I think it is time that we face a little reality and do a reality check. It has been about 3 weeks since I started this most recent round of therapy. The idea was to focus some radiation right at the tumour on my brain stem and see if we could kill it or at the very least slow it down.
As of yesterday, it was not any smaller and it still appears to be very active. I have been given a choice to continue this for another 3 weeks or stop and hope for the best. The chances of another 3 weeks doing any good are very very slim. The odds of it stopping on its own are just as small.
My parents told me that they would support whatever decision I made and they would stand behind me on it because it is my body and my life. Therefore, I have decided to cease all treatment and make peace with myself and my God. My chances for survival are very slim and I am told that I will probably be lucky to live another 2 years. I dont want those two years to be full of painful tests, treatments, and just feeling like crap.
I know a lot of people would say that I need to do whatever I can to live and that I should keep going. The thing is, I am tired, and fed up with being poked, and proded. I want to live what is left of my life as fully as I can. I know its not the popular choice but it is still my choice to make.
Lets not lose sight of the fact that this COULD stop on its own at which point we could re-start some treatment. I know the odds of that are small but I will keep praying for that.
I am at peace with my choice, I am at peace with my God, and I am ready to live!
To those who read this, I want suggestions, what should I do with what I have left? will you help me make a "bucket list". Things I should do before I kick the bucket. I want this to be a good experience, not a downer.
I leave it to you, the readers of this blog. Tell me what I should go out and do with my life. What should be on my bucket list.
Lastly, pray for me. If your not religious, just think positive for me. I can not thank everyone who reads this enough for the support you have given me.
Thanks to all of you, I can and will....
LiveSTRONG!
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5 comments:
I will pray for your health!! I read you often; and am a Cancer Survivor. Positive attitudes and getting on with living, not dying anymore!!
I think you should travel.
If you can't travel, due to money issues etc, then paint.
Lose yourself in your art. Let your heart guide your hand. Close your eyes and experience colours with eyes closed. Or listen to music with eyes closed and paint what comes to you.
I'm with BillyBoy. If it is at all possible, go on that trip you always wanted to take. Go see the ocean, the mountains, the desert, whatever...just do it. You have no excuses not to.
Yo man, I'm upset to read this entry, but of course i want you to live the way you want. I think you should take a trip you always wanted to or create something new, maybe a song if you have a decent voice, or poems, a book or other stuff like that. I really hope this thing dies down, so that you can continue with treatment. I'll always try to help you my man, remember there are a lot of people who hope you can make it.
LiveSTRONG!
Wow. It took me a minute to recover from this post. Dude, at the risk of saying something you've heard a million times already - I wish you all the strength to get through this.
Travel has already been mentioned and that is a great idea, especially if you have someone you can share the trip with.
Another idea: A party! I don't mean a get together, I mean a party, one where every single person important to you in the world is in attendance. Not a "fair well" party either... just a party.
BTW, if it seemed that in my first comment on this post that I was cold to your situation, it's because I didn't know what to say. I want to give you words of encouragement without being overly pessimistic. I want to say something that will give you hope and make you feel better, but I don't know what those words are. What you're doing is brave and I understand it. I don't know how I would deal with such news myself. Just know that you're in my thoughts and yes, even my prayers.
I know that now this blogging endeavour may seem trivial to you given the many things you'd probably rather be doing. I hope you stay in touch somehow, but I'm sure we'll all understand if you don't feel like writing much.
LiveStrong!
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