with Cancer define this word as victory, to win, to beat an opposing force. I also define it as a miracle. We all search for remission and we all hope to one day be able to live in the grace this state allows.
I spend so much time worrying about this tumour on my brain stem that I don't often think about the Hodgkin's disease that I am very much going to beat. Chemo and medication are helping me win this battle. I am excited to know that I am going to win this one. I sometimes spend so much time posting about the negative that is the tumour that I forget to post all that is so positive about beating Hodgkin's. Those of you who have been reading this blog know what I am talking about.
Lets take some time to look at all the positive things that being diagnosed allows you to have.
First off, your outlook on everything changes. You no longer go through the each day as if you were simply going through the motions. The little things that annoy most people now seem insignificant. What am I talking about you ask? How about this. Your standing in line waiting for your coffee well someone else frantically searches through their wallet/purse/pockets looking for change to pay. Meanwhile your standing there cursing because your running late and your body is having a Caffeine fit. I now stand in line and spend that time looking around the place, I smell the coffee brewing, the fresh donuts and pastry baking, the maniac pace that the other patrons try to keep up running from cashier to car. Its almost like watching things in slow motion.
How about a walk down a snowy street! Ever curse because your neighbours haven't shoveled their walk and your chances of slipping on the ice are now increased? Why not do what I do, look up! If you have not enjoyed the singular beauty of snow covering tree branches or better yet, tall pine tress, your letting some of the most beautiful natural creations slip right past you. Maybe you should also consider just stopping and listening to the sound of nothing. You know, dead silence. In our rush to do everything we are so bombarded with noise that we miss the sounds of the simplest things. Sounds like snow crunching under your shoe...try it, it sounds amazing like a bowl of rice krispies gone haywire LOL. If that is not your thing, try watching a winter squirrel digging through the snow for buried treasure. The winter squirrels are now quite fat and its funny to watch them run around looking for even more, completely oblivious to all the distractions.
I guess what I am saying is that despite all that is so very wrong with that I am dealing with, in a strange somewhat crazy way, there is also a lot of good. I stop and enjoy my surroundings a lot more. I use to think that the gift of hearing was the ultimate prize that life could have handed me. I was wrong, the greatest gift in life is time. Time to stop and smell the roses, time to stop and watch, time to just stop,
Turn off your computer, put on your coat and go and just jump in the snow, listen to it crunch, smell the clean crisp air, and watch a winter squirrel for me.
Remission may be the abatement of symptoms, but it is also defined as a release. Put your hustle, bustle and crazy life into remission for just one day. I promise you will never see the world the same way again.
LiveSTRONG!
Thursday, January 3, 2008
I Can Only Imagine
The holiday season seems to have come and gone faster than I remember from previous years. Maybe it was the excitement of the whole thing that simply stole time from me and left me staring blankly at January 2nd. It never stops amazing me just how quickly time goes by. One minute your opening gifts and laughing with family and the next your watching the new year roll in.
So what did I do over Christmas? Well, I ate too much baking, had too much to drink, ate far too much turkey and ham and completely lost track of all the people we saw. In general it was amazing! Our table was full of great food. From my aunts sweet potatoes to my mom’s ham and turkey dinner, to my cousins crazy good mincemeat tarts and Christmas pudding! It was all so good. I got all kinds of cool stuff including an iPod touch! That thing is amazing, now I can watch and listen to music, videos and even movies all in the palm of my hand LOL.
We sat around on Christmas eve and talked, laughed, hugged, and told silly stories about past Christmas mayhem. Then the most magical moment of the whole night for me. My Dad sat down in his recliner and pulled out “Twas the Night Before Christmas” and for the very first time, he read it to me. He didn’t have to sign it, he had so much emotion, he made voices and told the story with suspense. I thought it was amazing. I had never heard the story before and to hear it the way he told it was amazing. From there we did our best to sing Christmas carols even though none of us can really sing LOL.
It was just great. On the evening of the 25th I went and found my homeless friend. I brought him a plate of Christmas dinner, it was wrapped in foil but I am sure it was probably kinda cold when he got it but it was amazing. He was shocked when I walked up to him. I guess he thought I would not bother to show up but there I was with dinner in hand. I sat with him for an hour and we talked about all kinds of stuff. He said I was his Santa and wished me best of luck with my Cancer. I wont forget to see him again soon when I can.
So here we are, first week of January and I am just back from the hospital with another round of Chemo. I feel like dirt, wanna barf really bad and we are not even sure that any of this is going to work. This is not my last Christmas, not by a mile but if this does not work I may only have 2 to 3 left. I would like to think they will all be as good as this one. I am at peace with my situation though and I am not going to let it worry me anymore. I am at peace with my God and the hand I have been dealt. I have been introduced to another song that I am absolutely in love with. It comes from a friend of mine who I met at Chemo. It is by a group called Mercy Me and it is called, “I Can Only Imagine”. Over Christmas I found that it does not matter how much money you have, how many things you get or how many people send you cards. What I learned is that the measure of a man is not in his length of life, but instead, in his depth of life.
What is my depth of life? I can only imagine!
Livestrong!
So what did I do over Christmas? Well, I ate too much baking, had too much to drink, ate far too much turkey and ham and completely lost track of all the people we saw. In general it was amazing! Our table was full of great food. From my aunts sweet potatoes to my mom’s ham and turkey dinner, to my cousins crazy good mincemeat tarts and Christmas pudding! It was all so good. I got all kinds of cool stuff including an iPod touch! That thing is amazing, now I can watch and listen to music, videos and even movies all in the palm of my hand LOL.
We sat around on Christmas eve and talked, laughed, hugged, and told silly stories about past Christmas mayhem. Then the most magical moment of the whole night for me. My Dad sat down in his recliner and pulled out “Twas the Night Before Christmas” and for the very first time, he read it to me. He didn’t have to sign it, he had so much emotion, he made voices and told the story with suspense. I thought it was amazing. I had never heard the story before and to hear it the way he told it was amazing. From there we did our best to sing Christmas carols even though none of us can really sing LOL.
It was just great. On the evening of the 25th I went and found my homeless friend. I brought him a plate of Christmas dinner, it was wrapped in foil but I am sure it was probably kinda cold when he got it but it was amazing. He was shocked when I walked up to him. I guess he thought I would not bother to show up but there I was with dinner in hand. I sat with him for an hour and we talked about all kinds of stuff. He said I was his Santa and wished me best of luck with my Cancer. I wont forget to see him again soon when I can.
So here we are, first week of January and I am just back from the hospital with another round of Chemo. I feel like dirt, wanna barf really bad and we are not even sure that any of this is going to work. This is not my last Christmas, not by a mile but if this does not work I may only have 2 to 3 left. I would like to think they will all be as good as this one. I am at peace with my situation though and I am not going to let it worry me anymore. I am at peace with my God and the hand I have been dealt. I have been introduced to another song that I am absolutely in love with. It comes from a friend of mine who I met at Chemo. It is by a group called Mercy Me and it is called, “I Can Only Imagine”. Over Christmas I found that it does not matter how much money you have, how many things you get or how many people send you cards. What I learned is that the measure of a man is not in his length of life, but instead, in his depth of life.
What is my depth of life? I can only imagine!
Livestrong!
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