Day 7 At The Shelter

Its Sunday morning and I wake up to the fact that I have only one more night of sleeping here before I return home to my own bed. I am anxious about that. I have become very comfortable waking up to Caleb and his smile. It’s going to be tough to adjust to not seeing him in the morning.

It’s Easter and the mood in the shelter is a mixture of somber and upbeat. Some are happy, others are sad as yet another holiday comes along. I try to be positive but the feelings of anxiety are tough to put down. Caleb almost senses this and puts his arm around me and tells me this is not the end of the road, it’s simply the beginning of a new adventure.

Breakfast comes and goes in a blur and all I can think about is getting out to our local coffee spot and sitting down to coffee alone with him.

We do just that. I sit there, sipping coffee, talking mindlessly and staring into his penetrating eyes. He looks calm, happy, and totally at peace. He tells me that with me he has found someone who truly seems to care. I tell him I feel the same for him. He feels he can trust me and I feel the same for him. We talk about the ground rules for our new relationship. I make it clear that I am not ready to “do it” yet and that I want to take it slow. He nods calmly and explains that he is not ready either. He speaks about his past experiences around sex and how they have been very bad and hard on him. He has come from a broken home where he was badly used and abused. He knows this makes him damaged goods and he knows that many will view him as clingy and maybe trying to take advantage. His honesty is one of his best qualities and I know that he is much better than he gives himself credit for.

We sit there for several hours again just talking and learning about each other. It’s amazing how much you can hear when you stop talking and start listening.

As the time rolls by and the conversation continues I truly begin to feel that I have found the one. Something about him just seems right, just FEELS right.

We eventually make our way back to the shelter as the dinner hour gets closer and closer. I try to remain positive over dinner but my emotions continue to chew away at me and make it more difficult than it should be.

Having finished dinner, we retire to the rec room to meet with T.J, and Jewel to play some cards and relax for the rest of the night. We chat, and reflect on the last week. We spend most of the time talking about how I tripped into this place and met them. They can’t fully understand why a guy like me would want to spend time with people like them and when I explain it to them; they just shake their heads in total disbelief. I don’t think they fully comprehend why a kid with Cancer would care so much about them. They tell me that having me here this last week has been a great gift. Jewel gives me a big hug and tells me that my courage is unbelievable and that she is going to kick my ass if I don’t keep in touch with her.

As the night winds down I begin to reflect on the week I spent here. I try to think about how I am going to summarize it in my blog. I drop myself on the couch and Caleb settles in beside me. I he puts his head back on my chest and I sit there with him in total silence, just enjoying the moment.

As we get ready for bed, we do as we usually do and I wrap my arms around him, giving him a big hug and a long kiss goodnight. I don’t want to let him go and yet I know this is not the end, it’s just the beginning.

As I drift off into sleep I think about tomorrow morning…and suddenly I am not so afraid.

Monday comes around and I wake up to find Caleb sitting on my bed. It’s a tough morning knowing that I am going to have to pack up and leave. I move quickly knowing that I am going to get very emotional. I pack up my bags and he helps me. He is packing up too as he gets ready to move to his new shelter for the week. I confirm the cell number and he does mine. We agree to meet tonight for a coffee and keep it going from there. I am not one for a long goodbye and knowing that I won’t wake up to him sitting there next morning is breaking my heart. I find Jewel and T.J. and wish them the best. Walking to the front door I give Caleb a huge hug and kiss and tell him I will see him tonight. Suddenly I don’t feel so sad…it’s only a matter of hours until I see him and from there we will see where it takes us.

Walking out the door I think back on the week that has been and I begin to think about what my summary blog entry will look like. The experience has been overwhelming on so many fronts. There is so much that I could not compact into these posts that I will try to cover in my summary post. My stay has been life altering for many reasons and for the first time in my life, I feel complete, alive and as though I am ready to take on the world at large.

I have scratched off one more item on my bucket list, and yet I am not ready to kick the bucket in the slightest…I have found new reasons for living and live I will.

LiveSTRONG!