To be so close to someone that you swear that they are the air you breathe is an experience I never thought I would truly come to know or understand and yet as my relationship with Caleb deepens and grows I have come to know that feeling.
Don't get me wrong, I do have a life outside of him and we have our own separate interests and things that we like to do but when I am with him I just feel as though something in me is completed. I have talked to him about how he makes me feel and he feels the exact same way. Its something that just cant be described and yet I continue to try and find words that put it all in perspective.
One of the things that Caleb has done for me is open my eyes to the whole other world that exists in the gay community. On any given weekend you will now find us in downtown Toronto, at one club or another dancing and partying the night away with perfect strangers who strangely dont feel like strangers at all. It takes adjusting for sure, especially when some guy you dont even know puts his arms around you and runs his hands up and down your chest and such but yet remains completely respectful. Its not all that uncommon for the club to get so hot that you end up taking off a shirt or something and that just adds to the whole environment. I guess you could argue that I have become intoxicated by the lifestyle but I dont care...I love it plain and simple and I love it even more when Caleb is right there with me, moving himself to the rhythm of the sounds coming from the dance floor, beads of sweat sliding down his chest as he puts his arms up to me and pulls me in a little closer well some of the other people on the floor watch us. Its like another world, as if time and space have divided to allow the few hours we spend in this state of total and complete release to occur. Its in these moments that I wonder how I ever lived without him. He has opened me up to all of these new and exciting things and I just cant get enough of it.
When the night ends we end up walking out into the night air and even though its hot outside it feels cool in comparison to the heat of the club. The cool air rushes over me and its like a euphoria. I feel as though I am a totally different person from the one who drive down just hours earlier. In some respects I think I like the person I am coming out of the club more than the one who sits at home during the week, making out with his boyfriend, having wicked sex, and living for the next weekend adventure.
Caleb is the air that I breathe and I dont know how I would breathe without him...I use to think this was a problem but he feels the same way and that just makes me feel so much better.
Amazing how the deaf cancer riddled kid goes to being the hearing abled cancer free party monster in Toronto. I think I am finally living!
I chose the song "No Air" by Jordin Sparks for this entry because it just fits...
LiveSTRONG
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