I had an entry all typed out and ready to be posted and then I changed my mind. I logged onto the SIMhl and had an amazing conversation with a GM in there who helped me see a few things. I thought what I would do is just continue to let my guard down in this blog and tell you a little more about me.
I know over the seasons I have been on the site, people have differing ideas about how old I am. I have never really said how old I am and the conversation with this one GM highlighted that fact. That being said, and at risk of making myself look like an easy mark for trade offers (yeah right), I am going to tell you how old I am. If you have looked at my pics in here you will see that I am not all that old. I am actually 19 years old, though my experiences and all that I have been through make me seem a lot older.
I have been told many times that I act and behave older than I am. I think it is because I have been through a lot in my short life. I think when you face the sort of challenges and obstacles that I have, you grow up really quick. Don't get me wrong though, I still make stupid teenage boy mistakes and I still make dumb teenage boy comments and when I get wound up, I tend to act a little immature as a certain GM in the SIM will tell you.
I also tend to be a very funny guy. I don't usually like to be all serious and uptight. I also don't drink very much because when I drink or get drunk, I tend to become all serious and that is just not me at all. Those of you who know me on the SIM know that I tend to be funny and pretty easy going.
In the end, I just try to be a nice guy whenever I can. I don't usually rip on people, and I don't usually insult or hurt people. When I do, I tend to get upset at myself and then I usually feel really badly to the point that I usually send a note to the person to tell them I never meant to be mean to them. I guess some would say that makes me a bit of a pussy, but I think it makes me a nice guy.
I thought I should also say that I have decided to resume my chemo. I am going back to the doctor next week to make the arrangements. I am not sure that it is going to do me any good but Caleb wants me to fight and so, I am going to fight.
My parents are still not talking to me but Scooter seems to think they will be fine by Friday. I am hoping he is right. I know they have every right to be mad and I accept the punishment that they are giving me but I am still there Son and I need them. I have decided that if they don't start talking to me by the weekend, I am probably going to consider leaving. I can't handle how its making me feel and the reality is, I feel very alone in my own home. I feel invisible and it hurts. I know I hurt them, but I don't think that returning the favour is helpful. I hope I don't have to leave but if I have to then so be it. I know I can survive in a shelter, I have proven that.
The next post will be the movie post I promised. I really need to post something like that as a distraction to everything that is going on. It would probably be for the best anyway so we all have something fun and light to read for a change.
In the interim, I hope my open and honest approach to everything that is going on for me is helpful. I promise though that when/if any sex takes place, I will spare you all the gory details. I will find a classy way to say it happened but I wont force you to vomit in your mouth by sharing the mental pictures.
Lastly, just a thank you to all of you who post such nice things on here. Your friendship, especially now, is so very much appreciated.
LiveSTRONG
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Hey there bro...
Do a stranger a favor..... reconsider the possibility of leaving. I get that they perhaps don't get where you are in life right now, hell, they wouldn't have a clue where to start with you. But from another perspective, you WILL need them in the next little while, and THEY are gonna need YOU, too.
I get that you want to get out and experience life and all that it has to offer, ESPECIALLY given that there has been some pretty damn serious talk about "time limits".
But if you can (and I know this is HARD) try to take a step back and look at it from their perspective ... they are scared for you and for themselves. Not only are they risking losing you down the road due to something so horribly beyond their control, but they are (likely) having a hard time dealing with the thought of losing you to something else that they have no control over. The two things togher really is a tough mouthful to bite off, chew and subsequently swallow.
I've been through the rent anguish when I was growing up, but never had to deal with the "time limits" that you've had. But now, as a parent myself, I have begun to see just where my rents were coming from when I was going through testing my own waters.
I hope you take this for how it's meant. NOT as a older person trying to tell you what to do, or how to do it, but just as someone who's been through a bit, and trying to show you a different perspective.
I will be here, in your corner watching and ultimatly rooting for you!
N.
Hey Stranger 8)
I want to reconsider it and yet the more I think on it the more I think that this is just not the place for me right now. I am essentially alone at the moment, aside from my online friends, the friends around the neighbourhood and Caleb. I don't have parents right now and I am not sure when I will.
Your right, time is limited for me and the more time they spend hating me, the more time they waste in which they could be loving me. I am not going to be here forever unless things turn around and I am not getting my hopes up.
You know, I do see where they are coming from. This is why I am so willing to accept their punishment of ignoring me. I guess in some respects I wish it was like the old days when they would just ground me, spank me, lecture me, or whatever and it would be over. I guess being older simply means they need to come up with more adult ways to punish me and yet I think they way they are acting is really not very adult.
I know what yer gettin at. I have seen you post a few times and I get that your not being all adult and preachy on me. I feel you there brotha. I actually like hearing what you have to say cuz you give me perspective. I just wish you could give some to my rents.
I guess time will tell, as of this morning, the silent treatment rolls on. As I said, if nothing breaks soon, I may take a break and head away for a week and get some space. I may go stay with Caleb at the shelter come Sunday if need be.
But the really twisty thing bro, is the fact that they DON'T hate YOU.
Likely they hate how they are feeling in response to what you've told them, they are likely wondering where they went WRONG, and stabbing themselves over what they could have done DIFFERENTLY, but hate you? No.
If they hated you, they would be indifferent and quite frankly things would have gone on the same way they did before.
Take a break, yes. Get a clear picture of the "you and Caleb", but DON'T close the door on yer rents. My suggestion would be to go and spend a defined time at the shelter (and let your folks know what the defined time frame is so they know that they have a time limit to come to their senses) but come back home. If for nothing else, it will give you a series of "kodak moments" to review when things aren't going as well with you health wise and allows you to have their support and help when things aren't going so well....
The one thing that you may have overlooked bro, is that YOU are an ADULT. And ultimately you are in control of the situation because it's YOUR life. They can't ground you, spank you or whatever-you! But it does sound like they need to (are coming around to?) recognize that fact. And you need to start exercising control over your life.
They choose to respond to you "this" way. You have the choice too, in how you respond. As an adult, or as a child. (NO disrespect meant at ALL!) I say, given the path that you are on, perhaps reconsider how you are responding to the situation.
Hell, SOMEONE needs to be an adult in the situation....
(but that's just my two cents worth.....)
Go bro....Go bro (still chanting from your corner)
N
I dunno bro, I just feel as though I am public enemy number one in my own home. Its supposed to feel warm and safe here, and in reality, it is neither. It is painful. Its like we are simply existing, not living.
I have come to the decision that if they dont talk to me by Sunday, I am leaving for at least a week. I see no other choice. Someone needs to take action and it seems as though I am the only one willing. We were invited to dinner at my Aunts but the note I got this morning at my door said I was not welcome to join them...that really hurt, it cut deep and there is a well of pain and anger building in me that is burning me up inside. They are going there Sunday and if they dont talk to me, I will leave well they are gone. A clean break.
I know they can't punish me like a kid and lord knows I dont want them too. I just wish they would act like parents and at least talk to me, if only to tell me they dont love me no more, or they dont accept me, or anything. Its the not knowing what is going through their heads that is killing me/eating me. I can deal with whatever they have to say, but I can't feel anything, and thats the hardest part.
I know your not disrespecting me, its cool. I am not going to act like a child but then I cant control my silly teenage guy instincts sometimes...its like the wiring in my brain is not quite right or something cuz I keep WANTING to do the immature thing, and my body wont let me.
Yer awesome brotha...and if you decide you wanna adopt a brooding teenage bisexual male, lemme know 8) In the interim, yer comments have been a huge help, and having someone in my corner just feels good!
Awwwwwwwwwww.... I agree.... it IS nice to have someone in your corner rooting for you...
And yeah, you're first on my list to adopt, should I find myself in that position!
Hang in there...
N.
Post a Comment