There has been a lot of talk around whether I would abandon the blog in light of everything that is going on. I want to make it clear that I don’t intend to do that. I am going to stick with this and keep going until I can no longer go.
I want to say up front that I am having really bad days. My mood is not where it needs to be and I am snapping at people for no good reason. I blow up at the stupidest things now and I cant seem to stop it. A trade in my hockey pool gets reversed and I went off the deep end. The response I get back from my counterpart in Detroit is that I am selfish. It hurts, I wont lie. It hurts to be told I am selfish because of a deal that went south and for going off about it. I try very hard to be happy go lucky all the time, I try to be level and even but I find it harder everyday. I am not selfish…I know in my heart of hearts I am not a selfish person. Im hurt, Im sick, and I am tired and it makes me hard to deal with sometimes. It really hurts though to be called selfish after everything I have been through and continue to go through.
Now, the blog. My worst case scenario is that I have 2 years at most to live. I want to use this blog as my memoirs. I want to write about as much of my life as I can. Both past and present. I want to talk about all the things I have seen and done and all the things I am doing. When I die, I want this to be a living memorial. I want it to be my little mark on the world.
I am going to start in the next entry by talking about learning to talk. When you get your hearing you need to learn to talk and that is not as easy as it seems. I will tell you more later though.
For now, I want to say that I am not a selfish person. I am a kind person, warm, caring and genuine. I am a hard working person who tries to be honest and fair whenever I can. I am a strong person who battles through whatever life deals him. I am not selfish and it hurts me more than anyone will ever know to think that someone feels that way about me.
I just don’t want to hurt anymore and if that is selfish, than I am sorry.
LiveSTRONG!
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2 comments:
Yeah, I remember that, that was insane. I know you aren't selfish man, I just think people don't understand what you are going through. I'm pretty sure uno was never told he had less than 2 years to live, and if he has, I apologize uno. You really are an inspiration to everyone. I hope for the best for you, and who knows, maybe the tumor will die down enough to the point where you can do more treatment. For now, just live it up man. Go out and have a good time, travel, do new things, and get drunk! lol. Anyway, I love reading this blog, can't wait till your next post.
Later,
Warrior
Just started reading your blog tonite, been reading for an hour straight, your entries are truly inspiring and really help to put life into perspective. Just by reading this blog I can tell without a shadow of a doubt that you are not in any way shape or form a selfish person. Keep on keepin' on.
Adam
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