7 Days In Retrospect And A New Beginning

I woke up this morning and things were back to normal. There was no Caleb at the bottom of my bed and breakfast was not waiting for me in the kitchen. No T.J. and no Jewel to talk to or play cards with. Indeed, life is back to normal.

I want to use this space to touch on the last week. I have just wrapped up 7 days in a youth shelter for homeless youth. I arrived there open minded, unsure, and confident in whom I was. I left there open minded, enriched, fulfilled, and in a relationship. It was the best 7 days I have ever spent doing something.

When you arrive at a place like that you never really know what you’re going to find. What I learned is that my stereotypes and pre-conceived ideas were out to lunch. Just because someone is a recovering heroin addict does not mean that they can’t be a good person. Just because someone has come from an abusive home does not mean that can’t feel love. I think that is where I stumbled. I had to break my own stereotypes and once I accomplished that, I saw things in a new light.

It’s like wearing a pair of glasses with the wrong prescription. You can see, but things are blurry and distorted. Over the course of the first few days, the prescription changed and I was able to make things out in detail and the images went from being blurry and funny looking, to crisp and beautiful. That is not to say it was all roses. It was not, the fight in the kitchen was evidence of that. But for me that was an isolated incident and to be honest, I did not see a lot of hostility. I think when you decide to go to a place like this; you are ultimately making a decision to change yourself. You can’t stay unless you’re willing to contribute, attend classes, and adhere to a curfew. It’s very structured and in that sense I think it is structure that is what these youth are looking for. The fact that they seek it out makes me believe that they want to be in a better position. They don’t want to be on the street anymore. Their courage humbles me.

As the week wore on, feelings I never thought I had were kindled. I met a guy, I developed feelings for him, and my life changed again. Suddenly, I was feeling alive again, my cancer was not on my mind as much and the world seemed right. For Caleb, he found someone willing to accept him for who he is. Acceptance and unconditional love are two things that we look for. A friend reminded me of this (Thanks Jer) and I think that is why Caleb and I work so well together. We both have issues/baggage and yet we both find ourselves willing to look past that and make it work. Unconditional love and acceptance.

As the week came to a close I began to see these people in a new way. I was open and willing to give unconditional love to those who needed it more than anyone else. I was feeling full in my heart. I felt as though I may have made a small difference and although I found it hard to believe, I was constantly reminded of how great it was that was I there. It was as if I was some kind of celebrity though I never wanted to be one. I wanted to come in quietly, observe, give hope and love and leave again. What I got instead was all that ten fold and then…I got it back in return.

I leave there with hope. Hope that the world can be a better place if we all just try to do our part. I leave there with love, the love of friends and a new relationship. I leave there with peace, the peace of mind of knowing that I am a better person for giving up my creature comforts and going where many of us shudder to think about going. Lastly, I leave there fulfilled, fulfilled knowing that I am a good person. I am a person you can rely on and someone who will love you for who you are no matter what.

My week there was good, I learned a lot, and I would do it all again in a heartbeat. Lastly, I left there with a big challenge. The challenge of returning home and telling my parents that their son is a bisexual and has found unconditional love with another guy.

Last night I sat down with my parents and with Caleb waiting for me at Tim Hortons, I told them the truth, in full, without editing. I was not sure what I would get back for a response and it was exactly what I expected. Stunned silence, disbelief and then they both got up and walked away. When I asked if we could talk, they said they had nothing to say at this point and needed time to think. It crushed me, and was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. They would not talk to me this morning and I am not sure when they will. They know about Caleb, I won’t hide him from them; I can’t do that to him. All I can do now is wait, and hope that my experience at the shelter is not a foundation on which I will be building more experiences anytime soon.

LiveSTRONG!