Finding the Phantom

I had the chance to watch the Phantom Of The Opera on video tonight. I am so very moved by it all that I need to write, I need to write what I am feeling.

The music in this musical is magical. The songs take you on an emotional roller coaster. From highs to lows to highs again. Although it was a hollywood version, it was amazing. Immediately my mind thought that the Phantom was this bad person who was not to be trusted, that he was evil incarnate but as I listened to his music, when I closed my eyes and let the tone, intonation, the movement and the true meaning and emotion of what he was singing set in, I began to see it all very differently. The Phantom is not some bad guy in the musical. He is actually a tortured musical genius, taunted by the inhabitants of his theatre. All he wants is his dear Christine Dyer to sing for him and sing she does.

My favourite song has to be "Music Of The Night". It grabs hold of you and does not let go. It wraps you in its mood and takes you for a ride. Amazing.

The song left me helpless to the notes that he sings and I loved the feeling of it all. The words felt like they were being spoken directly to me. "Hearing is believing, music is deceiving" how very true is that and yet every word had me taken fully.

I am rambling I know but I can not help myself, the music has impacted me so deeply and I cant shake it. I think I will watch it all again and it will occupy me for the rest of the week I am sure.

I must seem so very stupid for saying all of this about some musical but I cant help it. I love it and it is an excellent distraction for me. "Close your eyes and let music set you free, only then can you belong to me". Amazing. I wish I had the talent that these performers do because I think I would love to play the role if I could. So very dark, so very tortured and yet so very alive.

I am attaching a video of Michael Crawford and Sarah Brightman singing this song. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Thanks for listening as always

LiveSTRONG!

His Name Is Dan

I was walking through the downtown this afternoon, looking in the windows, shopping at a few stores and getting those few last minute things that we all seem to want right before Christmas. Wearing a nice warm Blue Jays coat, a Team Canada hat, and a scarf I made my way to the bus stop. Before stopping at the bus shelter though I was about to make a bee line for the Tim Hortons when I saw him. He was huddled up against a wall, holding tight to himself. His jacket was stained, filthy and torn, his pants were much the same and his gloves were a make shift finger out style. He was unshaven, and rather dirty and in his frost bitten and wind torn hands he held a cardboard sign asking for spare change for food. My heart sank. I felt bad for him and I didn't even know who he was but I was going to find out. I watched for a few minutes as the people rushed by him with their expensive gifts and brand name clothes. They walked right past him, almost afraid to look at him for fear he might dirty them with his eyes. It sickened me that nobody bothered to throw him a nickel at the time of the year where we are supposed to be most helpful.

I made the short walk to the Tim Hortons. I ordered two bowls of chili, two donuts and two large double doubles. With my bag of hot food, donuts and tray of two coffees I headed over to him. I stopped in front of him and said "Hi, my name is Derry, do you mind if I sit here with you?". He looked stunned, I don't think he knew what to say but I heard him say "sure kid, have a seat". I pulled up beside him and took a seat on a small section of his cardboard sheet. I then opened my bad and told him I had a bowl of chili and a donut for him and then handed him the coffee too. He was speechless. For the next 15 mins we ate in silence. He was almost ashamed to eat in front of me. He tried to use manners but sheer hunger got the better of him. I just looked away so as not to embarass him. When he was done I asked his name and he said his name was Dan. I told him that I thought the people who passed by him were cruel for not caring enough to even stop and he said he was used to it.

Over the course of the next hour I learned he had family in Kingston, that he was once a very able carpenter and that he lost his job and then took very sick and never recovered. He was single and had no children and his parents were deceased. He has a sister who wont talk to him and cousins who don't care about him. I told him that I was battling cancer and that I was once deaf. We talked about family, the holiday season and the simple acts of kindness.

When we were done, I shook his hand and told him I would look for him again. He said he would like that. I also told him that I would bring him some Christmas dinner on the 25th if he was still here. I told him I would bring it to him and stay until he finished and that way he could spend Christmas with someone he knew instead of spending it alone in a shelter with other people. He seemed touched by my offer. I left him speechless. I left feeling full in my heart.

Random acts of kindness. The ability to see past the exterior and touch someone who needs it most. Its not the gifts, the wrapping, the commercialism. Its the spirit of the season, and supporting your fellow human beings. Christmas for me is about paying it forward and giving back when you have been given so very much yourself.

His name is Dan, and I wont ever forget that.

LiveSTRONG!

I Wont Lose Faith

I have been waiting for the dust to settle on my emotions before I made this post. As most of you know I went to see a neurosurgeon regarding the tumor on the base of my brain stem. The idea was that it might be removable with a surgery but the surgeon shot that idea down saying that the risk far outweighs the benefits.

Apparently one wrong cut and he could paralyze me or more seriously, sever my brain stem and cause any or all of my major organs to stop functioning which of course would mean killing me.

I give him credit, he was professional about the whole thing and never once gave me any reason to think that I should not be positive about the news regardless of what it meant.

So what does it all mean? Well, now we start another round of chemo (All I want for christmas is my damn hair back) and then more likely radiation strips or discs will be surgically implanted into the tumor to try and kill it. If that works it could be as great as killing the tumor or the less better option of stopping it from progressing further. The worst case scenario is that none of the options works in which case I will likely have no more than 2 years to live and then I will be saying my goodbyes.

I am trying to keep a positive attitude about all of this. I am hoping that the Chemo and the radiation treatment will do what they need to do and put an end to this disease. I am also being realistic though in keeping in mind that the odds are not in my favour for this. The success rate with this is not all that great but that only means that I may be one of the blessed few who have success. For every negative there is an equal and opposite positive!

Whatever happens, I have made peace with my situation. If that means I only have 2 years left then so be it. I am gonna make those the best 2 damn years of my life and I am gonna shoot the moon, do it all, and have a blast. I am going to hear as much as I can, and experience everything I can. At least if I am going to go out, I am going to go out with my hearing. All 5 senses baby!!!

Thinking about this, that also means I may only have 8 more seasons on SIMhl with which to win another Stanley Cup...I guess what happens next will also impact what I do with my team.

Alright, enough of that. Everyone have an awesome night and take care! I am gonna be back in the next few days spending some time talking about my hearing cuz there is no way I am starting Chemo before Christmas!

LiveSTRONG!

Let The Music Heal Your Soul

As I am sure everyone knows I am big believer that music has the power to change us, empower us, move us, and most importantly...heal us.

As I continue my journey through the hearing world, and my battle with Cancer, I have found that music has taken a big role in my life. It has made the illogical sensible, the intangible, real. Through a mix of sounds and words, I can feel things I couldn't feel before. I can feel emotions that I could not sense before from sound. I experienced emotion just like anyone else, but never at the hands of anything other than visual stimuli or through touch. Sound has a way of rising and falling, cresting and crashing and its amazing how my emotions rise and fall with the sound. Then I hear words, and the words convey meaning, and the meaning wells up an emotion and the cycle continues.

I mean for this to be a short blog because I am not sure what to make of what I am experiencing yet when I listen to music. So much of it remains so very foreign to me that I don't really know yet how to express it.

What I do know at this point is this...Music can heal you, I believe that. Music can convey a message in a way that neither my hands nor my new found words can.

Today, for this blog, I am picking a song that I want to dedicate to anyone who uses the power of music to heal. Whether terminal or mental or just temporary, sickness can be beaten with music. I believe that.

LiveSTRONG!

Heavier Things

I have spent the last few days trying to focus on the tree cutting we had yesterday. I wanted to block out the things that bother me most so that I don't dwell on them. I wanted to enjoy decorating the tree and spending the night laughing and having fun. Having done that I want to talk about Friday.

I went to see my doctor and he had bad news for me. A routine scan found a mass on the base of my neck on my spinal cord. The test results are not back yet but he believes it is a cancerous tumour that was missed in the initial diagnosis. He said it was easy to miss and given that my symptoms did not lead him to think there was anything more but there is. I am going to see a neurosurgeon in the next few days though the feeling at this point is that it can not be operated on without severe risk of leaving me a quadriplegic. If they do not remove it though, it will kill me. My doctor is guessing that the best course of action will be a procedure that will insert a few little wafer like discs in it that will act like radiation and attempt to kill it. if that does not work, we will then do more Chemo and try to put it in remission. Failing that, I will die. Based on the size of the mass the doctor believes that if it is not stopped, my prognosis could be as little as 1 year to as many as 2-3 years.

I am scared...in a panic and trying to remain positive. I am hoping that the surgeon gives me better news and that if he does not, that the treatment options will work. What choice do I have. if none of it works, I will be dead in 1-3 years time.

I never thought I would be dealing with something like this and I honestly don't know what to do next. I am really scared, terrified and I honestly don't know what to do.

I am rambling, I really should end this now before I lose it. I will find strength in my past experiences...I will find strength in my friends and I will somehow find my way through this.

I am sorry that I sound like a pity party, I just needed to get this out.

Thanks for listening...I hope you like the song I chose for this entry, it just seems to fit

LiveSTRONG!

Tis The Season To Be Merry

We went out today and performed the one big holiday tradition we get the most excitement out of. We cut down our Christmas Tree.

For this blog entry, I want to forget about my cancer and focus on this tradition and what it was like for me to go out this time and hear everything. I am still reeling from the whole experience. It was so powerful and I really have to share.

It started this morning when mom made up a big thermos of Hot chocolate. Now, I don't mean the store bought stuff. I mean the real deal. She melts her own chocolate and blends it with sugar and some hot milk and let me tell you, Carnation and Nestle have nothing on my Mom's hot chocolate. From there we got bundled up and hopped in the truck to head out to find our tree. This time though, we put on a holiday CD in the truck. I have never been able to listen to Christmas music in the truck before when heading out to get the tree. I chose a CD I bought recently, Josh Groban's "Noel". Its an amazing CD and I love it.

Listening to Josh do his rendition of the traditional X-mas songs, we made our way out to the country. We don't go to a tree farm for our tree. We go out into the bush and actually look for the one we want. My dad thinks this is better and makes for a more rewarding tree because we actually have to look around and find it.

The drive took about 1/2 hour and we ended up pulling off the road and hopping out. I took a deep breath (like I always do) of pine, clean air and the smell of crisp snowy air. I then took my first few steps into the heavy snow and stopped. The sound was amazing. Have you ever stopped and listened to what it sounds like when you walk through fresh snow. It makes a strange crackling and crunching noise. I took it all in. Mom poured us a cup of Hot Chocolate and we began our walk in.

I listened to several winter squirrels chattering in the bush, a partridge flapped past us, its wings beating out a sound that reminded me of a drum and several birds chirped out various alerts to there brethren that the humans were coming.

It took us about 20 or so mins. but we found our tree. A thick and sturdy scotch pine. My dad got down on the ground and I listened as he sawed the trunk. The scraping, clicking, shooshing sound of the saw cutting through the trunk. The crackle, snap and pop of the last of the trunk giving way to gravity. I was overwhelmed. It was all so exciting and it left me awe struck. So many sounds, so many new sounds.

We tied up the tree to a sled and carted it back to the car where we tied it up and took it home. As we speak it is in its tree stand sucking up water and thawing out. Tonight we will put on a singer called Bing Crosby, sip egg nog and decorate our tree. Only this time, we will all tell stories and share instead of signing stories. I can hardly wait.

Its this time of season that I feel lighter, happier and fuller than I do any other time of year. This season is very special to me. With all that is going on, the excitement of the season and all my new experiences dampen the impact of the things I find myself fighting.

I am a lucky person, I know that, and I will never forget it. This season, think of all you have, all your traditions and all your family. Remember, the real joy of the season comes not in the gifts or trinkets, but in the love and warmth of family and friends.

LiveSTRONG!

Through My Eyes

I woke up this morning and took a long look in the mirror. Its funny, I never use to bother spending much time looking in the mirror, partially because I did not really care about being vain. Lately I spend a lot of time looking.

What I want to do is share with everyone what it is like to experience Chemotherapy or Chemo for short. For those who are going through it or are about to go through it, I want this to be a positive spin on the whole experience. I know that sounds kind of dumb but I believe that all bad things have a flip side if you take the time to find them. Lets begin.

The one thing everyone including me complains about is the nausea. You keep throwing up, and throwing up until you have nothing left to throw up and then you just dry heave. It hurts your chest after a while and your throat starts to burn. Tears come to your eyes as you start to realize that this is just the beginning. Now, the good side to this is, your starting to make progress. Believe it or not, the Nausea only lasts a day or two and it is the first sign that the Chemo is doing what it is supposed to do. I know it sucks that you dont want to eat but you have too. Even if it is just bland food or a liquid diet. Look at the bright side, your only 24 or so hours away from getting past this phase.

Next you will feel tired and run down, you wont really want to get out of bed or do anything. I know that sucks if yer super active like I was but lets look at the bright side. Yer parents cant nag you to mow the lawn, do your laundry or clean your room. You cant get shit for sitting in bed and playing Xbox all day, and you can watch Sportsnet 24/7 if you want and nobody is gonna complain. Now, is it really that bad to be that tired? Dont forget, you can sleep in and blame it on your Chemo :D

Okay so now the shocking part. Yer hair is going to fall out. I have already had this going full blown. Now, instead of sitting back and crying over my hair falling out, I just went and took a pair of clippers to my hair and cut it super short. Now when it falls out it does not look so bad. The good thing is you get out of having to wash your hair every other day and being bald is kinda cool...literally, you try going outside without a hat on LOL.

Look, I know it sucks to have to look in the mirror and see a tired, sick, nauseas, and bald person staring back at you but look at the bright side, yer that much closer to being in remission and I think that is pretty cool dont you?

Look, I cant take your pain away. I cant take your Cancer away. I cant make the pain you feel go away. What I can do is tell you that I know where your at and that I am there too. I can tell you I care about you, even though I dont know you. I can tell you that I am just as scared as you and that we are all in this together. Just do me a favour and the next time your scared and you feel alone in your battle, come to this blog and post whats on your mind and feel free to unload.

The song I have chosen for this blog is special and for anyone who is or has fought this awful disease. We are bound together by common thread and there is strength in numbers.

Brothers and Sisters, we will LiveSTRONG!

The Centre Of My Universe

I got mad today, I posted a remark on the SIMhl site that I never meant to make. I looked at a trade, got angry and just posted, another case of letting my heart control my head. I was tired and feeling sick again and sick of feeling sick. I just wanted to apologize for that cuz it was wrong.

Today I want to talk about the one who makes my world turn. My girlfriend is not deaf, she is hearing able and yet she loved me when I was deaf and the only way I could communicate with her was with my hands. She did not care that I could not speak to her, I could not sing to her, I could not call her on her cell phone or leave her a voicemail. She fell in love with a deaf guy and never left him and now she faces another challenge with me.

When I told her I was going to have my surgery she said she would love me no matter what happened. She said it did not matter if I could hear or not, it only mattered that she could FEEL that I loved her, not that I TOLD her I loved her. As soon as I got the latest round of news I called her and I cried. I told her I was scared, I told her that I was angry at the world and my god for allowing this to happen to me. She was silent for a minute and then told me it didn't matter because no matter what, she would be beside me for all of it.

I guess what I am trying to say in this blog is that you need to value your friends, and your loved ones. Do not allow them to fall away from you. Ask yourself, am I with them for them or with them for me? If your in it for yourself, you miss all the good stuff. My friends are with me because I am in it for them and She is with me because I am in it for her always. I think too many times we take our friends for granted. We assume that they will always be there and that they will always be there for us in return. What we need to remember is that this is not true. When I got my news, they could have up and left, they could have said they were busy and could not be bothered. Instead they came to me and continue to stand by my side.

This blog is dedicated to my girlfriend. The song I have chosen is for her, it really says what I feel for her. When I got my news, I tried to lie about it and tell her everything was fine but I could not, I tried to hide it from her but I could not. I am glad that I told her everything. Honesty is the best policy.

I want this blog, this journey through cancer to be a positive one, I want to impact others, I want to share my story and then go back to sharing my story about being deaf.

Tonight though I want to remind people that life is precious and love is rare, once you find it, never let it go...ever!

"Everyday your telling me, I am the one, who makes you shine"

LiveSTRONG!

An Ordinary Miracle

Hi Everyone...I thought it was time that I took some time out to post another entry.

I don't know if you noticed but I have been adding music videos off of you Youtube on my blog. I am choosing videos from songs that have meaning to me. This installment is no different.

For this blog I have chosen, "Ordinary Miracle" by Sarah McLaughlin. For me, it has a lot of meaning. I have experienced many miracles already. The miracle of being able to hear, the miracle of love, the miracle of support, the miracle of FRIENDSHIP! Now, more than ever, I am experiencing the miracle of courage.

For a while now I have been living in some self pity and it was wrong. I should be thankful that I have been chosen to face the challenge of beating this disease. I have already beat being deaf, this is just one more challenge for me. I don't want to view this as a negative, instead I want to see this as a positive chance to become stronger, and more in touch with what everyday life is really all about. Its not about the money, the material things, the objects we covet. It is about the inner strength to stand up to our darkest moments and fight our way out. As Rascall Flatts said, "I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness". How true is that. Your greatest moments of strength will always come to you at your greatest moments of weakness. I believe that, I have to believe it otherwise everything that is happening to me is for nothing.

I also want to take a moment to thank everyone who reads this blog with special shouts to Al, My other brother Darrell, Zebra Boy, and the whole SIMhl crew who visit here. Your notes have added light to a dark room, and from your words I find the strength to face this challenge. You will never really comprehend just how powerful your words really are.

To my best friends who email me about this blog, thank you. To the centre of my universe, I love you.

In the next few blogs I will be selecting music that I feel speaks to all of you. The first one will be a shout out to my girl, the second will be to the crew on SIMhl and the last one to all my closest friends.

For now I wanna ask that you watch this video and listen to the words. No matter what happens to me, I want you all to remember I told you this..."it's not length of life, but depth of life"

This is my Ordinary Miracle...I WILL LiveSTRONG

Let Me Introduce Myself

Hey everyone!

I am a little tired tonight and I have stuff to post but it is gonna have to wait until another night. Just feeling like total dog shit tonight.

Anyway, I thought I would post some pics of myself so you know what I look like. I know, sounds kinda corny but yeah, thought you should have a face to put with my name.

Everyone be kind about my pics ok?

Aight, here ya go

Episode 4...A New Hope

In my last post I think I may have been a little dramatic. I appologize for that. Thats not like me at all, I guess the shock of the news had not yet set in and so I think I went off a bit. I hope everyone understands. What I want to do now is just get everyone caught up on what has been going on.

Lets get things out in the open, time to get this into the light. My name is David, most of you know me as David, what you don't know is that my real given name is Derry...yes, like Dairy, except spelt Derry. I choose to go by David (my middle name) for personal reasons, not the least of which is to avoid being called "Dairy Queen" LOL. Lets also get out on the table that I have cancer. There I said it, and I find the more I say it, the more I dull the edge of the words, the more it becomes real and the more it becomes something I can really beat. I think that is a big part of it, being able to recognize that you can beat this.

I did some research, Mario Lemieux had this and he beat it so yeah, I can too. Put it into remission and go back to my quasi-normal life HAHA!

Okay, so since I got the diagnosis, I have begun early forms of treatment which have consisted of Chemo. I don't know if anyone who reads this knows how much that stuff kills ya but lemme tell ya, it is harsh. I have been very sick, hard to keep food down, lost some weight, and now I am losing my hair too. They say that is normal though. I just put a hat on and pretend I am normal.

My one escape has been SIMhl. If you dont know what that is check out www.simhl.com For me, it is a chance to live somewhere that is not real, play a game that reminds me that fantasy is safe and it is okay to just escape. The people there are pretty cool, I like them and they tolerate my ranting and bitching so I can't complain.

Anyway, I am going off topic. I am going to do some more Chemo, then they are going to put me on some meds and then monitor me and with any luck, I will be in remission. That is the hope anyway. I guess all I can do in the interim is hope for the best. What more can I really do. What I can tell you is that Christmas will mean a whole lot more to me this season than it has in the past. I think I am enjoying the real reason for Christmas a whole lot more now and for that I am very grateful. I don't think I would be enjoying it like this had I not got sick.

I want to type more but I am tired and feeling nauseas. I know I should write more but I just don't have it in me.



Thats it for today...

LiveSTRONG!

Is That What It Sounds Like...

Many people have asked me lately why I have not been posting to my blog, why have I not been keeping up on the journey from Deaf to hearing. To those who have asked me, your answer is coming. Sometimes lifes journeys take us on a different direction, such is the case with me.

Two weeks ago, I went to the doctor with swollen glands, night sweats, fatigue and a vague itchiness I could not explain. I was sent for blood work and called back the next day. The doctor knew what was wrong and wanted to see me.

I will never forget the sight of him walking in, his white lab coat on, file in hand, and a seriousness I had not seen in a long time. He sat down across from me, put his hand on my shoulder and in seconds changed my life. At that moment I wished I was deaf again but I was not. I told myself it was a dream but it was reality. I listened to him tell me I had Hodgkins disease...or in other terms, cancer of the lymph nodes.

Cancer...me...after all I have been through, how was this fair, how was this right? How could this be?

The good news he tells me is that the cure rate is over 90% and that because I am young, my chances are better still. It did not matter, I have cancer and I had to listen to him tell me. There was no hiding behind signs, no way to block it out. Suddenly, I knew what it was like to have to LISTEN to that kind of news.

For the next few posts I will break from posting on my hearing and take you on my journey to finding remission. A cure if you will. I put on my LiveSTRONG brecelet this morning and put on a brave face. I meet with the Oncologist tomorrow to map out my treatment.

I will listen to him and do what he tells me but this time, at night, I can HEAR myself crying, and the sounds terrifies me.

LiveSTRONG!

Do You Smell What I Smell?

I was going to talk about a couple of things today but I think instead that I will focus on what Christmas is like when you cant hear the sounds of Christmas. I never really knew what I was missing. I mean, for sure i could see a bell, I could see people standing in the mall dressed up like people from the pioneer days, clearly singing something but I had no idea what the bell sounded like, what they were singing or what the guy in the red suit thought was so funny that he was always laughing.

When your deaf some of the best parts of Christmas are the sights and smells of the holiday. I always enjoyed helping my parents decorate the house, I still do. There is nothing quite like hanging a wreath, some mistletoe, putting up the outdoor lights and discovering that a few had magically burned out since you last hung them, and the crowning moment, setting up the christmas tree.

When the day came for us to set up the tree, my parents always took me out to the woods to cut a real tree down. They understood the value of getting me out into the open air. Walking among the Scotch pines (my personal favourite because they smell so nice) I would breathe deeply and inhale the smell of fresh pine, cold snow, and good old clean fresh country air. It was amazing, and I loved every second of it. Dad would cut down the tree and we would eventually load it onto the car for the drive home.

Once we got home, Dad would set the tree in its stand to thaw and Mom would start baking something, anything, though usually chocolate chip cookies. It was not long before the house was full of the smell of fresh cookies, scotch pine, and coffee. It was beautiful, makes my skin crawl just typing about it.

We would gather around and begin to decorate the tree. We would sign stories with each other and just enjoy the comforts of being together.

The season would continue like this for weeks. Mom was smart, she would bake only a few things everyday so that I could enjoy many days in the house with the fragrance of fresh baking. I think she knew how important that was to me. It was all I had really, that and signing with family but to be honest, it was the smell of her baking that was most important to me.

Teh big day would eventually come and the house was full of family. The Turkey would be cooking, all the veggies, the stuffing, the sweet potatoes and my aunt's home made pumpkin pie. Christmas day was always amazing. Not because of the gifts, I do like gifts but it was being with my family that really got me excited. Still does.

Now that I can hear, when I look back on those years, I dont think I truly missed anything. I had everything I needed. In some respects I think I liked it better when I could not hear. Its funny, when I found myself able to hear I learned just how commercial Christmas really is. It was no longer about the sights and smells. Now I can hear advertising and commercials. Maybe, just maybe, I can plug my ears and find that place I was in just a little while ago. Just maybe...

Onward!

I Can't Hear You

I dont really remember when it was that I realized that I could not hear. I guess when you are born without hearing you never really realize what it is that you are missing. I remember as far back as 3 and even then, I remember seeing lips moving, but never connected to the idea that I was missing something. I also remember seeing a television and seeing the images but having no concept of what was being played on the screen. For me, everything was normal because I had no idea that something was missing.

I think my parents were probably more alarmed then I was. I remember very clearly now that I had an unordinary number of trips to various doctors. I now know that the idea was that I was being tested to see if my hearing was really gone. Again, for me, I had no concept that anything was wrong because in reality, when you dont have something to begin with, its really hard to miss it, or mourn for it.

I wont get too far into the details of what happened once it became clear that I was officially deaf, I will save that for a later blog. For now, I think I will focus on what it was like to be very young and not have a clue that you were very different from everyone else.

I think at a young age the hardest part was not having a clue when someone was sneaking up on you, or sitting in a room with your back to the door and not having a clue that someone had just walked in. That can be un-nerving to even the most hardened people. I learned over time though that my other senses were going to help me out. For example, I have an incredible sense of smell. I quickly learned the smells in my house. The smell of my room, the other rooms, the basement. I learned what my parents smelled like, their cologne or perfume, the hair styling product they used, the baby powder my dad uses after a shower. After a while I learned that I could tell someone was coming into my room just by the smell of their "marking". I say marking because that is what I call the scent that someone has.

I learned to spend more time smelling things, the flowers, the cut grass, the gasoline in the car, the rich smell of cooking in my kitchen. The holidays, especially Christmas were the best. I will spend a whole chapter of this blog on how a deaf person enjoys Christmas. I think you will like it. In short, I began to rely heavily on my nose to help me know when someone was behind me or to tell me when something was wrong when I could not hear it. For instance, a smoke detector was useless to me because I could not hear it but I can tell you, I can smell smoke far before the detector could LOL.

This part is going to sound crazy but I have a sixth sense on things too, I dont know how to explain it but I have a way of being dialed into those funny things that make the hair on your neck stand up. I learned to be dialed into my surroundings...I dont see dead people, I dont mean it like that, but I do have a weird way of just sensing someone around me, or sensing when somethng is about to happen to me. For example, I have dodged many a car that would have likely run me down for my not paying full attention just because something in my gut told me to get out of the way. Weird eh? I bet anyone could do it if they wanted...I just do it out of necessity LOL

Okay, so we have covered some more ground today, talking about my sense of smell, my sixth sense, and being diagnosed as deaf.

In my next entry, I will cover the smells of the holidays and how a deaf person has Christmas...its a little different really. I will also talk about how I communicated, that it, learning to sign. And I will probably touch on making friends.

Onward!

Welcome To My Blog

At the encouragement of many people, mostly friends and people I associate with online I have decided to set up a blog to talk about my experiences as a former deaf mute male.

Its interesting, I say former deaf mute because I had an operation that called a cochlear implantation that allowed me to be able to hear for the very first time. Up until that day I was going through life unable to hear or speak. The sound of my own voice was a mystery to me, I could not make words or sounds other than what I am told was basic grunts and groans.

So here I am, able to hear, able to speak and I am told it would be fascinating to tell the world about what it is like to be able to hear for the first time well still quite young.

What will follow in this blog will be a journey. I will take you from my earliest memories as a deaf mute and tell you what it was like to be me, unable to speak or hear and then walk you through the shocking, scary, amusing, exciting and generally emotional change to being able to hear and speak for the very first time. What it is like to experience that for the first time.

Some of my posts will be dark, depressing. I can't help that, its just the way I would have felt at that time and others will be really exciting, and emotionally charged.

In the end, I hope you enjoy taking this journey with me. If you have never lived without the ability to hear or speak, I hope my blog helps you appreciate all that you have and if you cant hear or speak, I hope my blog gives you hope for the future.

Miracles do happen....

Onward!