Its a funny thing when you go from expecting the worst in life to suddenly finding yourself able to expect so very much more. A few months ago I was not sure I was going to make it two more years and now I find myself wondering what to do with the rest of what looks like a long and very normal life. Its weird how you almost end up lost. I sit here not sure of what I want to do. All of a sudden I have choices I can and need to make and I am not sure what to do. Lets explore that.
I have always wanted to be a pediatrician. I want to be a kids doctor. Its not that I dont think I have the talent or the brains to do it because I think that I do. Now it is just a question of what I think I am meant to do. That is the real issue here. A while ago I never thought I had a chance. I thought everything was done for me, plotted out and set in stone. Now all of a sudden I find myself unsure of what I am meant to do on this earth. Why was I spared when so many others are not given that chance. That is the burden I carry now. I need to figure out why I was chosen to have a second chance at life and what am I supposed to do with that second chance?
We all go about our daily lives doing what we think is best. We dont ever stop and think to ourselves, what if this was the last day I had on earth. What impact could I make? what would my legacy be? what would people say about me if I was suddenly gone.
Today, Now, as I lay at home and recover, as my brain heals, as the scars cover up the incisions, as I take a fearless inventory of who I am, I ask myself, what am I meant to do now? What is the role I am meant to play in the bigger scheme of things? Was I spared because I am meant to do something more than I have done already? So may questions and it makes my head hurt. I know I have been given a second chance at life and I have no idea why. What I do know is that I am one of the few people who gets the chance to do it all over again. If you were given such a chance what would you do?
Time to take that inventory and do some soul searching...time to find my place in this world, whatever it is.
LiveSTRONG!
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Sooooooooooo glad your home Derry. You know how much we all wanted you to be ok and now you are. I can hardly wait to see you again.
Until then, and until Caleb runs his course with you:
Derry walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
He'd better hold him tight, give him all his love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know he's lucky
--Taylor Swift
"Teardrops On My Guitar"
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