A Day Of First's

Yesterday was a day of firsts for me. It was truly a very big day in my life as I did a couple of things I have never done before. I know I left everyone hanging in my last entry but I needed to get some advice, and some opinions from some people I really trust. My thanks to those of you who were able to get back to me so quickly.

Lets get down to business. The first thing for the day took place when I woke up. As I left off, I was going to get out of bed and I couldn't. Caleb was half awake, half dressed, and laying there in bed looking really cute. I have no idea what took over me or what happened but in a moment of time that I can't really understand, I shared a very intimate exchange with him, one that made him very happy. Now, don't get me wrong, I am still very much a virgin so NO, we did not have sex. It was just something that at the time, felt like something I wanted to do for him. When it was over, it changed me. I think for me it was the first real moment in which I have committed to this new lifestyle on a physical level. I mean, sure, sleeping with him and kissing him and all that was probably a commitment, but what I did that morning was something all together different. I thought I would be scared, nervous, freaked out and all that stuff but I wasn't. I was actually very comfortable and very much in control of myself. Th best part was when it was all done and he put his hand on the side of my face and with a very sincere look on his face, he said thank you and that he loved me and knew how much courage that probably took. I felt appreciated and it made the start of my day a good one.

The day was already going to be a big one for me as we were heading to my first ever Toronto Blue Jays game. The Jays were playing the Tigers and I was going! We were sitting in Section 127 of the Rogers Centre which is right between home plate and third and we were about 10 rows back from the field. It was amazing.

When we got to the dome stadium I was in complete awe of the size of the whole thing. It is huge inside and out. We walked along outside to gate 10 where we were going to head in. There was a huge mob of people and I got a little disoriented with all those people being around...talking, laughing, people yelling about selling tickets, program vendors yelling out for people to buy the game day program.

Once we got inside the gate I think I was in another world. The sounds, so many sounds. Sounds of people walking, talking, vendors selling things, cell phones ringing. It was very intense for me. I just wanted to find my seat and get settled.

W made our way down the aisle and Caleb took the inside seat and let me sit closest to the aisle. I wanted to be close to an aisle in case I got overwhelmed and had to get up.

One by one, players took time in the batting cage. It was amazing, the sound of the crack of the bat, the snap of the ball hitting the leather of Marco Scutaro's glove at third, the bats being bounced on the turf and the gentle buzz of voices in this massive stadium having conversations.

Once the warm ups were done we were all asked to stand and remove our hats for the singing if the national anthems. I have never heard the US anthem before and so when this girl walked out to the mike and started singing, I was blown away. Her voice was so pure, so strong. She sang and gave me goosebumps. As she switched to the Canadian Anthem, I did my best to sing along with her as I heard a dull version of the anthem being sung in the stadium as over 30,000 voices sang along with her. It was awe inspiring and I was lost for words...flush with emotions.

When she completed the anthems the loud roar of cheering swept the stadium and I almost had to cover my ears it was so loud. It really threw me.

Out walked Dustin McGowan to start the game. I watched him wind up and throw his first pitch as my first ever Jays game began in earnest. I heard the snap of Rod Barajas's glove as Dustin threw his first pitch for ball 1. I will never forget that image of Dustin throwing that first pitch, the mutton chop side burns, the look of seriousness and the batter waiting for the opportunity to crank the offering out of the park.

It was not long before I got my first home run experience. Bottom of the 1st and Alex Rios takes Bonderman deep for a solo shot. "Touch em all Alex" I shout as he makes his way around third. I know he does not hear me but I dont care. The crowd is just roaring and I am really getting into the whole thing. Its loud, very very loud and the sound effects in the game really give me a few moments of jumping in my seat as I am not ready for them. I am getting used to it though and Caleb keeps an eye on me. I think he is wrapped up in that child like wonder I bring to watching the game.

Things go back and forth all game as the Jays score, then the Tigers score, and the Jays score again!

I participate in the wave as it makes its way around the dome several times before people lose interest. The 7th inning stretch affords me a chance to get up and stretch my legs and arms. I am having a blast.

By the time the 9th inning rolls around, its 3-2 Jays and my boy B.J. Ryan comes running in from the pen to a thunderous applause. I am out of my seat and standing now with almost everyone else. Ryan gives up one hit and then another. There is a man on 3rd and a man on 1st with 2 out. One hit and the game is tied. The count is 2-2 and we are all screaming for a strike. The clapping, cheering, and anticipation. The tension is unreal as we all wait. Here's the pitch, Snap, it hits the glove as the umpire turns, shoots out his arm and declares a strike. 'He struck him out, he struck him out I yell as I jump around" . The dome goes nuts as everyone lets out a collective sigh of relief and a massive cheer.

Jays win, Jays win 3-2 as the players roll out to the field to congratulate each other.

The bus ride home is amazing. I sit and reflect on the day that was and how much fun I had at my first game. It surely wont be my last one.

Today I experience two very major things in my life and both of them have different yet profound impacts on me for 2 different reasons. I am very lucky and I know it. I have challenged my fear of crowds and loud noise and lived to tell. I have done what every kid needs to do and that is to see their baseball team win a ballgame.

Today I not only lived, but I lived STRONG! I am in awe and my emotions wont let me properly share what all this meant to me. I hope you can read between the lines today and know that today was one of the biggest days in my life.

LiveSTRONG!