Its Thursday morning and I wake up this morning and Caleb is nowhere to be found. I feel disoriented, out of place and a wave of anxiety and nausea rushes over me. I feel as though the walls are closing in around me and my bearings are out of whack. I go to get out of bed and it hits me....
My eyes open and there is Caleb in his usual place, frowning, almost worried. Apparently I was dreaming and as he put it, "Talking Chinese". Dreams are funny sometimes but this one just felt so real. I try to explain it to him and he tries to make me feel better. He tells me its just a case of him being too damn cool for me. I laugh with him and he gives me a hug, tells me not to worry, everything is going to be just great.
Breakfast is the usual and from there he heads out to his class. I have started to learn that what they talk about in this class is coping strategies, self esteem, life skills, and other things that recovering addicts need to keep themselves from becoming addicted again. I am extremely proud of him. He is not your typical recovering addict. He actually wants to get better and he is doing his damndest to make that happen. Its impressive and I cant help but feel great for him.
Today I need to decide what I want to do with my day. There is a class on job searching, resume writing, interviewing, etc that is running today and I decide that this is a good class for me to take. I may never get to use half of what I learn in this class but I want to learn it anyway on the off chance I live long enough to make a serious job search.
The class is full and there is a wide variety of people in there. Its interesting to watch everyone and see them trying to change their lives. The power of the human spirit is alive and well and very much present in this room. Through the day people share what they want to do, share their anxieties, successes and failures in finding a job. Everyone is supportive and many of them chime in to share words of encouragement. It feels like a huge safety net in here. In the end I walk away with some great life skills and I think I am a better person for it.
The evening sees me hook up with Caleb and company and we all have dinner together. Its nice...we sit and joke, talk about what we did for the day and talk about what is going on around us. Its intimate but safe and I like it. I get asked lots of questions about what it was like to be deaf, how that changed and how I am now coping in the hearing world. I get asked what it was like to be able to hear. I tell them all about it and they seem genuinely interested. They ask about my Cancer and how I can remain so positive. They want to know why I would want to spend so much time in a place like this with people like them. I pause and look at them and tell them because I wanted to make a difference for someone who was in their position and I turn to Caleb and tell him that I wanted to find just one person and establish a deeper connection. Its amazing, I find myself totally at ease and the conversation is flowing naturally,
Its almost 10 PM and Caleb excuses himself and asks me to join him. We head outside as he tells me he wants to go for a walk tonight. We walk along the street in the cool night air and its as if we have known each other forever. I had no idea what was about to happen although deep down I probably should have seen it coming. We stop a few blocks away and turn down the street. We stop again and Caleb looks at me with those soulful eyes, and he tells me that there is something he really needs to say. I am not sure what to expect though somehow I almost know what is coming. Without missing a beat he tells me he thinks he is falling for me and has no idea what to do about it, hes scared about how I am going to feel hearing that from him. Before I even get a chance to respond, he grabs a hold of me and kisses me.
At this point I have no idea what to do or what is happening. I felt as though I was in some kind of dream state, not really connected to reality anymore. I am frozen, not sure how to respond and as he lets me go and backs up I stare at him completely lost in a crashing wave of emotions. He looks scared, almost thinking that I might deck him or something. Still unsure of myself I look at him and all I could muster was, "Wow, ok, well I am not sure what to say to that".
I wont go into the details of our conversation though I will say that we talked, a lot, and walked, a lot. I am not sure what I am feeling right now. I am very confused by where my head is at and I told him that. He respected my uncertainty with what just happened and with that we stopped at a Tim Hortons and had a coffee before heading back to the shelter.
As is our usual custom, and one that wont be changed by a series of unusual events, he hugged me and he crashed. I laid awake, thinking, thinking, and then thinking again before I lost track of my thinking and nodded off.
I know that anyone reading this will probably think I am crazy for not out and out telling him to F-Off or something stronger. I didn't, I couldn't, and I am not even sure I wanted to. I have lived my short life in complete tolerance and acceptance of everything around me. I wont pass judgement on anyone, even when they do something like that. I look at what happened as an experience...something I had never done before. The funny thing is, I am not sure I didn't like it. What I do know is that everything I thought I knew about myself is now in a whirlwind. I need to centre myself and yet I can't get the experience or Caleb out of my mind.
I also know that there will be those who will now have lost all respect for me. I accept that. I can't force you to think well of me and I wont try to. I started this blog as an open environment to post on my experiences. I accept your judgement, whether positive or negative and if by my actions you can no longer accept me for who I am, I still respect you and still love you as a fellow human being.
I want to live out the life I have been handed with an open mind and heart. I came to this place looking to share love with those who needed it most and somehow, in some strange way, I ended up on the receiving end.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I do know that my eyes are wide open, and my heart is too.
LiveSTRONG!
Friday, March 21, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Day 3 At The Shelter
Someimes I feel as though I am a broken record when I do a series like this because so many of the things that you do in a place like this are all about routines. I think it is meant to build a sense of stability into the persons life. Something that was likely sorely missing up until that point in time. And so begins day 3 at my temporary home.
I woke up this morning and there was Caleb, sitting in a chair right beside me, half dressed but waiting for me to greet the morning. As my vision came around and I got my bearings his smile once again greeted me. For the first time, I did not wake up feeling a sense of panic. I felt calm, relaxed, and I think I got the best night sleep yet.
As is the usual thing for Caleb and I, we got dressed, and ready for breakfast. Nothing special to report on the breakfast front as things are pretty much the same there day by day.
Over breakfast Caleb told me that he did not have his course today and that we has no kitchen duty. Apparently it is customary for the residents to help in the kitchen for prep-work. Kind of like working for your food and shelter. He asked if I wanted to help and I of course said yes.
We spent the whole day prepping lunch and dinner. We even helped with lunch and dinner service. It was not all roses though. During the course of lunch prep, two other residents got into a verbal confrontation and it got really heated. Caleb jumped in and suggested everyone just go out for a smoke and cool off and I agreed. Well that was all it took. The one guy just popped and went off the deep end taking a lunge at the first guy. He got knocked backwards and slammed into Caleb sending all three of them to the gound. Not wanting to see my friend get hurt, I jumped in and pulled the one guy off of Caleb and tried to separate the two of them but they had none of that. By this point the kitchen staff were on the phone to the police and T.J was coming clear across the kitchen to cover my back. The first guy took a swing at me for intervening me but I was a little farther away then he expected. Having missed, I cold cocked him in the mouth and sent him reeling. By this point things were at fever pitch in the kitchen and pots and pans were crashing, people yelling, and all hell breaking loose. Having been punched and the second guy recognizing he had an opportunity, he football tackled the first guy to the floor. I felt a rough tug on my collar and it was T.J. grabbing me by the collar to keep me out of it. It felt like seconds but really went about 10 minutes. When it was all said and done, the Cops took names and we were all warned to cool it or we would be booted. The guy who started it got kicked out and that was it for him.
Having made it through my first big fight, I decided to spend the remainder of the evening in the rec room with Jewel, Caleb, and T.J.. The three of them joked about how I got into my first big fight and how funny it was to see me that wound up. Caleb put his arm around me and said, “don’t be messin with my bodyguard” and I just laughed at him.
We spent most of the night just watching T.V. and chatting. T.J. and Jewel sat together and Caleb and I sat on another couch but we were all kind of angled so we could all see each other and talk and watch the tube. I am at a bit of a crossroads now though. I am going to open up more than I usually which is to say that I am going to say a little bit more about what I am feeling as opposed to just glossing over it and saying nothing. It may cost me some opinions on who I am but then I also feel I need to be who I am, for who I am, regardless of what anyone thinks of me. There is no secret to the fact that Caleb and I are getting close. Our friendship is growing and although it could be said that I am being played or whatever, I am just not feeling that from him. I think he really is who he is, and he is trying so very hard to be a better person. I also know that Caleb is Bi and that he has the ability to get close to other guys and not let that be an issue. Some people could take him hugging me and vice versa before we crash as being something more. Others would say that we spend a lot of time together and perhaps we spend too much time together. What I know is that when we spend time together, I feel really good. When he hugs me before we crash, it feels good. When I wake up and he is sitting there smiling at me, I feel warm. Last night when we sat on the couch in the rec room and we just watched TV and talked with T.J. and Jewel, it felt good. I am not sure what to make of what I am feeling though. I know I feel a close connection to him and he feels the same with me. I never expected this to happen when I started this. I thought I would get close to someone or a few people and I would end up just showing them that someone cared. I had no idea that in doing so, I would also find myself on the receiving end of that same emotion. I guess what I am trying to say is that my emotions and my feelings are out of whack at the moment. I dont really fully understand what I am feeling or why I am feeling it. What I do know is that I really like hanging with him and I think our friendship will extend outside this place.
Okay, enough, I am starting to ramble and losing my train of thought here.
By the end of the night I did what I usually do, I headed to the kitchen, got a cup of coffee, and finished up for the night. From there I made my way to my bed, got my hug from Caleb and crashed.
Tomorrow will be another day and I will have yet another chance to make a difference. I just hope it does not mean that I need to throw another punch. I feel badly for that, I am not a fighter. Never have been and when I hit that guy, everything changed. I can not take back what I did. I can only try not to do it again in the future.
One last thing, please dont judge me for my actions...I never meant to hurt anyone.
LiveSTRONG!
I woke up this morning and there was Caleb, sitting in a chair right beside me, half dressed but waiting for me to greet the morning. As my vision came around and I got my bearings his smile once again greeted me. For the first time, I did not wake up feeling a sense of panic. I felt calm, relaxed, and I think I got the best night sleep yet.
As is the usual thing for Caleb and I, we got dressed, and ready for breakfast. Nothing special to report on the breakfast front as things are pretty much the same there day by day.
Over breakfast Caleb told me that he did not have his course today and that we has no kitchen duty. Apparently it is customary for the residents to help in the kitchen for prep-work. Kind of like working for your food and shelter. He asked if I wanted to help and I of course said yes.
We spent the whole day prepping lunch and dinner. We even helped with lunch and dinner service. It was not all roses though. During the course of lunch prep, two other residents got into a verbal confrontation and it got really heated. Caleb jumped in and suggested everyone just go out for a smoke and cool off and I agreed. Well that was all it took. The one guy just popped and went off the deep end taking a lunge at the first guy. He got knocked backwards and slammed into Caleb sending all three of them to the gound. Not wanting to see my friend get hurt, I jumped in and pulled the one guy off of Caleb and tried to separate the two of them but they had none of that. By this point the kitchen staff were on the phone to the police and T.J was coming clear across the kitchen to cover my back. The first guy took a swing at me for intervening me but I was a little farther away then he expected. Having missed, I cold cocked him in the mouth and sent him reeling. By this point things were at fever pitch in the kitchen and pots and pans were crashing, people yelling, and all hell breaking loose. Having been punched and the second guy recognizing he had an opportunity, he football tackled the first guy to the floor. I felt a rough tug on my collar and it was T.J. grabbing me by the collar to keep me out of it. It felt like seconds but really went about 10 minutes. When it was all said and done, the Cops took names and we were all warned to cool it or we would be booted. The guy who started it got kicked out and that was it for him.
Having made it through my first big fight, I decided to spend the remainder of the evening in the rec room with Jewel, Caleb, and T.J.. The three of them joked about how I got into my first big fight and how funny it was to see me that wound up. Caleb put his arm around me and said, “don’t be messin with my bodyguard” and I just laughed at him.
We spent most of the night just watching T.V. and chatting. T.J. and Jewel sat together and Caleb and I sat on another couch but we were all kind of angled so we could all see each other and talk and watch the tube. I am at a bit of a crossroads now though. I am going to open up more than I usually which is to say that I am going to say a little bit more about what I am feeling as opposed to just glossing over it and saying nothing. It may cost me some opinions on who I am but then I also feel I need to be who I am, for who I am, regardless of what anyone thinks of me. There is no secret to the fact that Caleb and I are getting close. Our friendship is growing and although it could be said that I am being played or whatever, I am just not feeling that from him. I think he really is who he is, and he is trying so very hard to be a better person. I also know that Caleb is Bi and that he has the ability to get close to other guys and not let that be an issue. Some people could take him hugging me and vice versa before we crash as being something more. Others would say that we spend a lot of time together and perhaps we spend too much time together. What I know is that when we spend time together, I feel really good. When he hugs me before we crash, it feels good. When I wake up and he is sitting there smiling at me, I feel warm. Last night when we sat on the couch in the rec room and we just watched TV and talked with T.J. and Jewel, it felt good. I am not sure what to make of what I am feeling though. I know I feel a close connection to him and he feels the same with me. I never expected this to happen when I started this. I thought I would get close to someone or a few people and I would end up just showing them that someone cared. I had no idea that in doing so, I would also find myself on the receiving end of that same emotion. I guess what I am trying to say is that my emotions and my feelings are out of whack at the moment. I dont really fully understand what I am feeling or why I am feeling it. What I do know is that I really like hanging with him and I think our friendship will extend outside this place.
Okay, enough, I am starting to ramble and losing my train of thought here.
By the end of the night I did what I usually do, I headed to the kitchen, got a cup of coffee, and finished up for the night. From there I made my way to my bed, got my hug from Caleb and crashed.
Tomorrow will be another day and I will have yet another chance to make a difference. I just hope it does not mean that I need to throw another punch. I feel badly for that, I am not a fighter. Never have been and when I hit that guy, everything changed. I can not take back what I did. I can only try not to do it again in the future.
One last thing, please dont judge me for my actions...I never meant to hurt anyone.
LiveSTRONG!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Day 2 At The Shelter
Day 2 at the shelter is in the books and I continue to learn new things about what it is to not have the luxuries I have in life. Let me give you the run down on the day.
My morning started as it usually does, I opened my eyes to Caleb and a big smile telling me I needed to get my butt in gear so we could go to breakfast. I lifted myself out of bed, stretching my stiff back and tried to make sense out of my surroundings. I have been having dreamless sleep since I got here. Not sure if it is just a side effect of my new surroundings or if it is something else.
Breakfast was the usual selection, you could have cold cereal, eggs and bacon or oatmeal. There was toast, juice and coffee too. The food is not what I am used too but it is not as bad as I initially expected it to be. The good news is that it is hot and good for me so what more could I ask for.
I had my choice of things to do during the day today so I opted to go to a full day class on healthy living and choices. I learned about why I should choose to avoid drugs, prostitution, petty theft, and other illegal things. I also learned that finding a stable home environment and learning to cook and fend for myself was paramount. I also learned that getting educated and finding meaningful work would be good for me. All in all, I took a lot away from that class. I wanted to spend the day with Caleb but he goes to a program for recovering addicts and it is not open to anyone else. I am really happy for him, he genuinely seems to want to turn his life around which I think is a great thing.
By dinner time I had met up with my buddy and he introduced me to some of his friends. T.J, Jewel, and Marcus. The 4 of them and I spent most of the evening playing cards and talking. We talked about each others situation, how we got to where we are now and what we are planning to do to get things back on track. They listened to my story about how I was once deaf and how I was now battling Cancer. The cool thing is that they do not pity me. They don’t judge either and I don’t judge them. Am I being scammed, played or whatever you wanna call it? I don’t know. Maybe. But I try to think that their friendship is genuine. They seem like really nice people who simply found themselves in bad situations. T.J’s mother is a prostitute who refuses to acknowledge he is alive. Jewel comes from a household of drunks who like to beat on her and Marcus is another recovering heroin addict.
I admire their strength and their willingness to accept that they need to take action and do something about their situations. I think it takes tremendous courage to step up and do something. They no longer want to be victims of their circumstances and I find that encouraging. It gives me the strength I need to fight the good fight.
By the end of the night I had 3 more friends and we were all laughing, and sharing. I like to think I brought some sense of normal to the table. I also like to think that I brought love and a genuine desire to help.
It was probably closer to midnight before Caleb and I went to bed. As is our new custom, he gave me a hug and wished me a good night. I did the same for him. I don’t know that I can explain it but something just feels different when I spend time with him and when he hugs me. I don’t know how to explain it, its not something I have felt before and yet it feels so very natural to me. Maybe I will understand as time goes by but for now, I will just go with it.
Until tomorrow…
LiveSTRONG!
My morning started as it usually does, I opened my eyes to Caleb and a big smile telling me I needed to get my butt in gear so we could go to breakfast. I lifted myself out of bed, stretching my stiff back and tried to make sense out of my surroundings. I have been having dreamless sleep since I got here. Not sure if it is just a side effect of my new surroundings or if it is something else.
Breakfast was the usual selection, you could have cold cereal, eggs and bacon or oatmeal. There was toast, juice and coffee too. The food is not what I am used too but it is not as bad as I initially expected it to be. The good news is that it is hot and good for me so what more could I ask for.
I had my choice of things to do during the day today so I opted to go to a full day class on healthy living and choices. I learned about why I should choose to avoid drugs, prostitution, petty theft, and other illegal things. I also learned that finding a stable home environment and learning to cook and fend for myself was paramount. I also learned that getting educated and finding meaningful work would be good for me. All in all, I took a lot away from that class. I wanted to spend the day with Caleb but he goes to a program for recovering addicts and it is not open to anyone else. I am really happy for him, he genuinely seems to want to turn his life around which I think is a great thing.
By dinner time I had met up with my buddy and he introduced me to some of his friends. T.J, Jewel, and Marcus. The 4 of them and I spent most of the evening playing cards and talking. We talked about each others situation, how we got to where we are now and what we are planning to do to get things back on track. They listened to my story about how I was once deaf and how I was now battling Cancer. The cool thing is that they do not pity me. They don’t judge either and I don’t judge them. Am I being scammed, played or whatever you wanna call it? I don’t know. Maybe. But I try to think that their friendship is genuine. They seem like really nice people who simply found themselves in bad situations. T.J’s mother is a prostitute who refuses to acknowledge he is alive. Jewel comes from a household of drunks who like to beat on her and Marcus is another recovering heroin addict.
I admire their strength and their willingness to accept that they need to take action and do something about their situations. I think it takes tremendous courage to step up and do something. They no longer want to be victims of their circumstances and I find that encouraging. It gives me the strength I need to fight the good fight.
By the end of the night I had 3 more friends and we were all laughing, and sharing. I like to think I brought some sense of normal to the table. I also like to think that I brought love and a genuine desire to help.
It was probably closer to midnight before Caleb and I went to bed. As is our new custom, he gave me a hug and wished me a good night. I did the same for him. I don’t know that I can explain it but something just feels different when I spend time with him and when he hugs me. I don’t know how to explain it, its not something I have felt before and yet it feels so very natural to me. Maybe I will understand as time goes by but for now, I will just go with it.
Until tomorrow…
LiveSTRONG!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Day 1 At The Shelter
Day 1 is quickly coming to a close. We have some evening programs that run in the evening apparently but the most of the day is now over. I will review what my day was like.
I arrived at the shelter last night and made my way to the admin desk. I was handed an intake form where I was asked a whole variety of questions around my situation ranging from drug use to criminal history. It was a laundry list of questions I have never been asked before.
Once I completed the form I was told I could stay for one week at which point I would need to move to another shelter. I said I would be fine with just the week. I was given a tour of the modest facility. There was a sleeping area, a ward of sorts, a minor medical room, admin offices, an entertainment room, washrooms with showers, and a dining hall. The decor was stark, almost clinical. There was little warmth to the place.
As I had missed dinner I was told I could relax in the rec lounge or find myself a bed and make it my own. I decided that I should find a bed. As I looked around the room that people sleep in, I noticed that many of the residents had already picked out a place to sleep. I settled into a bed close to the door and close to the corner thinking it would have me close to an exit and leaving no one behind me.
I made my way to the rec room from there. That is where I met him. His name is Caleb and he is 17 years old, he is about 5'10 and probably no more than 150 pounds soaking wet. His dirty blonde hair and grey eyes make him look meek and beaten down, there is a tremendous amount of pain and suffering in his soul. I can feel it. He is a very nice young bisexual who is recovering from a heroin addiction. His mother used to beat on him and his father figured he was best served as a sex toy to his sicko ideas...we hit it off immediately. Never in my life did I think that a former heroin addict and myself could find common ground but we did.
He talked about how he got here, that he was hoping to one day go back to school and make something of himself, that he had dreams just like any other kid and that he was going to do everything he could to make something of himself in spite of his parents. He had left home at 14, and was living on the streets for the most part and then bouncing between shelters. He talked about how the system is not designed to help people like him out. Then it happened, the one thing I was most worried about...he asked me what I was doing there. My heart jumped and I told him I could not and would not lie to him. I told him I was doing something I had put on my bucket list and so the story went.
He sat there in silence as I told him my story in 5 minutes or less. He just sat there, silent, listening, absorbing, and taking in what I had to say as though my situation was suddenly more important than his own. When I finished, he leaned over and hugged me. I could feel his ribs against my chest and I just shuddered, took a deep breath and tried to keep my composure. How could this young man be so attached to me in such a short time. When he let me go he said he would help me get used to things around here.
We made our way to the dining hall and we sat and had coffee. I think he was being friendly but in all honesty, I think he did it to be normal again, whatever normal is anyway. He had a friend, someone he could relate to and someone who was not there to judge him.
That night he set up shop beside my bed, hugged me again, and we crashed side by side.
By 8 AM the lights came on and whatever dream was washing through my brain quickly disappeared as I opened my eyes and looked at Caleb. With a big smile he looked at me and told me it was time to go get breakfast.
Breakfast is not much to look at, Oatmeal, juice, toast and a few other things to make sure you get a balanced morning. From breakfast you are expected to head to either work placement, schooling or some form, a treatment program or some other positive activity. Since I had nowhere to go I opted to spend the day in the shelter and take in a drug awareness class. Caleb was off to a day long program from recovering addicts and said he would see me for dinner.
I had no idea there were so many narcotics out there and with so many crazy names. All I know is, I dont do drugs and after todays class, I dont intend to either.
I spent the balance of the day outdoors, walking the downtown and just doing what someone who does not have a home would do.
I returned for Dinner, met up with Caleb and we sat and had a hearty beef stew, bread, and carrot cake for desert. We talked about what he did that day and I told him about my day. We continued chatting and getting closer. I am feeling a special bond with him...a feeling I have not felt before, and its nice.
So now here I am, sitting in the computer room where you can access the net though we are monitored to make sure we are not accessing anything illegal etc.
Tonight Caleb is going to introduce me to some of the other people he hangs with and we are going to spend the rest of the night as a group.
I think I found that special someone I was meant to get close to and help...at least I hope I did. Its funny, a heroin addict and a cancer kid meet in a homeless shelter. It sounds like the set-up to a really bad joke and yet the joke is, it feels like home.
Till Tomorrow!
LiveSTRONG!
I arrived at the shelter last night and made my way to the admin desk. I was handed an intake form where I was asked a whole variety of questions around my situation ranging from drug use to criminal history. It was a laundry list of questions I have never been asked before.
Once I completed the form I was told I could stay for one week at which point I would need to move to another shelter. I said I would be fine with just the week. I was given a tour of the modest facility. There was a sleeping area, a ward of sorts, a minor medical room, admin offices, an entertainment room, washrooms with showers, and a dining hall. The decor was stark, almost clinical. There was little warmth to the place.
As I had missed dinner I was told I could relax in the rec lounge or find myself a bed and make it my own. I decided that I should find a bed. As I looked around the room that people sleep in, I noticed that many of the residents had already picked out a place to sleep. I settled into a bed close to the door and close to the corner thinking it would have me close to an exit and leaving no one behind me.
I made my way to the rec room from there. That is where I met him. His name is Caleb and he is 17 years old, he is about 5'10 and probably no more than 150 pounds soaking wet. His dirty blonde hair and grey eyes make him look meek and beaten down, there is a tremendous amount of pain and suffering in his soul. I can feel it. He is a very nice young bisexual who is recovering from a heroin addiction. His mother used to beat on him and his father figured he was best served as a sex toy to his sicko ideas...we hit it off immediately. Never in my life did I think that a former heroin addict and myself could find common ground but we did.
He talked about how he got here, that he was hoping to one day go back to school and make something of himself, that he had dreams just like any other kid and that he was going to do everything he could to make something of himself in spite of his parents. He had left home at 14, and was living on the streets for the most part and then bouncing between shelters. He talked about how the system is not designed to help people like him out. Then it happened, the one thing I was most worried about...he asked me what I was doing there. My heart jumped and I told him I could not and would not lie to him. I told him I was doing something I had put on my bucket list and so the story went.
He sat there in silence as I told him my story in 5 minutes or less. He just sat there, silent, listening, absorbing, and taking in what I had to say as though my situation was suddenly more important than his own. When I finished, he leaned over and hugged me. I could feel his ribs against my chest and I just shuddered, took a deep breath and tried to keep my composure. How could this young man be so attached to me in such a short time. When he let me go he said he would help me get used to things around here.
We made our way to the dining hall and we sat and had coffee. I think he was being friendly but in all honesty, I think he did it to be normal again, whatever normal is anyway. He had a friend, someone he could relate to and someone who was not there to judge him.
That night he set up shop beside my bed, hugged me again, and we crashed side by side.
By 8 AM the lights came on and whatever dream was washing through my brain quickly disappeared as I opened my eyes and looked at Caleb. With a big smile he looked at me and told me it was time to go get breakfast.
Breakfast is not much to look at, Oatmeal, juice, toast and a few other things to make sure you get a balanced morning. From breakfast you are expected to head to either work placement, schooling or some form, a treatment program or some other positive activity. Since I had nowhere to go I opted to spend the day in the shelter and take in a drug awareness class. Caleb was off to a day long program from recovering addicts and said he would see me for dinner.
I had no idea there were so many narcotics out there and with so many crazy names. All I know is, I dont do drugs and after todays class, I dont intend to either.
I spent the balance of the day outdoors, walking the downtown and just doing what someone who does not have a home would do.
I returned for Dinner, met up with Caleb and we sat and had a hearty beef stew, bread, and carrot cake for desert. We talked about what he did that day and I told him about my day. We continued chatting and getting closer. I am feeling a special bond with him...a feeling I have not felt before, and its nice.
So now here I am, sitting in the computer room where you can access the net though we are monitored to make sure we are not accessing anything illegal etc.
Tonight Caleb is going to introduce me to some of the other people he hangs with and we are going to spend the rest of the night as a group.
I think I found that special someone I was meant to get close to and help...at least I hope I did. Its funny, a heroin addict and a cancer kid meet in a homeless shelter. It sounds like the set-up to a really bad joke and yet the joke is, it feels like home.
Till Tomorrow!
LiveSTRONG!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
A Week In The Life Of...
I have said it before and I put it on my bucket list. I am going to check into a youth shelter tonight and show love to those who need it the most.
I have no idea what I am going to find there. Not sure what I am searching for either. I am coming in to the system without anyone knowing anything about me. I am just going to show up and ask for a place to stay. Now dont worry, my rents think I am going to be staying at a friends place for the week and I think that is for the best. They would prolly freak out if they knew what I was planning.
The people who run the shelter dont know anything about me either. Like I said, I just plan to show up. To the best of my knowledge there is web access there so I am planning on posting daily update on what I experience. if I can't update daily, I will update as quickly as I can.
One thing is certain, I intend to listen, learn, and share. I want to show as many people in there as I can that there are people who care. I am going to try and make some friends and just be myself, genuine, honest, quirky and occasionally a little off balance, but myself.
I want to leave this world in a better way than I came into it and if I can touch just one homeless kid, just one abused girl, or just one kid than it was worth it.
I am rambling now because my nerves are kicking up. I am traveling light. Just a few clothes, and nothing else. I am going to live off what the system gives me.
See You Soon
LiveSTRONG!
I have no idea what I am going to find there. Not sure what I am searching for either. I am coming in to the system without anyone knowing anything about me. I am just going to show up and ask for a place to stay. Now dont worry, my rents think I am going to be staying at a friends place for the week and I think that is for the best. They would prolly freak out if they knew what I was planning.
The people who run the shelter dont know anything about me either. Like I said, I just plan to show up. To the best of my knowledge there is web access there so I am planning on posting daily update on what I experience. if I can't update daily, I will update as quickly as I can.
One thing is certain, I intend to listen, learn, and share. I want to show as many people in there as I can that there are people who care. I am going to try and make some friends and just be myself, genuine, honest, quirky and occasionally a little off balance, but myself.
I want to leave this world in a better way than I came into it and if I can touch just one homeless kid, just one abused girl, or just one kid than it was worth it.
I am rambling now because my nerves are kicking up. I am traveling light. Just a few clothes, and nothing else. I am going to live off what the system gives me.
See You Soon
LiveSTRONG!
Friday, March 14, 2008
I've Been Tagged
Well I have never been tagged before and had to do some reading to find out what this meant for me. Apparently The Worm got me and so I need to make sure I return the favour. So here you go sir...
Accordingly I am to post the rules...please allow me to rip off another posting format as I go about doing my due dilligence
1) Link To The Person That Tagged You
Done!
2) Post The Rules On The Blog
Read Along...I am doing just that
3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
A) I absolutely refuse to drink the last few drops of the milk. I call it milk waste and cant bring myself to be the one who gets the last of the milk from the bag. I find it gross, and usually find creative ways to pawn it off on some poor unsuspecting family member
B) I am Arachnophobic which is to say that I have a deathly fear of spiders. I dont know why I am so afraid of them but I am. I cant stand them in the slightest and can barely bring myself to get close enough to kill them. Whenever I see one it usually results in me freaking out and waving my hands violently to get someone else to kill it. Now that I can speak, I find that loud screaming is far more effective then waving my hands
C) I am a boxers, not briefs guy. The argument continues to rage as to whether boxers or briefs make more sense. I dont really care what makes more sense, when your my age, and you cant control the little...er, well maybe not little...things that happen, you need to make sure that there is room to hide those things. My mom used to buy me briefs until I got old enough to go and get my own stuff at which point I switched to my beloved boxers...and NO, I will NOT wear spiderman/batman/super hero underwear for anyone no matter how much you pay me.
D) My all time favourite movie of all time is, "A Few Good Men". There is nothing better than the exchange between Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson. Those two have a screen chemistry that electrifies me. Nothing could be better than watching that movie on a rainy weekend.
E) I have big feet...size 12 to be exact and for anyone who says that stupid saying, "You know what they say about guys with big feet", tell them I said its total crap. The only thing guys with big feet have is a big pair of shoes! At least, thats what I think anyway having no scientific proof to back it up.
F) I have a sixth sense. It is true...now I dont see dead people but I do have the ability to tell when someone is trying to sneak up on me. I think it came about when I lost my hearing. Given that I could not hear someone sneaking up on me, I think my body compensated by giving me a sixth sense of sorts. Its creepy sometimes but I love it.
4) Tag Six Random People And Link To Their Blogs
Ok so here you go...six random blogs
Erics Planes
Scary's West
The Chutney Garden
Kinetic World
People Reading
Weighty Matters
5) Tag All The Above with a link back to this blog
DONE!
Accordingly I am to post the rules...please allow me to rip off another posting format as I go about doing my due dilligence
1) Link To The Person That Tagged You
Done!
2) Post The Rules On The Blog
Read Along...I am doing just that
3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
A) I absolutely refuse to drink the last few drops of the milk. I call it milk waste and cant bring myself to be the one who gets the last of the milk from the bag. I find it gross, and usually find creative ways to pawn it off on some poor unsuspecting family member
B) I am Arachnophobic which is to say that I have a deathly fear of spiders. I dont know why I am so afraid of them but I am. I cant stand them in the slightest and can barely bring myself to get close enough to kill them. Whenever I see one it usually results in me freaking out and waving my hands violently to get someone else to kill it. Now that I can speak, I find that loud screaming is far more effective then waving my hands
C) I am a boxers, not briefs guy. The argument continues to rage as to whether boxers or briefs make more sense. I dont really care what makes more sense, when your my age, and you cant control the little...er, well maybe not little...things that happen, you need to make sure that there is room to hide those things. My mom used to buy me briefs until I got old enough to go and get my own stuff at which point I switched to my beloved boxers...and NO, I will NOT wear spiderman/batman/super hero underwear for anyone no matter how much you pay me.
D) My all time favourite movie of all time is, "A Few Good Men". There is nothing better than the exchange between Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson. Those two have a screen chemistry that electrifies me. Nothing could be better than watching that movie on a rainy weekend.
E) I have big feet...size 12 to be exact and for anyone who says that stupid saying, "You know what they say about guys with big feet", tell them I said its total crap. The only thing guys with big feet have is a big pair of shoes! At least, thats what I think anyway having no scientific proof to back it up.
F) I have a sixth sense. It is true...now I dont see dead people but I do have the ability to tell when someone is trying to sneak up on me. I think it came about when I lost my hearing. Given that I could not hear someone sneaking up on me, I think my body compensated by giving me a sixth sense of sorts. Its creepy sometimes but I love it.
4) Tag Six Random People And Link To Their Blogs
Ok so here you go...six random blogs
Erics Planes
Scary's West
The Chutney Garden
Kinetic World
People Reading
Weighty Matters
5) Tag All The Above with a link back to this blog
DONE!
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Scattered Thoughts
I know it has been a long time since my last post. I am not sure if everyone is still following along or not, I hope you all are. I write this stuff for all of you though some would argue that it is therapy for me.
I have been a little bit of a mess the last little while. My tests show that the tumor is continuing its growth and seems to be very much alive and well. That is not good news for me because it means that I am getting that much closer to leaving all of you. They gave me a 2 year window and by all accounts, they are bang on with the timing so far. I should be freaking out and sad and yet I cant really say I feel anything at this point. I like to say that it is because I am at peace with what is coming but I am starting to get frustrated. I see all the cool things around me, all the cool sounds, the cool new THINGS and I can not believe that I may not get to take it all in like I wanted too. A good friend said it best when he said, “Its not that life is too short, its just that your dead for so long”. I think he is quite right. We are all dead for way too long if you ask me HA-HA!
It also seems my bucket list has caused a few stirs. I don’t know why people just assume that I have slept with someone before. I guess it should be considered a compliment really but I don’t know. I mean, not all guys are hot to jump in bed with anything that moves LOL. I sincerely want to wait for the right person. I am not talking about the mood having to be perfect and the stars perfectly aligned or anything crazy like that. I am talking about the person being right for me, and me feeling like that person is the one. That person has to be willing to accept that this is totally new to me, that I will in all likelihood be completely freaked out and nervous as all heck. If I can find that person I will be doing fine. Until then though I am going to have to continue the course of cold showers and prayers LOL. One thing I will say is that I do NOT intend to die a virgin. I will be damned if I am going to have that on my headstone. So in the interim if you know someone who fits what I am looking for……..Just kidding.
On a more positive note, my speech is getting better. I am still having trouble with the letter C and the letter S but it is coming along. Also, I have been able to slow my over annunciation of certain letters so that I look less like someone who is trying to speak in slow motion HA-HA! If you thought learning to walk was hard as a kid, try learning to speak at my age Tee hee hee.
Alright so here it is, I don’t know what you all want to read, what you want to hear about so I am opening the floor up. What would you like me to talk about? What do you want to know? There is so much I could tell you but I wanna know what interests you.
LiveSTRONG!
I have been a little bit of a mess the last little while. My tests show that the tumor is continuing its growth and seems to be very much alive and well. That is not good news for me because it means that I am getting that much closer to leaving all of you. They gave me a 2 year window and by all accounts, they are bang on with the timing so far. I should be freaking out and sad and yet I cant really say I feel anything at this point. I like to say that it is because I am at peace with what is coming but I am starting to get frustrated. I see all the cool things around me, all the cool sounds, the cool new THINGS and I can not believe that I may not get to take it all in like I wanted too. A good friend said it best when he said, “Its not that life is too short, its just that your dead for so long”. I think he is quite right. We are all dead for way too long if you ask me HA-HA!
It also seems my bucket list has caused a few stirs. I don’t know why people just assume that I have slept with someone before. I guess it should be considered a compliment really but I don’t know. I mean, not all guys are hot to jump in bed with anything that moves LOL. I sincerely want to wait for the right person. I am not talking about the mood having to be perfect and the stars perfectly aligned or anything crazy like that. I am talking about the person being right for me, and me feeling like that person is the one. That person has to be willing to accept that this is totally new to me, that I will in all likelihood be completely freaked out and nervous as all heck. If I can find that person I will be doing fine. Until then though I am going to have to continue the course of cold showers and prayers LOL. One thing I will say is that I do NOT intend to die a virgin. I will be damned if I am going to have that on my headstone. So in the interim if you know someone who fits what I am looking for……..Just kidding.
On a more positive note, my speech is getting better. I am still having trouble with the letter C and the letter S but it is coming along. Also, I have been able to slow my over annunciation of certain letters so that I look less like someone who is trying to speak in slow motion HA-HA! If you thought learning to walk was hard as a kid, try learning to speak at my age Tee hee hee.
Alright so here it is, I don’t know what you all want to read, what you want to hear about so I am opening the floor up. What would you like me to talk about? What do you want to know? There is so much I could tell you but I wanna know what interests you.
LiveSTRONG!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
