Think Of Me, Think Of Me Fondly!

I think I have spent a lot of time in the past writing about the impact of music in terms of our emotions and how a song can bring about one set of fellings, very powerful and moving, for one person and yet mean absolutely nothing to another person. Its funny how the sound in connection to the words can make us think and or feel something that triggers an emotional response and yet if you play that very same song for another person they might not feel anything whatsoever. This whole topic fascinates me. Let me tell you why.

When I was deaf, my ability to respond to stimuli were really restricted to those things which I could smell, taste, touch, or see. Sound had no relevance to me, it did not make me feel anything. It has been said that smell is the most powerful sense of them all in terms of its ability to evoke an emotional response. Indeed, the smell of my mom's chocolate chip cookies makes me feel warm inside. The smell of a squash being cooked makes me think of the Fall and the feeling of the Harvest. Funnier still is when I walk into a bakery and smell chocolate chip cookies I immediately think of my mom in her kitchen and HER cookies...and all the happy memories that come with that smell. Likewise, the smell of Caleb's brutal football equipment, or more specifically the damn socks makes me think of things that are not quite so pleasant...its not that the kid has a bad foot odour thing going on as much as it is that leaving that smelly bag of his on the bedroom floor instead of shoving it in the basement near the washing machine is making me crazy...thus I think I will forever link the smell of sweaty gym socks to Caleb and Football LOL

Anyway, sound or more specifically music, has had a profound effect on me. As you can probably tell by my post and fascination with the Phantom, music has had a massive impact on me. Sound has had a huge impact on me. Suddenly descriptive terms like, "there was a knock on the door", "The bang of the gun could be heard for miles", "The roar of an engine or a crackling fire" all make sense to me now. I understand how to connect those sounds with images and more importantly, they trigger an emotional response. That response could be fear, fascination, peace, love, it could be anything. As I get to better understand and experience the things related to the sound, I will begin to make those connections that make us have a response.

So how does that relate to music? Well I talked to Caleb and asked him if he had a song to which he had a particular emotional attachment and he said that for him it was was Greenwheel's, "Breathe". I listened to the story in the song and began to understand why it had such importance to him. It was the music of his life...his heart...and his soul.

I spent the weekend trying to pick just one song that I would want the world at large to connect to me. A song that for those who heard it and knew me, would forever link me to them and the song itself. After much contemplation I chose the only song that could ever make sense for me. My old friend Phantom came through for me and it was ridiculous to try and avoid it.

The music of MY LIFE, MY soul, and MY heart is and always will be, "Think Of Me". I have chosen to include David Archuletta's version of this song because it was originally written for a woman but David delivers it with a sincere honesty that I feel very much speaks to me.

I hope you enjoy it and whenever you hear it, I hope you "Think Of Me"

LiveSTRONG!

In My Heart You Remain

Hi Karen

Words can not describe the tremendous sense of loss I feel knowing that you have left this earthly abode for heaven above. In a time of great pain and despair you were a ray of light and a sense of hope and courage. I will never forget my chemo treatments and the day you showed up beside me, and with just a few words, you gave me courage and strength. It was your gentle manner, the way you held my hand and told me that the best was still yet to come even though you knew that there was no chance you were going to get better. It was the way you showed me how to LiveSTRONG even when I did not have the strength to live. It was the words of peace that you and I shared as we talked about what life would be like if either one of us made our way to heaven should he call for us. Undoubtedly it was your grace in the face of odds that you were handed that made you someone that was so very different from anyone else. You faced your fight with Cancer with the type of grace, dignity and hope in which I could only dream of. You held my hand and reminded me that life is for living, even when there is not much time in which to live. If nothing else, it was the poem you shared with me when I was unsure about why this was happening to us...Eclesiastes 3:2 will always sitck in my mind. Today Karen, I give you Eclesiastes 3:2 as my parting gift to you as you ascend to heaven and take your place among the angels and I pray you watch over me and my friends, and my family with the same grace, kindness, and love in which you graced this place. I will miss you and treasure you always!

For Karen:

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven

A time to give birth and a time to die;

A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.

A time to kill and a time to heal;

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to weep and a time to laugh;

A time to mourn and a time to dance.

A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;

A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.

A time to search and a time to give up as lost;

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;

A time to be silent and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate;

A time for war and a time for peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).

May God shine his countenance upon you always sweetie!

LiveSTRONG!

A Song For Momma

My mom has to be one of the most amazing people I know. I know that most guys who are around my age don't really like to be around their mom's or their mom's do silly things to embarass them in front of their friends but mine is totally different. I actually like spending time with her and talking to her. When you think about it, she has had to deal with a lot when it comes to me. You try working with a child who is/was deaf and struggle to learn sign language so you can communicate with your son. Then you find out much later that he can have an implant done to let him hear and you move through that emotional roller coaster. From there you think its smooth sailing till your son is diagnosed with Cancer and you are told that he may not live more than two years. Then you sit through nerve racking rounds of Chemo and finally a hair raising surgical procedure to excise a tumor from his brain. In the middle of all of this your son tells you he enjoys being with guys and then introduces you to his new boyfriend but only after he disappears for a week and lives in a homeless shelter. Through all of that you accept your son and his boyfriend and offer to let him move in and become part of your family. Once he moves in you offer to be a part of the process of getting his life back on track and you live with the knowledge that your son is regularly having sex with his boyfriend in your own house even though you dont admit you know out loud.

If you could live with all of the above than you would be my mother! Incredible and I love her for it. That does not mean though that I have not had times where I have been mad at her...I am after all, her son. Those times when she got mad at me, washed my mouth out with soap, gave me an all expense paid trip over her knee, preached to me about good and bad, and made me do the things I really did not want to do were all excellent examples of the times when I was probably most mad at her and yet when I look at it now, I know she was only doing her job as a parent and secretly, though I would never admit it to her, I am glad she did what she did when she did it.

My mom is an incredible woman, an incredible cook, an incredible hostage negotiator...okay maybe just negotiator, an incredible doctor to the family, just an incredible person period.

I thought it was time I took time in an entry to tell you how great she was and when I googled for songs about mothers who are amazing I came across a song by a group called, "Boyz to Men" and their song, "A Song For Momma" and I listened to it and it choked me up and made me reflect even harder on how great my mom really is.

This ones for you Mom!

LiveSTRONG!

Spotlight: Zach's Rap Writing Part 1

I have been lucky to have been able to be a part of some very good rap writing from a great friend. Those of you who dont know my buddy Zach will soon know that he has a real talent for writing Rap. Over the course of a couple on months Zach wrote and emailed out to me a whole albums worth of original work and although it is not my downright favourite genre of music, I give credit to the guy who did the writing. If you have ever listened to or tried to write Rap you will understand that it is not the easiest thing to do.

With that being said, this will be the first of several entries that I will be doing over the course of this month. My hope is that someone out there knows someone in the music industry who can offer some advice, ideas, tips, connection, whatever to help this very talented guy along. Although I am convinced that he will probably pursue other things for a career, it would feel like a total loss to me if somehow this work was not recognized for the quality it is.

Let me turn the floor over to Zach and the first of these entries....

Ladies and Gentlemen...."Spread Yo Shit"

Verse 1:
I done did my share of dirt, flipped my share at work
I'm the nigga that lived and slid through terror turf
Did it big with clever workers who hid the crack
In the back bottled up in that Gerber glass
For what it's worth, I ain't told the half
I'm nearly rambling, y'all dick handling
Telling my past and you don't know me, Jack
Derry the name's Zach and I'm bout to expose these motherfuckas

Chorus (singing):
When I was down you had a lot to say
You should mind your business and walk away
Talk about them trying to find a way
To spread yo shit 'round town
I ain't really got time for you
With all that ignorant shit you do
Niggas need money and I do too
That's why I ain't fucking with you

Verse 2:
I wonder would he pass for passer
If a massive ass kick's inflicted
It can happen that quick, when spitting shit
Rapidly laying down your fag ass click
From running your lips like a bitch
All I know is something it gotta give
Niggas I gotta live, it's not a prerogative
Don't speak on the kid
Lid your speech or rid ya in the streets
It's so optional, but I will be logical
Cause when I lodge at you, it's not a hospital
Operating poppin' them hot slugs out your abdominal
Now your momma got a funeral attendin
Just for mentioning Warrior the henchmen
All I wanna do is make music and bench man
Get my weight up the same shit that Jay said
If you hate up, the AK's is sprayin
Motherfuckers ain't playin!

Chorus

Verse 3:
That's why I don't fuck with you cats
Cause this not rap with y'all
But this is not an act at all
Run ya trap, get clapped and fall
Spread rumors recieve malignant tumors
Don't confuse music with us choosin
Adhesive patches won't cover the bruise
Channel 2 anchors won't cover the news
They never give a fuck when it's beef between crews
All I know is that Z paid his dues
Made his moves and bitches really hate the truth
They rather see me laid in that body booth
Deep six, rotten so the rats can chew
That's why I don't fuck with y'all
You're runnin' ya jaw, and that really sucks for y'all
Talk behind backs but never to him dawg
Wouldn't that irritate your boss?!

Chorus-repeat 2x

Fly Like The Eagles

One of the things I think I enjoy most in life is listening to music. I don't mean flipping on the radio and tuning out, I mean really listening. On that note, no pun intended, I want to take a moment to share my thoughts around a band that has been around a very very long time and yet their music is so good I think that any generation of listener could appreciate it. For me, what sets this band apart from many of the others is their signature five part harmony. Have you guessed who I am talking about yet? No? hmmm, well there are 5 of them thus the five part harmony. many of the members have had solo careers at one point or another. Do you know who I am talking about yet? Still no? well the lead singer for most of the songs is the drummer. You MUST know who I am talking about now. If you still don't know, I am talking about the Eagles.

I discovered their music on the radio. The first song I ever heard was, "I Can't Tell You Why" and I was hooked. For me, it was the combination of the use of simple instruments (keyboard, drums, and guitars) that were used sparingly so that the most important instruments of all could be used...their voices. If you have never sat down and closed your eyes and listened to the sound of all 5 voices blending perfectly in that signature 5 part harmony that the Eagles seem to do flawlessly then you are really missing out.

Once I heard that first song I had to hear more and I was stunned to see the catalogue of music they have. Some of my favourite songs include, "I Can't Tell You Why", "Love Will Keep Us Alive", "Desperado", and of course, "Hotel California". Their sound is eclectic and seems to transcend generations of listeners. My parents love the Eagles, and funny, so do I. Their brand of music is timeless in my opinion. The meanings and messages of the songs still speak volumes in todays society and the quality of their music is simply amazing. One thing is for sure, they are their own brand of music and I absolutely love it.

I am sure anyone reading this has heard them before and this will be old news to you but if you have not sat down and actually LISTENED to each of the 5 parts of the harmony then you are missing out on the true hidden gift of this bands music.

Enough for now, time to go and listen to some more Eagles. In this blog you will find some youtube vids of some of my favourites. I hope you enjoy them!

LiveSTRONG!

I Can't Tell You Why



Love Will Keep Us Alive



Desperado



Take It To The Limit

100th Anniversary Entry

As I type this I can hardly believe that this entry marks one hundred entries on this blog. Although the meter on the side says this is entry 98, the site admin panel says this is #100 and so I am going to recognize this as #100. That being said I intend to use this entry to talk about fulfilling my dream to of seeing the Phantom Of The Opera in London.

I could spend time talking about the flight to London, the fun of landing at Heathrow, getting used to people driving on the wrong side of the road and of course there is the whole accent thing...whats up with that LOL. Instead, I am going to focus exclusively on the performance itself. And so, without further adieu, lets begin.

I arrived at Her Majesty's Theatre and I was awestruck. The sheer magnificence of this theatre is enough to take your breath away and leave you completely amazed at just how amazing it must be to actually stand on the stage and be a part of the performance. It was simply amazing and the location in the Haymarket was simply magic.

Making my way down front, I took my seats in the orchestra section. I was just off to the right, a few rows back from the orchestra pit and I had a simply amazing view of the entire surroundings. I was so close I really felt as though I could actually reach out and touch the performers. I look around at the balcony behind me and the sheer size of the theatre. Seating close to 1700 people, it is a full house tonight.

I sit there and wait for the curtain to climb. I know the opening act almost by heart and I wait patiently for the auction to start, in particular my rabid fascination with the monkey playing the symballs. Suddenly, as if gravity has disappeared, the curtain climbs and a foggy dusty environment awaits. The moment I have been waiting for begins and the show starts.

I am amazed at just how close I really am to the point I can see the eye colour of the performers, I can see the beads of sweat that break on their foreheads from the hot stage lights beating down on them. Indeed, I am in heaven and its only just begun.

As the auction closes the set comes to life and suddenly this massive chandelier begins to rise and I watch it coming up over my head...it feels so close and yet it is so far away!

Tonights Phantom is the regular performer, Ramin Karimloo and Christine is to be played by Robyn North. By their credits, they should be great and indeed they are as Christine appears on stage. Her performance is magnetic and her voice is simply amazing. Although I will have a hard time finding anyone better than Sarah Brightman, Robyn makes my skin crawl with her powerful voice. Ramin plays a very majestic Phantom. The brooding tortured musical genius that is the Phantom is well portrayed by the youngish Karimloo. His makeup is also well done as we see only peeks of the face we all know hides behind the mask.

The signature songs are performed magically. Christine's "Think Of Me" is well done, "Music Of The Night" is rapturing and "The Phantom Of The Opera" is sinfully well delivered. Indeed, the players are on the top of their game this evening and they seem determined to make sure everyone leaves feeling as though they got their money's worth.

Some of my favourite moments were when Karimloo delivers his tortured and menacing statement, after finding Raoul and Christine have made plans to be together, indeed he looks solemn, as though the life has been sucked from his very being, he sulks around as we watch the flame of hatred and rage begin to flicker and finally burn bright as he declares, "You will curse the day you did not do, all that the Phantom asks of you"

I would be remiss if I did not speak of the shock and horror I felt as I watched a massive Chandelier come crashing down from above me, giving me the impression it was going to graze my head as it came crashing down on the stage...gasps could be heard from the audience, including yours truly as it came flying down at a well choreographed speed that would make even the most hardened theatre goer feel shocked.

My other favourite scene is the opening of act 2. Indeed, "Masquerade" has to be one of my favourite cast moments. All the costumes, the sheer magnificence and decadence of the costumes...the chorus of voices and what a fun song to listen to. Indeed, it was simply amazing.

As the curtain starts to fall, I am feeling as though I am in a dream. I have just witnessed live, a production which has amazed me since I first saw and heard it. Karimloo comes out last and gives us a bow, just after Robyn appears to give us her bow. Karimloo extends an hand to the Orchestra pit as the conductor stands and receives his share of the applause. It is a standing ovation and there are 3 curtain calls before they finally pack it in.

As I walk out the doors of my dream, my fantasy fulfilled, I am humbled by what I have seen and heard tonight. The remainder of my stay here is a blur as I recall over and over again in my mind, the various scenes. Indeed I am the luckiest person alive and I have my parents to thank for it. Thanks Mom and Dad!

I am attaching a video from Youtube which show Karimloo and North performing "Music Of The Night", their signature song. Please take a moment to watch as they will give you a small taste of what I had a chance to enjoy fully.

Music Of The Night:



As always...Think of me, think of me fondly....

LiveSTRONG!

One Night Stand's

I was going to post about my trip to London and the Phantom experience BUT this is post #99 and I can not think of a more fitting post for my 100th Blog entry, than to talk about a dream come true. That being said, you are now stuck with my blog about an experience I had with a girl. Be forewarned, this is an adult entry and contains topics of sexuality and graphic adult imagery reader discretion is advised.

Recently I was encouraged to spread my wings a little and consider having a sexual encounter with a girl. It was not that I was opposed to having sex with a girl...hell I am hardly ever opposed to having sex period. It was the whole issue of it not meaning anything and the feeling of it being a disposable encounter. I was just not sure. Also consider that I am happy with Caleb and we have a great sexual and personal relationship and the notion of messing with that bothered me. Clearly if this was something I wanted to pursue, it would have to be with his consent.

I ended up talking to Caleb about it and in the end the decision was made that he would support my curiosity around straight sex but only if he could be involved at the same time. I could not believe what I was hearing...my boyfriend wanted to participate in a threesome with a chick. Stunned, and somewhat shaken I asked him if he was sure and he said he was. He wanted to be there to not only have a new experience (he has never tried a threesome) but he also wanted to be there to help me with whatever was going to happen. Frankly, I did not care, I was going to have my drop dead hot hung boyfriend and a girl with me AT THE SAME TIME! I swore I was going to have a coronary.

At any rate, I contacted a girl who is a good friend of mine and who on several occasions has attempted to get in my pants. She has always had a little something for me though I have never really felt the same for her. Nonetheless I contacted her and we met for coffee. I told her what I wanted to do and told her what the expectations were and that there would likely never be anything serious come out of it. I wanted her to know that I was not asking her to be some cheap hooker for two horny boys. She completely understood and was actually more interested in getting the forbidden fruit (no pun intended).

After telling Caleb about all this, plans were made and we got the ball rolling.

6 PM of the day came and sure enough, Michelle arrived ready to party. It did not take long for us to get to the rec room and from there she took total control of the situation. For the next couple of hours we were a tangle of boy on boy, boy on girl, girl on two boys, and it felt as though I was caught up in some very dirty version of naked twister. We did things that I really never thought three people could do and there was nothing left to the imagination because if you could imagine it in your head, we just out and out went for it with no holds barred.

Perhaps the most shocking moment was when she told Caleb and I that she wanted us to perform for her. She said she had never seen two boys do anything in real life before and she thought we should put on a bit of a show for her. Needless to say we complied and to be honest I found the whole idea of being watched well we did various things to each other not only intriguing but rather arousing.

In the end, after everyone was spent and certain that they could simply not do anything more, it ended. Michelle was satisfied, I was satisfied and exhausted and Caleb was satisfied.

Since that night, Michelle has asked for the opportunity to do something like that again and I am just not sure I want to. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed myself, straight sex has its advantages and its complications (The female Vagina really needs an operators manual!!!!) but there was just something about it that did not give me that feeling of completeness that I get when Caleb and I have sex. There was something missing, especially in the end...I think I felt more relieved than anything else. With Caleb, I end up in his arms or he in mine and we cuddle and just hold each other close in our complete and open nakedness, absolutely at one with each other, feeling his heart beat, his breathing slow, all that intimate stuff that matters. All of that was absent and maybe for good reason.

I know many of you will think I am now nothing more than a dollar store tramp but please don't judge me. I am young, inexperienced, and finding my place in the bigger picture. If nothing else came of this, I now know just how deeply I love Caleb and that is something that no price could ever be had.

Will we mess around with Michelle again? maybe...maybe not...I am not sure yet, but for now I can claim to have had sex both ways and for the time being, I think I prefer the beef over the chicken!

LiveSTRONG!