I am not sure when the rents are going to start talking to me again. It feels like its been forever and yet it has only been a couple of days. I have been reminded that I must have completely shocked them and so I need to give them time to adapt and adjust to what I have dropped on them. I totally respect that and I guess I really have no choice but to wait. All I know is that I am not looking forward to the talking to I am going to get.
I have talked to Caleb about this and he says much the same thing, that I need to be patient and let things settle down. He is somewhat of a professional in this field having been there, done that.
I feel as though I am walking a long and winding road that is leading me somewhere I have never been before. I want my parents to love me and accept me for who I am and yet I just can't seem to get them to talk to me. I have tried signing to them and they out and out ignore me. It hurts but I am sure I have it coming given that I lied about where I was and then just out and out told them about Caleb. I just can't get past this sense of loss that is plaguing me, and yet I totally accept that I had it coming to me. It feels like a monumental loss and I can't seem to find the words to put it in perspective.
I want to be who I am for who I am and not what someone else feels I should be. I just wish I felt loved again.
I don't think I have said this before but I am now hooked on American Idol and have been watching it a lot. There is this one kid, David Archuleta who I think is amazing. I heard him sing the song I am putting in this blog tonight and I just felt it was right. I had never heard it before he sang it so I am kind of attached to his version of it. When I listen to it I think of how weird life can be, and how my whole life seems to be a long and winding road. All of a sudden, everything I know is changing and I am having a hard time keeping up. Thank god for some things keeping me grounded.
I feel as though I am typing mindlessly here and it is only because I am in such a state of flux. I continue to see Caleb nightly well my parents continue to keep ignoring me. Tough combination.
I am being open minded about all this and I am feeling safer and safer with Caleb. I know its moving fast and I know I can't control what is going to happen but I just feel as though he is the one. We click on so many levels and it just feels so very natural when were together. I am not jumping too fast though, sex is not on the agenda at this point and neither he nor I are going to rush that. We have decided that when and if i happens then that is what will be.
I want to give props as well to everyone who reads this and still has respect for me. You may never know how much your kind words mean to this kid from K-W and how very much I need you guys and gals to stick with me on this trip. Its exciting to know that this Blog is of interest to people. I write it for you guys and gals. I try not to hold anything back either, I want you to know me for who I really am regardless of what that means to my reputation. I want you to know the real me like Caleb does, and like my family does.
One thing I can say is, thank god I am too old for a spanking cuz I am sure my parents are mighty pissed at me for this one. I wish they weren't but hey, I have already said that up top.
I hope this entry is not boring everyone, its just that I needed a chance to get my stuff out on the table and see where we go from here. Thanks for lettin me do that.
I owe Al a special entry, he wants to know its like to watch my favourite movies now that I can hear the music and the sounds. I promise my entry tomorrow will deal with that. Its a great question and I wanna answer it
On a funny note, as most of you know, I am learning to speak. I have trouble with pronunciation and Caleb knows this. The other night he gives me a sheet of paper with the words, "I AM SOFA KING WE TODD DID" written on it and he asked me to read it out loud. Now, I am not that great at that kind of thing so by like the 10th time, I finally got it but Caleb was already rolling on the floor laughing...he thought it was hysterical and so did I once I got it.
I have another important announcement to make and this is really important. Tuesday May 13th is LiveSTRONG Day. I want to ask everyone who reads this, to please wear yellow on the 13th of May. It would mean a lot to me if you would and if you would spread the word and help me help the LAF build our Yellow Army! I will be posting more on this as it gets closer but it would mean a lot to me if you would all just put on some yellow and show your support.
Be sure to check out the video...if you can watch David sing and not feel he has talent then I need my hearing checked again 8)
Alright peeps, time for me to be shovin off. I don't know what I am going to do tonight after I am done meeting Caleb. It seems I come home, go to bed, get up, try to get a response from the rents and they just leave. I am in a house full of people and yet I have never in my life felt so very alone.
LiveSTRONG!
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3 comments:
Sorry to hear that the rents have yet to help you out by opening up the lines of communication.
Continue to be true to yourself. Ultimately, that's all you've really got.....
Still rooting for yah brother!
N.
It's unfortunate that your parents are being this way, but like I said...don't be too disappointed in them this was a pretty big bomb you dropped on them. Just telling them about the shelter would have sent lesser parents over the deep end. In fact, I'd be curious to find out which part upsets them more, the shelter or the relationship. Are they overly religious? If they are, this may take awhile. They'll be struggling with everything they've been taught and with your new reality. In the end though I've gotta think that they'll eventually come around.
One thing that may make it easier on them is if you don't flaunt your relationship with Caleb too much in the beginning. I'm not saying you should sneak around but when they finally do come to terms with what you've told them, knowing about it and actually witnessing it are two very different things. You may have to ease them into it.
I don't know if that makes any sense.
Hey Big Man
I am on your side here. As a parent, I can understand why your parents are acting the way they are. Understanding it though does not mean I support it. With time they will come around. In the meantime do as your friend Al here says and dont rub it in their faces.
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