Hey Babe, I know your looking down on all of us from Heaven so I thought I would post this one just for you.
If there is one thing I know for certain babe, Cancer broke your body but it didn't break your spirit
This video is for you!
Missing you always,
Caleb
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Derry Newbury -- 1988 - 2009 R.I.P
This is the last entry into this blog. I want it to be the final memorial page for Derry.
If you dont know, Derry passed away 2 days ago after a return fight with his brain cancer. He fought really really hard but he could not beat it this time.
I miss him so much and its killin me that hes not here no more. I dont really know what to say here so I am just gonna leave it to you guys to put up whatever comments you want and I am gonna share some stuff in the comments part as well bout the stuff we did and the fun stuff and the good times and the bad times and all that stuff.
I know Derry always used music to share things and talk bout stuff using songs and stuff to get his message out so I think this part is right. Near the end Derry played a song for me that he said was like the most important thing he wanted to tell me and everyone else so yeah, here you go. I am puttin up the words and I am postin the video here too. For real people, this song makes me cry so much every time I hear it cuz its so true and it meant so much to him.
If you wanna share somethin go ahead in the comments cuz this is now the Derry Newbury Memorial Page
If Today Was Your Last Day -- Nickelback
My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride
If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?
Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life
If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?
And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?
If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side
If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?
And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?
If you dont know, Derry passed away 2 days ago after a return fight with his brain cancer. He fought really really hard but he could not beat it this time.
I miss him so much and its killin me that hes not here no more. I dont really know what to say here so I am just gonna leave it to you guys to put up whatever comments you want and I am gonna share some stuff in the comments part as well bout the stuff we did and the fun stuff and the good times and the bad times and all that stuff.
I know Derry always used music to share things and talk bout stuff using songs and stuff to get his message out so I think this part is right. Near the end Derry played a song for me that he said was like the most important thing he wanted to tell me and everyone else so yeah, here you go. I am puttin up the words and I am postin the video here too. For real people, this song makes me cry so much every time I hear it cuz its so true and it meant so much to him.
If you wanna share somethin go ahead in the comments cuz this is now the Derry Newbury Memorial Page
If Today Was Your Last Day -- Nickelback
My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride
If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?
Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life
If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?
And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?
If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side
If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?
And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?
Monday, August 24, 2009
A Special Message From My Hero...Lance Armstrong!
Three days: 10,000 signatures
Dear Friends,
Three days to add 10,000 signatures, will you add your name?
Sign the Declaration
Last month when I started the Tour de France, I asked you to join me in signing the World Cancer Declaration. The response has been staggering —more than 100,000 of us have added our names to this urgent global push to fight cancer.
In three days, the LIVESTRONG Global Cancer Summit here in Dublin will come to a close. It’s an incredibly rare opportunity to urge some of the most powerful people in the world to commit the time, energy and resources needed to make a world without cancer a reality. And we can do just that if we add 10,000 more signatures to the Declaration before the Summit ends on Wednesday.
Will you sign the Declaration and then ask your friends and family to help us add 10,000 commitments by Wednesday night? It only takes a moment and every name counts:
Sign Up Here
Cancer affects all of us. By 2010, cancer is projected to become the leading cause of death worldwide, yet the fight against cancer lacks urgency and focus. That is why we must take matters into our own hands and force cancer onto the global agenda.
The LIVESTRONG Global Cancer Summit in Dublin will do just that by bringing governments, communities and survivors from all over the world together pushing for new commitments to stem the growing impact of cancer around the globe. Closing this commitment gap is a critical step towards a world without cancer.
We have just three more days to make the World Cancer Declaration as powerful as possible. Every additional name we add will lend weight to our cause; every single new voice adds urgency to our fight. I know we can reach our goal if each and every one of us signs the Declaration and asks someone close to us to add their name too.
Will you sign the Declaration and also ask a friend or family member to join us before Wednesday night? It only takes a moment and will make a big difference:
Sign Here
LIVESTRONG,
Lance and the LIVESTRONG Action Team
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Trick or Tweet
I dont Tweet, and I barely facebook and for that I am considered a social outcast.
I just dont see the need for me to broadcast what I am doing every minute of the day...I also don't see the need to do it on Facebook. Now, I do use facebook from time to time but I dont use it to the same extent that some people do. I guess I dont see or feel the need to comment on how I am feeling, what I am doing, what I am thinking, every couple of hours. Now, that being said, I DO blog, obviously. For me though, the difference is, blogging is something I do every couple of days and I usually pick a topic and expand on it. I dont blog every hour or so just to tell you that I am at a club in Toronto having a beer and hanging out with Caleb. Seriously, do you really need that sort of detail from me? would it really matter? is it going to somehow change your plans? No, I didn't think so.
Okay so I am off my soapbox and given that there are so many people out there who Tweet, I thought I would search out an article or two on the nuances of the Tweet. In all my searching, and yes, I dare you to type "Tweet" or "Twitter" into a google search box and see how many hits YOU get. So seeing as I likely have more time on my hands than the average person, and that may be a stretch given the number of Tweets and Facebooker comments that stream through, here are some interesting facts about Tweeting.
First off, to no surprise, a study has shown that approximately 40% of all tweets that get sent, are actually nothing more than useless babble. Does that really surprise? Not me, even though I am sure I need to know which dress Amy from San Jose chose to wear this morning LOL
A paltry 3.6% of all tweets were actually news, and that study eliminated any Tweets about Michael Jackson so as not to taint the study. 3.6%...are you serious? So as we can see, 96.4% of the time, the tweets being sent are really not all that useful to the majority of the public.
5.85% of all tweets were self promotion. Again, does that surprise anyone? I am more surprised that this number was not higher. Self promotion is all the rage with sites like Facebook, Myspace and Twitter. Its not that self promotion is bad...far from it, but again, I think it has a limited audience.
Lastly, 37.5% of all tweets were just conversational...meaning they had no news value or any self promotion. They were simply a conversational point and could either be taken or left as is. Conversational as in what I do in this blog, as in just making a statement about something or responding to some other tweet.
Now, for all you professional tweeters out there, allow me to share with you some useful information from the study...when I say useful I mean, here is what you need to do to help your tweet get noticed or re-tweeted.
The best time to tweet is on a Monday or at 11:30 AM Central time. Mondays are the start of the week and most people are reading and preparing for the week. You have a strong likelihood of having your tweet re-tweeted if you post at that time or on Monday.
If you are looking for News Tweets, you might want to post on Tuesday or around 2PM. It is on that day and time that most news related tweets hit the interwave
If you are posting a conversational tweet, do so on Tuesday or between 2-4PM. By this day and/or time, most people are caught up on work or whatever they had planned and now find themselves in a position to get involved in conversational tweeting etc.
So there you have it, the ins and outs of twitter...I still dont do it, and I dont see that changing, but for those of you who do...I hope this blog helped you out a little.
For the time being, I am going to stick to good old fashioned blogging...it may seem and feel like I am traveling in the slow lane, but from this vantage point, I can be a casual observer, and I like that role a whole lot more!
LiveSTRONG!
I just dont see the need for me to broadcast what I am doing every minute of the day...I also don't see the need to do it on Facebook. Now, I do use facebook from time to time but I dont use it to the same extent that some people do. I guess I dont see or feel the need to comment on how I am feeling, what I am doing, what I am thinking, every couple of hours. Now, that being said, I DO blog, obviously. For me though, the difference is, blogging is something I do every couple of days and I usually pick a topic and expand on it. I dont blog every hour or so just to tell you that I am at a club in Toronto having a beer and hanging out with Caleb. Seriously, do you really need that sort of detail from me? would it really matter? is it going to somehow change your plans? No, I didn't think so.
Okay so I am off my soapbox and given that there are so many people out there who Tweet, I thought I would search out an article or two on the nuances of the Tweet. In all my searching, and yes, I dare you to type "Tweet" or "Twitter" into a google search box and see how many hits YOU get. So seeing as I likely have more time on my hands than the average person, and that may be a stretch given the number of Tweets and Facebooker comments that stream through, here are some interesting facts about Tweeting.
First off, to no surprise, a study has shown that approximately 40% of all tweets that get sent, are actually nothing more than useless babble. Does that really surprise? Not me, even though I am sure I need to know which dress Amy from San Jose chose to wear this morning LOL
A paltry 3.6% of all tweets were actually news, and that study eliminated any Tweets about Michael Jackson so as not to taint the study. 3.6%...are you serious? So as we can see, 96.4% of the time, the tweets being sent are really not all that useful to the majority of the public.
5.85% of all tweets were self promotion. Again, does that surprise anyone? I am more surprised that this number was not higher. Self promotion is all the rage with sites like Facebook, Myspace and Twitter. Its not that self promotion is bad...far from it, but again, I think it has a limited audience.
Lastly, 37.5% of all tweets were just conversational...meaning they had no news value or any self promotion. They were simply a conversational point and could either be taken or left as is. Conversational as in what I do in this blog, as in just making a statement about something or responding to some other tweet.
Now, for all you professional tweeters out there, allow me to share with you some useful information from the study...when I say useful I mean, here is what you need to do to help your tweet get noticed or re-tweeted.
The best time to tweet is on a Monday or at 11:30 AM Central time. Mondays are the start of the week and most people are reading and preparing for the week. You have a strong likelihood of having your tweet re-tweeted if you post at that time or on Monday.
If you are looking for News Tweets, you might want to post on Tuesday or around 2PM. It is on that day and time that most news related tweets hit the interwave
If you are posting a conversational tweet, do so on Tuesday or between 2-4PM. By this day and/or time, most people are caught up on work or whatever they had planned and now find themselves in a position to get involved in conversational tweeting etc.
So there you have it, the ins and outs of twitter...I still dont do it, and I dont see that changing, but for those of you who do...I hope this blog helped you out a little.
For the time being, I am going to stick to good old fashioned blogging...it may seem and feel like I am traveling in the slow lane, but from this vantage point, I can be a casual observer, and I like that role a whole lot more!
LiveSTRONG!
Friday, August 14, 2009
This Weeks Sign The Apocalypse Is Upon Us (1)
So I have decided that with this blog, I am going to run a weekly feature. It will be something fun and entertaining so you all have something to look forward too. As you can tell by the title, this will be an ongoing weekly event. With this feature, I will seek out the wildest and most unusual things I can off the internet or the world at large to share with all of you.
So on that note, lets start with this weeks feature!
Today I bring to your attention the brew ha ha that is being made over the Harry Potter Nimbus 2000 broom. Oh yes, it appears that poor old Harry is not just wagging his best parts in front of the general public and causing a stir, now the toy broom based on the one in the movie has been flying off the shelves, but for all the wrong reasons. Let me explain...
It appears that the Nimbus 2000 broom toy not only looks realistic, it also, ahem, vibrates. Yes boys and girls and more girls, the lovely Nimbus 2000 is a hit with the young female segment. It appears that younger girls are lining up to buy this toy, not because it makes them feel like Harry Potter, but more because it makes them squeal like banshees when they fire it up and ride it like Harry Potter would. Apparently the manufacturer had no idea that this was going to happen....yeah right! Give a pre-teen, teen hormonal girl a long stick that vibrates and ENCOURAGE them to place it between their legs and oh yeah, there was no chance that there was going to be an issue.
Parents began writing in that their girls were locking themselves up in their rooms with other girls to the sounds of squeals of excitement...little did the parents know that it was not boyfriends and gossip, but instead the Naughty Nimbus 2000 as I now affectionately call it.
Oh yes, why go out and buy an expensive vibrator when you can not only have the fun of acting like Harry Potter, but you can squeal and squirm like a dog in heat whilst doing it.
So what has happened...the manufcaturer has recalled the offending toy and has appoligized for its mistake. Meanwhile, many of the brooms are still in the marketplace but perhaps are now locked up tighter than the chastity belt that the users were wearing.
The Naughty Nimbus 2000 Vibrating broom is this weeks sign that the appocalypse is upon us
LiveSTRONG!
So on that note, lets start with this weeks feature!
Today I bring to your attention the brew ha ha that is being made over the Harry Potter Nimbus 2000 broom. Oh yes, it appears that poor old Harry is not just wagging his best parts in front of the general public and causing a stir, now the toy broom based on the one in the movie has been flying off the shelves, but for all the wrong reasons. Let me explain...
It appears that the Nimbus 2000 broom toy not only looks realistic, it also, ahem, vibrates. Yes boys and girls and more girls, the lovely Nimbus 2000 is a hit with the young female segment. It appears that younger girls are lining up to buy this toy, not because it makes them feel like Harry Potter, but more because it makes them squeal like banshees when they fire it up and ride it like Harry Potter would. Apparently the manufacturer had no idea that this was going to happen....yeah right! Give a pre-teen, teen hormonal girl a long stick that vibrates and ENCOURAGE them to place it between their legs and oh yeah, there was no chance that there was going to be an issue.
Parents began writing in that their girls were locking themselves up in their rooms with other girls to the sounds of squeals of excitement...little did the parents know that it was not boyfriends and gossip, but instead the Naughty Nimbus 2000 as I now affectionately call it.
Oh yes, why go out and buy an expensive vibrator when you can not only have the fun of acting like Harry Potter, but you can squeal and squirm like a dog in heat whilst doing it.
So what has happened...the manufcaturer has recalled the offending toy and has appoligized for its mistake. Meanwhile, many of the brooms are still in the marketplace but perhaps are now locked up tighter than the chastity belt that the users were wearing.
The Naughty Nimbus 2000 Vibrating broom is this weeks sign that the appocalypse is upon us
LiveSTRONG!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I Am Who I Am
The right to be who I am is something I feel is very important. I have spent the entirety of my relatively short life being true to myself and what I believe in at any cost. It never ceases to amaze me, how people morph themselves into people they really aren't in an effort to become viewed as more popular, interesting, or socially acceptable. I don't get it. At the end of the day, when the curtain drops, the lights go down and you move on to whatever afterlife, if any, you subscribe to, you will be remembered for what and who you are. Would you rather be remembered as someone you really weren't or would you prefer that people remember you as the person who was true to themselves. Let me expand on this a bit.
Over the course of my years on this planet, I have been seen as mute, and then as a speaking person. I have been seen as both very physically ill and vibrant. I have been seen as both a lover of women and heterosexual and a lover of men and homosexual. I have been seen as both weak and strong, smart and dumb, simple and complicated. I have been seen as many things, but which of these is me? Which of them is you? How do you decide or how do you know which is the real you? What a conflicting existence we all live in.
Through everything that has happened, I have always held on to certain core values...things that at the deepest levels of who I am, remain unchanged. If you have spent any time talking to me then you have come to know some of those things. Those of you who really know me either personally or through my cyberconnection to you, know I am honest to a fault...I call it like it is even if it might pain you to hear it. You know I have a very unusual sense of humour and that I often laugh at things that many people could not see the humour in. You would know that I am brutally open about who I am even when it means that you could pull me apart for being honest about myself. You would also know that I have a deep and unbending need to help other people and be seen as useful.
I could go on and on and you would likely learn a little more about me but the simple fact is, I do all of the above without compromise, shame or remorse. There are many things I will never understand in life, many mysteries in the world I will never ever understand or comprehend, but who I am is not one of them. People sometimes ask me how I can be so open with perfect strangers and the truth is, I don't have the answer. I only know how to be who I am. I don't have to think about it, I just do it. Some people ask me how I can open myself up to criticism with the sometimes ridiculous things that come out of my mouth or get typed by these fingers, and again, I simply don't know because its all I know.
If you have been following this blog then you know already that I am a pretty open person and I don't make any excuses about that. Now, the question I ask you is, are YOU true to YOURSELF? do you know who and what you are at the most basic level? do you be yourself with other people or do you work on being someone else?
Take it from me people, this life can be short, and the unexpected lurks around every corner. Do you want to waste all your time and energy working on being someone else? Or would you rather spend that same time and energy being who you are with all the energy and zest you can muster?
Actors get paid big money to be someone they are not...so if your not being paid to be someone else, why not just be yourself!
On that note I will leave you to it...go out and be you...whatever that YOU is!
LiveSTRONG!
Over the course of my years on this planet, I have been seen as mute, and then as a speaking person. I have been seen as both very physically ill and vibrant. I have been seen as both a lover of women and heterosexual and a lover of men and homosexual. I have been seen as both weak and strong, smart and dumb, simple and complicated. I have been seen as many things, but which of these is me? Which of them is you? How do you decide or how do you know which is the real you? What a conflicting existence we all live in.
Through everything that has happened, I have always held on to certain core values...things that at the deepest levels of who I am, remain unchanged. If you have spent any time talking to me then you have come to know some of those things. Those of you who really know me either personally or through my cyberconnection to you, know I am honest to a fault...I call it like it is even if it might pain you to hear it. You know I have a very unusual sense of humour and that I often laugh at things that many people could not see the humour in. You would know that I am brutally open about who I am even when it means that you could pull me apart for being honest about myself. You would also know that I have a deep and unbending need to help other people and be seen as useful.
I could go on and on and you would likely learn a little more about me but the simple fact is, I do all of the above without compromise, shame or remorse. There are many things I will never understand in life, many mysteries in the world I will never ever understand or comprehend, but who I am is not one of them. People sometimes ask me how I can be so open with perfect strangers and the truth is, I don't have the answer. I only know how to be who I am. I don't have to think about it, I just do it. Some people ask me how I can open myself up to criticism with the sometimes ridiculous things that come out of my mouth or get typed by these fingers, and again, I simply don't know because its all I know.
If you have been following this blog then you know already that I am a pretty open person and I don't make any excuses about that. Now, the question I ask you is, are YOU true to YOURSELF? do you know who and what you are at the most basic level? do you be yourself with other people or do you work on being someone else?
Take it from me people, this life can be short, and the unexpected lurks around every corner. Do you want to waste all your time and energy working on being someone else? Or would you rather spend that same time and energy being who you are with all the energy and zest you can muster?
Actors get paid big money to be someone they are not...so if your not being paid to be someone else, why not just be yourself!
On that note I will leave you to it...go out and be you...whatever that YOU is!
LiveSTRONG!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Those Songs That Make You....
Stop in your tracks or in the middle of whatever thought was going through your head. You know the songs I am talking about. Your wedding song, the song on the radio when you first made out with your partner in the car, the song that played when you first had sex...or the song that was in your head anyway HAHA.
We all have those songs that mean something. Maybe you think about a certain someone when you hear it on the radio. Maybe you stop and think that song is speaking to you, to your life, to your very soul and you can't help but stop and catch your breath. Until I was able to hear, I never truly understood how powerful a song could be. I want to take this a step further though. Is it the song or the singer? Is it the lyrics or the manner in which they are delivered? does it matter? For me personally, its the lyrics and then the manner in which they are delivered. For example, I have heard three different versions of Elton John's, "Levon". I have heard Taylor Hicks sing it, Bon Jovi Sing it, and Elton sing it. For me, Elton delivers it the best. Is it because it is the original? maybe but not quite. I think there is a little something extra that you feel in Elton's voice. This is just one example though. I guess it begs the question, can a cover be as good or better than the original? More on that in a minute.
Throughout my blog, I have spoken many times about the power of music. I have shared songs that mean something to me or to my relationship with Caleb. For me, it was more the lyrics than the singer, but truth be told, there are some songs that simply sound better when they are sung by a certain person. Now, is that because the artist themselves are better or is it that they made better use of artistic impression. An example of this would be "Praying For Time" by George Michael. In my humble and limited opinion, his Unplugged version is FAR AND AWAY better than the original...and yet its the same artist. Carrie Underwood covered the song using the same slowed down, ballady approach and I think she is almost as good as the original. Maybe not quite better than, but definitely near as good as. Interestingly, had I never heard the George Michael unplugged version, I would have said that Carrie was far and away the better version. So again, is it the song, the singer or the way the singer delivers that makes the difference?
All good questions and ones I wont be able to answer in one entry, if I can answer them at all. What I will do though is leave it to you to tell me what you think. Is it the song? the singer? or the artistic impression that makes you stop and make a song special for you? what songs are close to your heart? share them with me in the comments section...its how I find new music to listen to and enjoy.
On that note, I will leave you with a song that really hit me. It made me think of Caleb and his experiences when I heard it. Its definitely an emotional song if you make the connection. Even if you don't, its still very powerful in its own right. Interestingly, it is a cover of the original and yet I personally feel the cover is better. Don't get me wrong, the original is good but the cover is more contemporary and it feels as if the dust was blown off the song and it was given a new lease on life.
Okay, enough talking, I give you, Kris Allen of American Idol fame and the cover of "Falling Slowly"
LiveSTRONG!
We all have those songs that mean something. Maybe you think about a certain someone when you hear it on the radio. Maybe you stop and think that song is speaking to you, to your life, to your very soul and you can't help but stop and catch your breath. Until I was able to hear, I never truly understood how powerful a song could be. I want to take this a step further though. Is it the song or the singer? Is it the lyrics or the manner in which they are delivered? does it matter? For me personally, its the lyrics and then the manner in which they are delivered. For example, I have heard three different versions of Elton John's, "Levon". I have heard Taylor Hicks sing it, Bon Jovi Sing it, and Elton sing it. For me, Elton delivers it the best. Is it because it is the original? maybe but not quite. I think there is a little something extra that you feel in Elton's voice. This is just one example though. I guess it begs the question, can a cover be as good or better than the original? More on that in a minute.
Throughout my blog, I have spoken many times about the power of music. I have shared songs that mean something to me or to my relationship with Caleb. For me, it was more the lyrics than the singer, but truth be told, there are some songs that simply sound better when they are sung by a certain person. Now, is that because the artist themselves are better or is it that they made better use of artistic impression. An example of this would be "Praying For Time" by George Michael. In my humble and limited opinion, his Unplugged version is FAR AND AWAY better than the original...and yet its the same artist. Carrie Underwood covered the song using the same slowed down, ballady approach and I think she is almost as good as the original. Maybe not quite better than, but definitely near as good as. Interestingly, had I never heard the George Michael unplugged version, I would have said that Carrie was far and away the better version. So again, is it the song, the singer or the way the singer delivers that makes the difference?
All good questions and ones I wont be able to answer in one entry, if I can answer them at all. What I will do though is leave it to you to tell me what you think. Is it the song? the singer? or the artistic impression that makes you stop and make a song special for you? what songs are close to your heart? share them with me in the comments section...its how I find new music to listen to and enjoy.
On that note, I will leave you with a song that really hit me. It made me think of Caleb and his experiences when I heard it. Its definitely an emotional song if you make the connection. Even if you don't, its still very powerful in its own right. Interestingly, it is a cover of the original and yet I personally feel the cover is better. Don't get me wrong, the original is good but the cover is more contemporary and it feels as if the dust was blown off the song and it was given a new lease on life.
Okay, enough talking, I give you, Kris Allen of American Idol fame and the cover of "Falling Slowly"
LiveSTRONG!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Take It From The Top
I am thinking the first thing I should do is let you all know what has been happening for the last almost year now. I wont attempt to cover it all in one post, that would be insane, but I will spend the next few posts going over a few things here and there and fill you in the best I can.
For now, I think we will take a high level view of the last little while. I suppose the burning question people are probably wondering is, am I still with Caleb? Well, the truth is YES I AM!!! Caleb and I are still going strong, and in fact I think I am more in love with him now than I was before, if thats even remotely possible. He and I have really deepened our connection with each other and there is even talk that perhaps one day we will marry each other. First things first though, he needs to complete school and so do I. Oh yeah, thats right, you didn't know...Caleb is back in school. He is making his way through the education system and he is doing quite well. The first little bit was rough, trying to adjust to being in school but he settled in nice and even joined the football team. More about that in a future post. As for me, I wrapped up my first year of my Bachelor of Health Science program and survived my Frosh year at Uni. I am taking a B. HSc in preparation for med school. The program I am in now runs 3 or 4 years depending on if you go honours and then from there you can move into a variety of grad programs. My heart is set on medicine though. I want to become a pediatrician for deaf children...and regular kids, but definitely deaf kids. I think it is something that is needed and I know I can serve that area really well HAHA. Caleb wants me to become a surgeon, but I dont think I have the stomach for it. He thinks that surgeons are much cooler but I disagree, I think they are just much snobbier LOL
So aside from school, Caleb continues to work Part time at Tim's slinging coffee. He has done really well saving money, and is clean and still attending his meetings. He does not even think about drug use anymore...he tells me he has moved past that phase of his life and I believe him.
When neither of us is in school and he is not working, you can usually find us in Toronto doing the club scene. We usually spend most of the night at some sleek little gay bar somewhere, chatting with friends, laughing, drinking, and politely declining those who have had way to much to drink and think that either of us want to spend the night with them LOL. Don't get me wrong, I am not a snob, I love Caleb and although I know we are both young and relatively good looking, that does not mean we want to go whoring LOL. WOW that sounded really rude but its true...the culture in the community can be very superficial at times...a world where age and looks are everything. The younger you look the better you look the more likely you are to get hit on HAHA.
Anyway, aside from that, we also continue to do the things we always do...go for coffee...go walking...rough house in the house when the parental unit is away which usually leads to...well you know where that leads to LOL
So there is your high level view...there is of course much more going on than that, but I will get into that later. I just wanted to make sure everyone knew that all is well and things are coming along nicely.
Until later,
LiveSTRONG!
For now, I think we will take a high level view of the last little while. I suppose the burning question people are probably wondering is, am I still with Caleb? Well, the truth is YES I AM!!! Caleb and I are still going strong, and in fact I think I am more in love with him now than I was before, if thats even remotely possible. He and I have really deepened our connection with each other and there is even talk that perhaps one day we will marry each other. First things first though, he needs to complete school and so do I. Oh yeah, thats right, you didn't know...Caleb is back in school. He is making his way through the education system and he is doing quite well. The first little bit was rough, trying to adjust to being in school but he settled in nice and even joined the football team. More about that in a future post. As for me, I wrapped up my first year of my Bachelor of Health Science program and survived my Frosh year at Uni. I am taking a B. HSc in preparation for med school. The program I am in now runs 3 or 4 years depending on if you go honours and then from there you can move into a variety of grad programs. My heart is set on medicine though. I want to become a pediatrician for deaf children...and regular kids, but definitely deaf kids. I think it is something that is needed and I know I can serve that area really well HAHA. Caleb wants me to become a surgeon, but I dont think I have the stomach for it. He thinks that surgeons are much cooler but I disagree, I think they are just much snobbier LOL
So aside from school, Caleb continues to work Part time at Tim's slinging coffee. He has done really well saving money, and is clean and still attending his meetings. He does not even think about drug use anymore...he tells me he has moved past that phase of his life and I believe him.
When neither of us is in school and he is not working, you can usually find us in Toronto doing the club scene. We usually spend most of the night at some sleek little gay bar somewhere, chatting with friends, laughing, drinking, and politely declining those who have had way to much to drink and think that either of us want to spend the night with them LOL. Don't get me wrong, I am not a snob, I love Caleb and although I know we are both young and relatively good looking, that does not mean we want to go whoring LOL. WOW that sounded really rude but its true...the culture in the community can be very superficial at times...a world where age and looks are everything. The younger you look the better you look the more likely you are to get hit on HAHA.
Anyway, aside from that, we also continue to do the things we always do...go for coffee...go walking...rough house in the house when the parental unit is away which usually leads to...well you know where that leads to LOL
So there is your high level view...there is of course much more going on than that, but I will get into that later. I just wanted to make sure everyone knew that all is well and things are coming along nicely.
Until later,
LiveSTRONG!
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Welcome Home My Old Friend
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Indeed its true. I have not been here to blog in a long time now. It was more a product of my own business that I walked away from this adventure only to find myself missing something. It is because I understand the value of this blog and the feedback I get from those who read it that I am returning. This is an important place for me. If you have ever moved from your original family home, only to drive back from time to time to look at it from the outside, then you understand what I am saying about this blog. Like the old family home, this is my home, my place, the space in which the contents of my mind are laid out in endless wonder.
Indeed, welcome home. It feels good to slip into this role again like one slips on an old pair of comfy jeans. It just feels good, and it feels right, even though you know that you really should be wearing something nicer.
To those who travel to this space to read the ramblings and musings of this author, welcome back! I missed you and I do hope you missed me as well. I wont fail to keep myself rolling with this site this time. You deserve much more than I have given you the last while and simply wont let my own self indulgent decadence take over again.
There is much to blog about and yet so very much time in which to do it god willing. So, lets open a bottle of fine wine, pour ourselves a glass and sit back to savour the conversation and flavour together. If you are a loyal follower than you know where this journey has taken me already, now I want to share where it has taken me since. Along the way I will of course share my usual brand of eccentric musings on subjects that reach well beyond what you would expect from me. As I always say when it comes to the world I live in......expect the unexpected!
So I have rambled and dragged on here enough, reflective and self indulgent indeed. Now its time to begin. Lets dim the lights, and cue the music, raise the curtain boys, the show is about to begin!
LiveSTRONG!
Indeed, welcome home. It feels good to slip into this role again like one slips on an old pair of comfy jeans. It just feels good, and it feels right, even though you know that you really should be wearing something nicer.
To those who travel to this space to read the ramblings and musings of this author, welcome back! I missed you and I do hope you missed me as well. I wont fail to keep myself rolling with this site this time. You deserve much more than I have given you the last while and simply wont let my own self indulgent decadence take over again.
There is much to blog about and yet so very much time in which to do it god willing. So, lets open a bottle of fine wine, pour ourselves a glass and sit back to savour the conversation and flavour together. If you are a loyal follower than you know where this journey has taken me already, now I want to share where it has taken me since. Along the way I will of course share my usual brand of eccentric musings on subjects that reach well beyond what you would expect from me. As I always say when it comes to the world I live in......expect the unexpected!
So I have rambled and dragged on here enough, reflective and self indulgent indeed. Now its time to begin. Lets dim the lights, and cue the music, raise the curtain boys, the show is about to begin!
LiveSTRONG!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
We Will Remember Them!
They Shall Grow Not Old
As We That Are Left Grow Old
Age Shall Not Weary Them
Nor The Years Condemn
At The Going Down Of The Sun
And In The Morning
WE WILL REMEMBER THEM
Never have truer words been spoken about the brave men and women who have given their lives and today put their lives on the line for the blanket of freedom we sleep under each and every night. Indeed, the brave soldiers who wear the Maple Leaf on their uniforms and for all those who have worn it before, we owe you a debt that may never ever be paid in full.
On this day, and the several days before it, I wear a poppy for you. For the men I will never know, for the wives who watched their husbands go overseas just after exchanging what may have been their last kiss. To the Mothers and Fathers who watched their sons leave home to fight a battle on foreign soil not knowing if they would ever see them alive again. To the brothers and sisters who were too young to enlist but had to watch as their siblings left for a foreign country.
It is for you that I wear my poppy, and it is for you that on this day, I will visit my local memorial, lay a wreath, and weep silently for you as they play Last Post.
If you have found this web entry, please watch the attached Youtube video...I have embedded it for this very special entry.
You may be gone, but you will never be forgotten!
LiveSTRONG!
As We That Are Left Grow Old
Age Shall Not Weary Them
Nor The Years Condemn
At The Going Down Of The Sun
And In The Morning
WE WILL REMEMBER THEM
Never have truer words been spoken about the brave men and women who have given their lives and today put their lives on the line for the blanket of freedom we sleep under each and every night. Indeed, the brave soldiers who wear the Maple Leaf on their uniforms and for all those who have worn it before, we owe you a debt that may never ever be paid in full.
On this day, and the several days before it, I wear a poppy for you. For the men I will never know, for the wives who watched their husbands go overseas just after exchanging what may have been their last kiss. To the Mothers and Fathers who watched their sons leave home to fight a battle on foreign soil not knowing if they would ever see them alive again. To the brothers and sisters who were too young to enlist but had to watch as their siblings left for a foreign country.
It is for you that I wear my poppy, and it is for you that on this day, I will visit my local memorial, lay a wreath, and weep silently for you as they play Last Post.
If you have found this web entry, please watch the attached Youtube video...I have embedded it for this very special entry.
You may be gone, but you will never be forgotten!
LiveSTRONG!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
This One's For You Caleb!
I wanted to do something different and just post some lyrics to a song that has come to make me think about Caleb every time I hear it. This one is for you baby, I love you more than life itself!
Angels
------
I sit and wait
does an angel contemplate my fate
and do they know
the places where we go
when we’re grey and old
‘cos I’ve been told
that salvation lets their wings unfold
so when I’m lying in my bed
thoughts running through my head
and I feel that love is dead
I’m loving angels instead
and through it all he offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I’m right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
when I come to call he wont forsake me
I’m loving angels instead
when I’m feeling weak
and my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
and I know ill always be blessed with love
and as the feeling grows
he breathes flesh to my bones
and when love is dead
I’m loving angels instead
and through it all he offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I’m right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
when I come to call he wont forsake me
I’m loving angels instead
LiveSTRONG!
Angels
------
I sit and wait
does an angel contemplate my fate
and do they know
the places where we go
when we’re grey and old
‘cos I’ve been told
that salvation lets their wings unfold
so when I’m lying in my bed
thoughts running through my head
and I feel that love is dead
I’m loving angels instead
and through it all he offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I’m right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
when I come to call he wont forsake me
I’m loving angels instead
when I’m feeling weak
and my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
and I know ill always be blessed with love
and as the feeling grows
he breathes flesh to my bones
and when love is dead
I’m loving angels instead
and through it all he offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I’m right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
when I come to call he wont forsake me
I’m loving angels instead
LiveSTRONG!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Through Caleb's Eyes
Phil Collins wrote a song called, "Through My Eyes" and I have heard it more than once on the radio but never really stopped to think carefully about the message until the events of the last week and a bit.
Most of you have no idea about this situation but my boyfriend Caleb, has made the decision to press charges against his father for diddling him as a kid. I can only imagine the tremendous courage and inner strength it must take to make the decision to approach the police, admit what has been done to you, and then ask them to arrest one half of the relationship responsible for you being here today. Indeed, to see the world through his eyes would be something very unique.
With that said, I thought I would take a moment and blog about the world through Caleb's eyes. Of course, this is purely hypothetical because I am not Caleb and I can only imagine what the world looks like to him.
When I think of what he must have seen, I see a boy who laid there helpless well a man he trusted took turns pleasing himself with little to no regard for how it would impact his son. The world must have seemed very strange...to grow up having experienced your father doing things to you that no parent should ever do and then continue to grow up and discover that you also have very strong feelings for being with guys. I can hardly begin to understand how alienating it must seem to be dealing with the issues of being an abused child and then those issues of being a gay teenager.
So you opt to leave home and start making a life on the street because you can no longer stand being around your parents and the thought of telling them you have feelings for guys could lead to you being beaten, thrown out, or just ridiculed even more. You venture out and make your life on the street, you learn to find food in places most people would not be caught dead eating at or in and you find places to sleep that most people would not be caught dead at unless you get lucky and manage to get a bed in a shelter.
Along the way you get addicted to various narcotics and your life spirals out of control. Suddenly you find yourself, alone, on the street, no real education, no real prospects, not eating right, and on the edge.
So you live your life this way for a while until you come across some kid who stumbles into your life with no warning. You meet him, fall in love with him, and then move in with his family. Finally things begin to turn...you enroll in school, get into fights to find your place among the new kids. You join the football team to make some new friends and find something constructive to do and to keep you off the drugs well you go through your addicts anonymous program.
You start working and save money for the future and start living by house rules and turning your life around...till you reach the point where you decide its time to find closure at the root of all the evil in your life and so you approach the police and tell your story.
Today the police will be arresting Caleb's father. I can only imagine what he must be feeling...I can only imagine how the world must look to him this morning.
I have taken a long look through his eyes at a boy who has suffered more than anyone should have to in one lifetime and yet for all the right reasons, I know in my heart of hearts, I am the luckiest guy alive because I get to love him in a way that is real and beautiful. Take a look through my eyes....
LiveSTRONG!
Most of you have no idea about this situation but my boyfriend Caleb, has made the decision to press charges against his father for diddling him as a kid. I can only imagine the tremendous courage and inner strength it must take to make the decision to approach the police, admit what has been done to you, and then ask them to arrest one half of the relationship responsible for you being here today. Indeed, to see the world through his eyes would be something very unique.
With that said, I thought I would take a moment and blog about the world through Caleb's eyes. Of course, this is purely hypothetical because I am not Caleb and I can only imagine what the world looks like to him.
When I think of what he must have seen, I see a boy who laid there helpless well a man he trusted took turns pleasing himself with little to no regard for how it would impact his son. The world must have seemed very strange...to grow up having experienced your father doing things to you that no parent should ever do and then continue to grow up and discover that you also have very strong feelings for being with guys. I can hardly begin to understand how alienating it must seem to be dealing with the issues of being an abused child and then those issues of being a gay teenager.
So you opt to leave home and start making a life on the street because you can no longer stand being around your parents and the thought of telling them you have feelings for guys could lead to you being beaten, thrown out, or just ridiculed even more. You venture out and make your life on the street, you learn to find food in places most people would not be caught dead eating at or in and you find places to sleep that most people would not be caught dead at unless you get lucky and manage to get a bed in a shelter.
Along the way you get addicted to various narcotics and your life spirals out of control. Suddenly you find yourself, alone, on the street, no real education, no real prospects, not eating right, and on the edge.
So you live your life this way for a while until you come across some kid who stumbles into your life with no warning. You meet him, fall in love with him, and then move in with his family. Finally things begin to turn...you enroll in school, get into fights to find your place among the new kids. You join the football team to make some new friends and find something constructive to do and to keep you off the drugs well you go through your addicts anonymous program.
You start working and save money for the future and start living by house rules and turning your life around...till you reach the point where you decide its time to find closure at the root of all the evil in your life and so you approach the police and tell your story.
Today the police will be arresting Caleb's father. I can only imagine what he must be feeling...I can only imagine how the world must look to him this morning.
I have taken a long look through his eyes at a boy who has suffered more than anyone should have to in one lifetime and yet for all the right reasons, I know in my heart of hearts, I am the luckiest guy alive because I get to love him in a way that is real and beautiful. Take a look through my eyes....
LiveSTRONG!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Think Of Me, Think Of Me Fondly!
I think I have spent a lot of time in the past writing about the impact of music in terms of our emotions and how a song can bring about one set of fellings, very powerful and moving, for one person and yet mean absolutely nothing to another person. Its funny how the sound in connection to the words can make us think and or feel something that triggers an emotional response and yet if you play that very same song for another person they might not feel anything whatsoever. This whole topic fascinates me. Let me tell you why.
When I was deaf, my ability to respond to stimuli were really restricted to those things which I could smell, taste, touch, or see. Sound had no relevance to me, it did not make me feel anything. It has been said that smell is the most powerful sense of them all in terms of its ability to evoke an emotional response. Indeed, the smell of my mom's chocolate chip cookies makes me feel warm inside. The smell of a squash being cooked makes me think of the Fall and the feeling of the Harvest. Funnier still is when I walk into a bakery and smell chocolate chip cookies I immediately think of my mom in her kitchen and HER cookies...and all the happy memories that come with that smell. Likewise, the smell of Caleb's brutal football equipment, or more specifically the damn socks makes me think of things that are not quite so pleasant...its not that the kid has a bad foot odour thing going on as much as it is that leaving that smelly bag of his on the bedroom floor instead of shoving it in the basement near the washing machine is making me crazy...thus I think I will forever link the smell of sweaty gym socks to Caleb and Football LOL
Anyway, sound or more specifically music, has had a profound effect on me. As you can probably tell by my post and fascination with the Phantom, music has had a massive impact on me. Sound has had a huge impact on me. Suddenly descriptive terms like, "there was a knock on the door", "The bang of the gun could be heard for miles", "The roar of an engine or a crackling fire" all make sense to me now. I understand how to connect those sounds with images and more importantly, they trigger an emotional response. That response could be fear, fascination, peace, love, it could be anything. As I get to better understand and experience the things related to the sound, I will begin to make those connections that make us have a response.
So how does that relate to music? Well I talked to Caleb and asked him if he had a song to which he had a particular emotional attachment and he said that for him it was was Greenwheel's, "Breathe". I listened to the story in the song and began to understand why it had such importance to him. It was the music of his life...his heart...and his soul.
I spent the weekend trying to pick just one song that I would want the world at large to connect to me. A song that for those who heard it and knew me, would forever link me to them and the song itself. After much contemplation I chose the only song that could ever make sense for me. My old friend Phantom came through for me and it was ridiculous to try and avoid it.
The music of MY LIFE, MY soul, and MY heart is and always will be, "Think Of Me". I have chosen to include David Archuletta's version of this song because it was originally written for a woman but David delivers it with a sincere honesty that I feel very much speaks to me.
I hope you enjoy it and whenever you hear it, I hope you "Think Of Me"
LiveSTRONG!
When I was deaf, my ability to respond to stimuli were really restricted to those things which I could smell, taste, touch, or see. Sound had no relevance to me, it did not make me feel anything. It has been said that smell is the most powerful sense of them all in terms of its ability to evoke an emotional response. Indeed, the smell of my mom's chocolate chip cookies makes me feel warm inside. The smell of a squash being cooked makes me think of the Fall and the feeling of the Harvest. Funnier still is when I walk into a bakery and smell chocolate chip cookies I immediately think of my mom in her kitchen and HER cookies...and all the happy memories that come with that smell. Likewise, the smell of Caleb's brutal football equipment, or more specifically the damn socks makes me think of things that are not quite so pleasant...its not that the kid has a bad foot odour thing going on as much as it is that leaving that smelly bag of his on the bedroom floor instead of shoving it in the basement near the washing machine is making me crazy...thus I think I will forever link the smell of sweaty gym socks to Caleb and Football LOL
Anyway, sound or more specifically music, has had a profound effect on me. As you can probably tell by my post and fascination with the Phantom, music has had a massive impact on me. Sound has had a huge impact on me. Suddenly descriptive terms like, "there was a knock on the door", "The bang of the gun could be heard for miles", "The roar of an engine or a crackling fire" all make sense to me now. I understand how to connect those sounds with images and more importantly, they trigger an emotional response. That response could be fear, fascination, peace, love, it could be anything. As I get to better understand and experience the things related to the sound, I will begin to make those connections that make us have a response.
So how does that relate to music? Well I talked to Caleb and asked him if he had a song to which he had a particular emotional attachment and he said that for him it was was Greenwheel's, "Breathe". I listened to the story in the song and began to understand why it had such importance to him. It was the music of his life...his heart...and his soul.
I spent the weekend trying to pick just one song that I would want the world at large to connect to me. A song that for those who heard it and knew me, would forever link me to them and the song itself. After much contemplation I chose the only song that could ever make sense for me. My old friend Phantom came through for me and it was ridiculous to try and avoid it.
The music of MY LIFE, MY soul, and MY heart is and always will be, "Think Of Me". I have chosen to include David Archuletta's version of this song because it was originally written for a woman but David delivers it with a sincere honesty that I feel very much speaks to me.
I hope you enjoy it and whenever you hear it, I hope you "Think Of Me"
LiveSTRONG!
Friday, September 19, 2008
In My Heart You Remain
Hi Karen
Words can not describe the tremendous sense of loss I feel knowing that you have left this earthly abode for heaven above. In a time of great pain and despair you were a ray of light and a sense of hope and courage. I will never forget my chemo treatments and the day you showed up beside me, and with just a few words, you gave me courage and strength. It was your gentle manner, the way you held my hand and told me that the best was still yet to come even though you knew that there was no chance you were going to get better. It was the way you showed me how to LiveSTRONG even when I did not have the strength to live. It was the words of peace that you and I shared as we talked about what life would be like if either one of us made our way to heaven should he call for us. Undoubtedly it was your grace in the face of odds that you were handed that made you someone that was so very different from anyone else. You faced your fight with Cancer with the type of grace, dignity and hope in which I could only dream of. You held my hand and reminded me that life is for living, even when there is not much time in which to live. If nothing else, it was the poem you shared with me when I was unsure about why this was happening to us...Eclesiastes 3:2 will always sitck in my mind. Today Karen, I give you Eclesiastes 3:2 as my parting gift to you as you ascend to heaven and take your place among the angels and I pray you watch over me and my friends, and my family with the same grace, kindness, and love in which you graced this place. I will miss you and treasure you always!
For Karen:
There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven
A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).
May God shine his countenance upon you always sweetie!
LiveSTRONG!
Words can not describe the tremendous sense of loss I feel knowing that you have left this earthly abode for heaven above. In a time of great pain and despair you were a ray of light and a sense of hope and courage. I will never forget my chemo treatments and the day you showed up beside me, and with just a few words, you gave me courage and strength. It was your gentle manner, the way you held my hand and told me that the best was still yet to come even though you knew that there was no chance you were going to get better. It was the way you showed me how to LiveSTRONG even when I did not have the strength to live. It was the words of peace that you and I shared as we talked about what life would be like if either one of us made our way to heaven should he call for us. Undoubtedly it was your grace in the face of odds that you were handed that made you someone that was so very different from anyone else. You faced your fight with Cancer with the type of grace, dignity and hope in which I could only dream of. You held my hand and reminded me that life is for living, even when there is not much time in which to live. If nothing else, it was the poem you shared with me when I was unsure about why this was happening to us...Eclesiastes 3:2 will always sitck in my mind. Today Karen, I give you Eclesiastes 3:2 as my parting gift to you as you ascend to heaven and take your place among the angels and I pray you watch over me and my friends, and my family with the same grace, kindness, and love in which you graced this place. I will miss you and treasure you always!
For Karen:
There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven
A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).
May God shine his countenance upon you always sweetie!
LiveSTRONG!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
A Song For Momma
My mom has to be one of the most amazing people I know. I know that most guys who are around my age don't really like to be around their mom's or their mom's do silly things to embarass them in front of their friends but mine is totally different. I actually like spending time with her and talking to her. When you think about it, she has had to deal with a lot when it comes to me. You try working with a child who is/was deaf and struggle to learn sign language so you can communicate with your son. Then you find out much later that he can have an implant done to let him hear and you move through that emotional roller coaster. From there you think its smooth sailing till your son is diagnosed with Cancer and you are told that he may not live more than two years. Then you sit through nerve racking rounds of Chemo and finally a hair raising surgical procedure to excise a tumor from his brain. In the middle of all of this your son tells you he enjoys being with guys and then introduces you to his new boyfriend but only after he disappears for a week and lives in a homeless shelter. Through all of that you accept your son and his boyfriend and offer to let him move in and become part of your family. Once he moves in you offer to be a part of the process of getting his life back on track and you live with the knowledge that your son is regularly having sex with his boyfriend in your own house even though you dont admit you know out loud.
If you could live with all of the above than you would be my mother! Incredible and I love her for it. That does not mean though that I have not had times where I have been mad at her...I am after all, her son. Those times when she got mad at me, washed my mouth out with soap, gave me an all expense paid trip over her knee, preached to me about good and bad, and made me do the things I really did not want to do were all excellent examples of the times when I was probably most mad at her and yet when I look at it now, I know she was only doing her job as a parent and secretly, though I would never admit it to her, I am glad she did what she did when she did it.
My mom is an incredible woman, an incredible cook, an incredible hostage negotiator...okay maybe just negotiator, an incredible doctor to the family, just an incredible person period.
I thought it was time I took time in an entry to tell you how great she was and when I googled for songs about mothers who are amazing I came across a song by a group called, "Boyz to Men" and their song, "A Song For Momma" and I listened to it and it choked me up and made me reflect even harder on how great my mom really is.
This ones for you Mom!
LiveSTRONG!
If you could live with all of the above than you would be my mother! Incredible and I love her for it. That does not mean though that I have not had times where I have been mad at her...I am after all, her son. Those times when she got mad at me, washed my mouth out with soap, gave me an all expense paid trip over her knee, preached to me about good and bad, and made me do the things I really did not want to do were all excellent examples of the times when I was probably most mad at her and yet when I look at it now, I know she was only doing her job as a parent and secretly, though I would never admit it to her, I am glad she did what she did when she did it.
My mom is an incredible woman, an incredible cook, an incredible hostage negotiator...okay maybe just negotiator, an incredible doctor to the family, just an incredible person period.
I thought it was time I took time in an entry to tell you how great she was and when I googled for songs about mothers who are amazing I came across a song by a group called, "Boyz to Men" and their song, "A Song For Momma" and I listened to it and it choked me up and made me reflect even harder on how great my mom really is.
This ones for you Mom!
LiveSTRONG!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Spotlight: Zach's Rap Writing Part 1
I have been lucky to have been able to be a part of some very good rap writing from a great friend. Those of you who dont know my buddy Zach will soon know that he has a real talent for writing Rap. Over the course of a couple on months Zach wrote and emailed out to me a whole albums worth of original work and although it is not my downright favourite genre of music, I give credit to the guy who did the writing. If you have ever listened to or tried to write Rap you will understand that it is not the easiest thing to do.
With that being said, this will be the first of several entries that I will be doing over the course of this month. My hope is that someone out there knows someone in the music industry who can offer some advice, ideas, tips, connection, whatever to help this very talented guy along. Although I am convinced that he will probably pursue other things for a career, it would feel like a total loss to me if somehow this work was not recognized for the quality it is.
Let me turn the floor over to Zach and the first of these entries....
Ladies and Gentlemen...."Spread Yo Shit"
Verse 1:
I done did my share of dirt, flipped my share at work
I'm the nigga that lived and slid through terror turf
Did it big with clever workers who hid the crack
In the back bottled up in that Gerber glass
For what it's worth, I ain't told the half
I'm nearly rambling, y'all dick handling
Telling my past and you don't know me, Jack
Derry the name's Zach and I'm bout to expose these motherfuckas
Chorus (singing):
When I was down you had a lot to say
You should mind your business and walk away
Talk about them trying to find a way
To spread yo shit 'round town
I ain't really got time for you
With all that ignorant shit you do
Niggas need money and I do too
That's why I ain't fucking with you
Verse 2:
I wonder would he pass for passer
If a massive ass kick's inflicted
It can happen that quick, when spitting shit
Rapidly laying down your fag ass click
From running your lips like a bitch
All I know is something it gotta give
Niggas I gotta live, it's not a prerogative
Don't speak on the kid
Lid your speech or rid ya in the streets
It's so optional, but I will be logical
Cause when I lodge at you, it's not a hospital
Operating poppin' them hot slugs out your abdominal
Now your momma got a funeral attendin
Just for mentioning Warrior the henchmen
All I wanna do is make music and bench man
Get my weight up the same shit that Jay said
If you hate up, the AK's is sprayin
Motherfuckers ain't playin!
Chorus
Verse 3:
That's why I don't fuck with you cats
Cause this not rap with y'all
But this is not an act at all
Run ya trap, get clapped and fall
Spread rumors recieve malignant tumors
Don't confuse music with us choosin
Adhesive patches won't cover the bruise
Channel 2 anchors won't cover the news
They never give a fuck when it's beef between crews
All I know is that Z paid his dues
Made his moves and bitches really hate the truth
They rather see me laid in that body booth
Deep six, rotten so the rats can chew
That's why I don't fuck with y'all
You're runnin' ya jaw, and that really sucks for y'all
Talk behind backs but never to him dawg
Wouldn't that irritate your boss?!
Chorus-repeat 2x
With that being said, this will be the first of several entries that I will be doing over the course of this month. My hope is that someone out there knows someone in the music industry who can offer some advice, ideas, tips, connection, whatever to help this very talented guy along. Although I am convinced that he will probably pursue other things for a career, it would feel like a total loss to me if somehow this work was not recognized for the quality it is.
Let me turn the floor over to Zach and the first of these entries....
Ladies and Gentlemen...."Spread Yo Shit"
Verse 1:
I done did my share of dirt, flipped my share at work
I'm the nigga that lived and slid through terror turf
Did it big with clever workers who hid the crack
In the back bottled up in that Gerber glass
For what it's worth, I ain't told the half
I'm nearly rambling, y'all dick handling
Telling my past and you don't know me, Jack
Derry the name's Zach and I'm bout to expose these motherfuckas
Chorus (singing):
When I was down you had a lot to say
You should mind your business and walk away
Talk about them trying to find a way
To spread yo shit 'round town
I ain't really got time for you
With all that ignorant shit you do
Niggas need money and I do too
That's why I ain't fucking with you
Verse 2:
I wonder would he pass for passer
If a massive ass kick's inflicted
It can happen that quick, when spitting shit
Rapidly laying down your fag ass click
From running your lips like a bitch
All I know is something it gotta give
Niggas I gotta live, it's not a prerogative
Don't speak on the kid
Lid your speech or rid ya in the streets
It's so optional, but I will be logical
Cause when I lodge at you, it's not a hospital
Operating poppin' them hot slugs out your abdominal
Now your momma got a funeral attendin
Just for mentioning Warrior the henchmen
All I wanna do is make music and bench man
Get my weight up the same shit that Jay said
If you hate up, the AK's is sprayin
Motherfuckers ain't playin!
Chorus
Verse 3:
That's why I don't fuck with you cats
Cause this not rap with y'all
But this is not an act at all
Run ya trap, get clapped and fall
Spread rumors recieve malignant tumors
Don't confuse music with us choosin
Adhesive patches won't cover the bruise
Channel 2 anchors won't cover the news
They never give a fuck when it's beef between crews
All I know is that Z paid his dues
Made his moves and bitches really hate the truth
They rather see me laid in that body booth
Deep six, rotten so the rats can chew
That's why I don't fuck with y'all
You're runnin' ya jaw, and that really sucks for y'all
Talk behind backs but never to him dawg
Wouldn't that irritate your boss?!
Chorus-repeat 2x
Friday, September 5, 2008
Fly Like The Eagles
One of the things I think I enjoy most in life is listening to music. I don't mean flipping on the radio and tuning out, I mean really listening. On that note, no pun intended, I want to take a moment to share my thoughts around a band that has been around a very very long time and yet their music is so good I think that any generation of listener could appreciate it. For me, what sets this band apart from many of the others is their signature five part harmony. Have you guessed who I am talking about yet? No? hmmm, well there are 5 of them thus the five part harmony. many of the members have had solo careers at one point or another. Do you know who I am talking about yet? Still no? well the lead singer for most of the songs is the drummer. You MUST know who I am talking about now. If you still don't know, I am talking about the Eagles.
I discovered their music on the radio. The first song I ever heard was, "I Can't Tell You Why" and I was hooked. For me, it was the combination of the use of simple instruments (keyboard, drums, and guitars) that were used sparingly so that the most important instruments of all could be used...their voices. If you have never sat down and closed your eyes and listened to the sound of all 5 voices blending perfectly in that signature 5 part harmony that the Eagles seem to do flawlessly then you are really missing out.
Once I heard that first song I had to hear more and I was stunned to see the catalogue of music they have. Some of my favourite songs include, "I Can't Tell You Why", "Love Will Keep Us Alive", "Desperado", and of course, "Hotel California". Their sound is eclectic and seems to transcend generations of listeners. My parents love the Eagles, and funny, so do I. Their brand of music is timeless in my opinion. The meanings and messages of the songs still speak volumes in todays society and the quality of their music is simply amazing. One thing is for sure, they are their own brand of music and I absolutely love it.
I am sure anyone reading this has heard them before and this will be old news to you but if you have not sat down and actually LISTENED to each of the 5 parts of the harmony then you are missing out on the true hidden gift of this bands music.
Enough for now, time to go and listen to some more Eagles. In this blog you will find some youtube vids of some of my favourites. I hope you enjoy them!
LiveSTRONG!
I Can't Tell You Why
Love Will Keep Us Alive
Desperado
Take It To The Limit
I discovered their music on the radio. The first song I ever heard was, "I Can't Tell You Why" and I was hooked. For me, it was the combination of the use of simple instruments (keyboard, drums, and guitars) that were used sparingly so that the most important instruments of all could be used...their voices. If you have never sat down and closed your eyes and listened to the sound of all 5 voices blending perfectly in that signature 5 part harmony that the Eagles seem to do flawlessly then you are really missing out.
Once I heard that first song I had to hear more and I was stunned to see the catalogue of music they have. Some of my favourite songs include, "I Can't Tell You Why", "Love Will Keep Us Alive", "Desperado", and of course, "Hotel California". Their sound is eclectic and seems to transcend generations of listeners. My parents love the Eagles, and funny, so do I. Their brand of music is timeless in my opinion. The meanings and messages of the songs still speak volumes in todays society and the quality of their music is simply amazing. One thing is for sure, they are their own brand of music and I absolutely love it.
I am sure anyone reading this has heard them before and this will be old news to you but if you have not sat down and actually LISTENED to each of the 5 parts of the harmony then you are missing out on the true hidden gift of this bands music.
Enough for now, time to go and listen to some more Eagles. In this blog you will find some youtube vids of some of my favourites. I hope you enjoy them!
LiveSTRONG!
I Can't Tell You Why
Love Will Keep Us Alive
Desperado
Take It To The Limit
Thursday, August 28, 2008
100th Anniversary Entry
As I type this I can hardly believe that this entry marks one hundred entries on this blog. Although the meter on the side says this is entry 98, the site admin panel says this is #100 and so I am going to recognize this as #100. That being said I intend to use this entry to talk about fulfilling my dream to of seeing the Phantom Of The Opera in London.
I could spend time talking about the flight to London, the fun of landing at Heathrow, getting used to people driving on the wrong side of the road and of course there is the whole accent thing...whats up with that LOL. Instead, I am going to focus exclusively on the performance itself. And so, without further adieu, lets begin.
I arrived at Her Majesty's Theatre and I was awestruck. The sheer magnificence of this theatre is enough to take your breath away and leave you completely amazed at just how amazing it must be to actually stand on the stage and be a part of the performance. It was simply amazing and the location in the Haymarket was simply magic.
Making my way down front, I took my seats in the orchestra section. I was just off to the right, a few rows back from the orchestra pit and I had a simply amazing view of the entire surroundings. I was so close I really felt as though I could actually reach out and touch the performers. I look around at the balcony behind me and the sheer size of the theatre. Seating close to 1700 people, it is a full house tonight.
I sit there and wait for the curtain to climb. I know the opening act almost by heart and I wait patiently for the auction to start, in particular my rabid fascination with the monkey playing the symballs. Suddenly, as if gravity has disappeared, the curtain climbs and a foggy dusty environment awaits. The moment I have been waiting for begins and the show starts.
I am amazed at just how close I really am to the point I can see the eye colour of the performers, I can see the beads of sweat that break on their foreheads from the hot stage lights beating down on them. Indeed, I am in heaven and its only just begun.
As the auction closes the set comes to life and suddenly this massive chandelier begins to rise and I watch it coming up over my head...it feels so close and yet it is so far away!
Tonights Phantom is the regular performer, Ramin Karimloo and Christine is to be played by Robyn North. By their credits, they should be great and indeed they are as Christine appears on stage. Her performance is magnetic and her voice is simply amazing. Although I will have a hard time finding anyone better than Sarah Brightman, Robyn makes my skin crawl with her powerful voice. Ramin plays a very majestic Phantom. The brooding tortured musical genius that is the Phantom is well portrayed by the youngish Karimloo. His makeup is also well done as we see only peeks of the face we all know hides behind the mask.
The signature songs are performed magically. Christine's "Think Of Me" is well done, "Music Of The Night" is rapturing and "The Phantom Of The Opera" is sinfully well delivered. Indeed, the players are on the top of their game this evening and they seem determined to make sure everyone leaves feeling as though they got their money's worth.
Some of my favourite moments were when Karimloo delivers his tortured and menacing statement, after finding Raoul and Christine have made plans to be together, indeed he looks solemn, as though the life has been sucked from his very being, he sulks around as we watch the flame of hatred and rage begin to flicker and finally burn bright as he declares, "You will curse the day you did not do, all that the Phantom asks of you"
I would be remiss if I did not speak of the shock and horror I felt as I watched a massive Chandelier come crashing down from above me, giving me the impression it was going to graze my head as it came crashing down on the stage...gasps could be heard from the audience, including yours truly as it came flying down at a well choreographed speed that would make even the most hardened theatre goer feel shocked.
My other favourite scene is the opening of act 2. Indeed, "Masquerade" has to be one of my favourite cast moments. All the costumes, the sheer magnificence and decadence of the costumes...the chorus of voices and what a fun song to listen to. Indeed, it was simply amazing.
As the curtain starts to fall, I am feeling as though I am in a dream. I have just witnessed live, a production which has amazed me since I first saw and heard it. Karimloo comes out last and gives us a bow, just after Robyn appears to give us her bow. Karimloo extends an hand to the Orchestra pit as the conductor stands and receives his share of the applause. It is a standing ovation and there are 3 curtain calls before they finally pack it in.
As I walk out the doors of my dream, my fantasy fulfilled, I am humbled by what I have seen and heard tonight. The remainder of my stay here is a blur as I recall over and over again in my mind, the various scenes. Indeed I am the luckiest person alive and I have my parents to thank for it. Thanks Mom and Dad!
I am attaching a video from Youtube which show Karimloo and North performing "Music Of The Night", their signature song. Please take a moment to watch as they will give you a small taste of what I had a chance to enjoy fully.
Music Of The Night:
As always...Think of me, think of me fondly....
LiveSTRONG!
I could spend time talking about the flight to London, the fun of landing at Heathrow, getting used to people driving on the wrong side of the road and of course there is the whole accent thing...whats up with that LOL. Instead, I am going to focus exclusively on the performance itself. And so, without further adieu, lets begin.
I arrived at Her Majesty's Theatre and I was awestruck. The sheer magnificence of this theatre is enough to take your breath away and leave you completely amazed at just how amazing it must be to actually stand on the stage and be a part of the performance. It was simply amazing and the location in the Haymarket was simply magic.
Making my way down front, I took my seats in the orchestra section. I was just off to the right, a few rows back from the orchestra pit and I had a simply amazing view of the entire surroundings. I was so close I really felt as though I could actually reach out and touch the performers. I look around at the balcony behind me and the sheer size of the theatre. Seating close to 1700 people, it is a full house tonight.
I sit there and wait for the curtain to climb. I know the opening act almost by heart and I wait patiently for the auction to start, in particular my rabid fascination with the monkey playing the symballs. Suddenly, as if gravity has disappeared, the curtain climbs and a foggy dusty environment awaits. The moment I have been waiting for begins and the show starts.
I am amazed at just how close I really am to the point I can see the eye colour of the performers, I can see the beads of sweat that break on their foreheads from the hot stage lights beating down on them. Indeed, I am in heaven and its only just begun.
As the auction closes the set comes to life and suddenly this massive chandelier begins to rise and I watch it coming up over my head...it feels so close and yet it is so far away!
Tonights Phantom is the regular performer, Ramin Karimloo and Christine is to be played by Robyn North. By their credits, they should be great and indeed they are as Christine appears on stage. Her performance is magnetic and her voice is simply amazing. Although I will have a hard time finding anyone better than Sarah Brightman, Robyn makes my skin crawl with her powerful voice. Ramin plays a very majestic Phantom. The brooding tortured musical genius that is the Phantom is well portrayed by the youngish Karimloo. His makeup is also well done as we see only peeks of the face we all know hides behind the mask.
The signature songs are performed magically. Christine's "Think Of Me" is well done, "Music Of The Night" is rapturing and "The Phantom Of The Opera" is sinfully well delivered. Indeed, the players are on the top of their game this evening and they seem determined to make sure everyone leaves feeling as though they got their money's worth.
Some of my favourite moments were when Karimloo delivers his tortured and menacing statement, after finding Raoul and Christine have made plans to be together, indeed he looks solemn, as though the life has been sucked from his very being, he sulks around as we watch the flame of hatred and rage begin to flicker and finally burn bright as he declares, "You will curse the day you did not do, all that the Phantom asks of you"
I would be remiss if I did not speak of the shock and horror I felt as I watched a massive Chandelier come crashing down from above me, giving me the impression it was going to graze my head as it came crashing down on the stage...gasps could be heard from the audience, including yours truly as it came flying down at a well choreographed speed that would make even the most hardened theatre goer feel shocked.
My other favourite scene is the opening of act 2. Indeed, "Masquerade" has to be one of my favourite cast moments. All the costumes, the sheer magnificence and decadence of the costumes...the chorus of voices and what a fun song to listen to. Indeed, it was simply amazing.
As the curtain starts to fall, I am feeling as though I am in a dream. I have just witnessed live, a production which has amazed me since I first saw and heard it. Karimloo comes out last and gives us a bow, just after Robyn appears to give us her bow. Karimloo extends an hand to the Orchestra pit as the conductor stands and receives his share of the applause. It is a standing ovation and there are 3 curtain calls before they finally pack it in.
As I walk out the doors of my dream, my fantasy fulfilled, I am humbled by what I have seen and heard tonight. The remainder of my stay here is a blur as I recall over and over again in my mind, the various scenes. Indeed I am the luckiest person alive and I have my parents to thank for it. Thanks Mom and Dad!
I am attaching a video from Youtube which show Karimloo and North performing "Music Of The Night", their signature song. Please take a moment to watch as they will give you a small taste of what I had a chance to enjoy fully.
Music Of The Night:
As always...Think of me, think of me fondly....
LiveSTRONG!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
One Night Stand's
I was going to post about my trip to London and the Phantom experience BUT this is post #99 and I can not think of a more fitting post for my 100th Blog entry, than to talk about a dream come true. That being said, you are now stuck with my blog about an experience I had with a girl. Be forewarned, this is an adult entry and contains topics of sexuality and graphic adult imagery reader discretion is advised.
Recently I was encouraged to spread my wings a little and consider having a sexual encounter with a girl. It was not that I was opposed to having sex with a girl...hell I am hardly ever opposed to having sex period. It was the whole issue of it not meaning anything and the feeling of it being a disposable encounter. I was just not sure. Also consider that I am happy with Caleb and we have a great sexual and personal relationship and the notion of messing with that bothered me. Clearly if this was something I wanted to pursue, it would have to be with his consent.
I ended up talking to Caleb about it and in the end the decision was made that he would support my curiosity around straight sex but only if he could be involved at the same time. I could not believe what I was hearing...my boyfriend wanted to participate in a threesome with a chick. Stunned, and somewhat shaken I asked him if he was sure and he said he was. He wanted to be there to not only have a new experience (he has never tried a threesome) but he also wanted to be there to help me with whatever was going to happen. Frankly, I did not care, I was going to have my drop dead hot hung boyfriend and a girl with me AT THE SAME TIME! I swore I was going to have a coronary.
At any rate, I contacted a girl who is a good friend of mine and who on several occasions has attempted to get in my pants. She has always had a little something for me though I have never really felt the same for her. Nonetheless I contacted her and we met for coffee. I told her what I wanted to do and told her what the expectations were and that there would likely never be anything serious come out of it. I wanted her to know that I was not asking her to be some cheap hooker for two horny boys. She completely understood and was actually more interested in getting the forbidden fruit (no pun intended).
After telling Caleb about all this, plans were made and we got the ball rolling.
6 PM of the day came and sure enough, Michelle arrived ready to party. It did not take long for us to get to the rec room and from there she took total control of the situation. For the next couple of hours we were a tangle of boy on boy, boy on girl, girl on two boys, and it felt as though I was caught up in some very dirty version of naked twister. We did things that I really never thought three people could do and there was nothing left to the imagination because if you could imagine it in your head, we just out and out went for it with no holds barred.
Perhaps the most shocking moment was when she told Caleb and I that she wanted us to perform for her. She said she had never seen two boys do anything in real life before and she thought we should put on a bit of a show for her. Needless to say we complied and to be honest I found the whole idea of being watched well we did various things to each other not only intriguing but rather arousing.
In the end, after everyone was spent and certain that they could simply not do anything more, it ended. Michelle was satisfied, I was satisfied and exhausted and Caleb was satisfied.
Since that night, Michelle has asked for the opportunity to do something like that again and I am just not sure I want to. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed myself, straight sex has its advantages and its complications (The female Vagina really needs an operators manual!!!!) but there was just something about it that did not give me that feeling of completeness that I get when Caleb and I have sex. There was something missing, especially in the end...I think I felt more relieved than anything else. With Caleb, I end up in his arms or he in mine and we cuddle and just hold each other close in our complete and open nakedness, absolutely at one with each other, feeling his heart beat, his breathing slow, all that intimate stuff that matters. All of that was absent and maybe for good reason.
I know many of you will think I am now nothing more than a dollar store tramp but please don't judge me. I am young, inexperienced, and finding my place in the bigger picture. If nothing else came of this, I now know just how deeply I love Caleb and that is something that no price could ever be had.
Will we mess around with Michelle again? maybe...maybe not...I am not sure yet, but for now I can claim to have had sex both ways and for the time being, I think I prefer the beef over the chicken!
LiveSTRONG!
Recently I was encouraged to spread my wings a little and consider having a sexual encounter with a girl. It was not that I was opposed to having sex with a girl...hell I am hardly ever opposed to having sex period. It was the whole issue of it not meaning anything and the feeling of it being a disposable encounter. I was just not sure. Also consider that I am happy with Caleb and we have a great sexual and personal relationship and the notion of messing with that bothered me. Clearly if this was something I wanted to pursue, it would have to be with his consent.
I ended up talking to Caleb about it and in the end the decision was made that he would support my curiosity around straight sex but only if he could be involved at the same time. I could not believe what I was hearing...my boyfriend wanted to participate in a threesome with a chick. Stunned, and somewhat shaken I asked him if he was sure and he said he was. He wanted to be there to not only have a new experience (he has never tried a threesome) but he also wanted to be there to help me with whatever was going to happen. Frankly, I did not care, I was going to have my drop dead hot hung boyfriend and a girl with me AT THE SAME TIME! I swore I was going to have a coronary.
At any rate, I contacted a girl who is a good friend of mine and who on several occasions has attempted to get in my pants. She has always had a little something for me though I have never really felt the same for her. Nonetheless I contacted her and we met for coffee. I told her what I wanted to do and told her what the expectations were and that there would likely never be anything serious come out of it. I wanted her to know that I was not asking her to be some cheap hooker for two horny boys. She completely understood and was actually more interested in getting the forbidden fruit (no pun intended).
After telling Caleb about all this, plans were made and we got the ball rolling.
6 PM of the day came and sure enough, Michelle arrived ready to party. It did not take long for us to get to the rec room and from there she took total control of the situation. For the next couple of hours we were a tangle of boy on boy, boy on girl, girl on two boys, and it felt as though I was caught up in some very dirty version of naked twister. We did things that I really never thought three people could do and there was nothing left to the imagination because if you could imagine it in your head, we just out and out went for it with no holds barred.
Perhaps the most shocking moment was when she told Caleb and I that she wanted us to perform for her. She said she had never seen two boys do anything in real life before and she thought we should put on a bit of a show for her. Needless to say we complied and to be honest I found the whole idea of being watched well we did various things to each other not only intriguing but rather arousing.
In the end, after everyone was spent and certain that they could simply not do anything more, it ended. Michelle was satisfied, I was satisfied and exhausted and Caleb was satisfied.
Since that night, Michelle has asked for the opportunity to do something like that again and I am just not sure I want to. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed myself, straight sex has its advantages and its complications (The female Vagina really needs an operators manual!!!!) but there was just something about it that did not give me that feeling of completeness that I get when Caleb and I have sex. There was something missing, especially in the end...I think I felt more relieved than anything else. With Caleb, I end up in his arms or he in mine and we cuddle and just hold each other close in our complete and open nakedness, absolutely at one with each other, feeling his heart beat, his breathing slow, all that intimate stuff that matters. All of that was absent and maybe for good reason.
I know many of you will think I am now nothing more than a dollar store tramp but please don't judge me. I am young, inexperienced, and finding my place in the bigger picture. If nothing else came of this, I now know just how deeply I love Caleb and that is something that no price could ever be had.
Will we mess around with Michelle again? maybe...maybe not...I am not sure yet, but for now I can claim to have had sex both ways and for the time being, I think I prefer the beef over the chicken!
LiveSTRONG!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Thank You Cancer
I never thought I would see the day come where I might actually be grateful that I got Cancer. I know that must sound ludicrous to say and it sure feels ludicrous to type and yet as the time passes and I gain a new appreciation and understanding of what I really have in front of me I begin to think that having Cancer and living to tell has actually been a positive for me.
Its funny just how much I think we all take for granted and how we step out into the world every morning with our coloured glasses on, safe in the little bubble that we all keep ourselves in. Perhaps we head to work and pass a homeless shelter for teens and we dont stop to think about how good we have it. Maybe its when your on your way to lunch and your going down the street and you pass the homless and hungry person whom you view as a vagrant on the street corner hoping for charity and mercy and you walk on, not bothering to look back and pretending he was never there. Maybe its something as simple as the ad you saw on TV for the CIBC run for the cure as you sip your beer and wait for the hockey game to come back on, maybe you mute the TV during the commercials so you dont have to listen to the pleas for support. Lastly, it could be one of those gut wrenching animal abuse infomercials run by your local SPCA/Humane Society...we all know those ones and how quickly we change the channel for fear we might feel something or see something that just might pierce that little bubble we keep ourselves in.
Dont get me wrong here, I am not trying to be all self righteous. I am certainly no martyr for the cause. As I type this I am dreaming of my flight to London and my seats in the theatre well I take in the Phantom Of The Opera in the lap of luxury well someone else somewhere else will starve and beg for food. I will wrap myself in my veil of ignorance and watch the show and attempt to not feel guilty for it. The difference is though that I no longer take the little things for granted. I talk to the homeless, I visit the shelters, I volunteer at the Slavation Army food program, I do my best to raise awareness but most importantly, I dont tune out when I see or hear something that may be hard to see or hear. Ignorance is no excuse for not taking action.
If you have never had to deal with such things than you may never understand what I am truly saying. I guess it all comes down to being self aware and thanks to Cancer, I am more self aware than I ever have been.
Just remember, looking away does not make it go away....
LiveSTRONG
Its funny just how much I think we all take for granted and how we step out into the world every morning with our coloured glasses on, safe in the little bubble that we all keep ourselves in. Perhaps we head to work and pass a homeless shelter for teens and we dont stop to think about how good we have it. Maybe its when your on your way to lunch and your going down the street and you pass the homless and hungry person whom you view as a vagrant on the street corner hoping for charity and mercy and you walk on, not bothering to look back and pretending he was never there. Maybe its something as simple as the ad you saw on TV for the CIBC run for the cure as you sip your beer and wait for the hockey game to come back on, maybe you mute the TV during the commercials so you dont have to listen to the pleas for support. Lastly, it could be one of those gut wrenching animal abuse infomercials run by your local SPCA/Humane Society...we all know those ones and how quickly we change the channel for fear we might feel something or see something that just might pierce that little bubble we keep ourselves in.
Dont get me wrong here, I am not trying to be all self righteous. I am certainly no martyr for the cause. As I type this I am dreaming of my flight to London and my seats in the theatre well I take in the Phantom Of The Opera in the lap of luxury well someone else somewhere else will starve and beg for food. I will wrap myself in my veil of ignorance and watch the show and attempt to not feel guilty for it. The difference is though that I no longer take the little things for granted. I talk to the homeless, I visit the shelters, I volunteer at the Slavation Army food program, I do my best to raise awareness but most importantly, I dont tune out when I see or hear something that may be hard to see or hear. Ignorance is no excuse for not taking action.
If you have never had to deal with such things than you may never understand what I am truly saying. I guess it all comes down to being self aware and thanks to Cancer, I am more self aware than I ever have been.
Just remember, looking away does not make it go away....
LiveSTRONG
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