Dear Mom & Dad

Dear Mom & Dad

By the time you get home and read this, I will already be long gone.

The last week has been extremely painful for everyone and I am sure it has been most painful for you. I am sure you consider me to be a total disappointment. You wanted a healthy happy Son and instead you got a once deaf cancer ridden bisexual boy. I cant imagine how disappointed you must be.

You also can not begin to understand how hard it is to be me. I want to make you happy, and I want to make you proud but it seems I can not do that. I am so very sorry for that. All I ever wanted was to be happy and have your full support and love.

I know that you need to punish me and I know that means not speaking to me. I accept that, I know I had it coming when I lied to you about where I was and then dropped the bigger bomb on you all at one time.

Since that week I have felt like a total stranger in my own home. From not being welcome at the dinner or breakfast table to being out and out told that I am not welcome at Aunt Sarah's. I have never felt so alone in my own home. If your intention was to make me feel this way, then you have succeeded. I know you are struggling to accept me for who I am and to accept the role Caleb now plays in my life. I am so very sorry for forcing that on you.

I have decided that the best thing for everyone is for me to leave. I have made arrangements to be away for a week to start. I will not be accepting email, text msgs, or phone calls from you during this time. You have spent the last week shutting me out and I am afraid, I need to do the same to you for a while. After the week I will come back and we can try again. If that does not work, I will be making arrangements to leave permanently. You will not be bothered with my existence again.

As I am 19, you will not be able to access my medical information either and so asking the doctor or a hospital about me will not be of any help to you as I will be advising them to treat my situation confidentially which includes shutting you out for the time being.

I am so very sorry it has come to this but I see no other way right now. For the last week I have tried to make nice and be patient but it has gotten me nowhere. Now it is time for me to do something about it.

You can not possibly imagine how hard it has been to go from having such wonderful holiday events together, to this. I wish it could have been different, but it can't be.

To be fair, I have left you my house key. I don't feel that I am entitled to it right now seeing as I don't really feel welcome here.

I wish this could be different, and maybe someday it can be. For now, I need to go. I hope you understand. This is killing me, you have no idea. I wanted whatever time I have left to be happy and to have been filled with wonderful memories of each other. Maybe some day that will be the case...someday.

Love,

Your Son...Derry